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Let's all sit & watch the Money-go-round...by linz at 12:07 PM on March 12, 2003 |
Shit!
(Why do I feel that this is not the first post I’ve begun this way?)
But anyway, shit!
I am out $400 a month. The bar where I was playing every other week has pushed me out and is going to do karaoke every week. (Doesn’t that just add insult to injury?) Not that it was the sort of place that could be expected to have interest in me as an artist… they want all cover tunes. So I did about two-thirds cover tunes. Brown-Eyed Girl is my least favorite to play but yet one of the most-requested. Closer to Fine, I at least enjoyed playing. Half because I always fucked up the rhythm but no one noticed. Heh…
Anyway. It’s a chain of restaurants, and I am probably going to start playing at another one soon, not to mention that this one might bring me back to play weekly on their patio at some point. But in the meantime I need a contingency plan. I am broke!!
Should I… donate my eggs?? They pay $4000 for this, according to the ad in the paper. All I would have to deal with is knowing I have passed on my possibly tainted DNA to a possibly Republican-reared little prodigy that might end up being my arch nemesis in future years. Also, the whole I-don’t-think-I-ever-want-to-reproduce dilemma. But then, it’s $4000!!! What kind of price tag would I really put on my silly little ideals? Sadly, I hear that donating eggs is all kinds of difficult, requiring many doctor visits, and I would have to “clean up” certain aspects of my life that I don’t wanna, and I would have to like, take hormones & stuff. No thanks, I think I’m crazy enough.
Should I… find out if there is a living to be made with my Microsoft Paint expertise? In the greeting card arena perhaps? Maybe…
Should I… get a few more credit cards? My current two have some more room. All told, I think I could have about $40,000 of credit lines to play with. Surely I could think of some way to invest this money and make it right back in time to pay my credit card bills and have plenty to spare?? I think I’ll put it in honeydew. I hear it’s the Money Melon. Wait, no! I will invest it in myself! I will make a CD and make tons of copies and be my own distributor and… and… and…
Should I… stop buying plane tickets and weekend-long-music-festival tickets and just accept the fact that I can’t afford this? Never!! I mean, I have to make the badsamaritan fest right??
Should I… tell the seven couples that got engaged over Christmas to please postpone/relocate their expensive/inconveniently-located weddings? Or I can just make them their gifts. Play-doh figurines anyone? I could also wear ripped jeans to the ceremonies and say “fuck” to grandparents. And then word would spread & they just wouldn’t invite me anymore. That’s a thought…
Should I… respond to one of those make-money-without-ever-leaving-your-home-or-lifting-a-finger emails? I’m sure that’s legit.
See? All it takes is a little brainstorming.
comments (29)
Or you could answer an ad about losing 30 lbs in 30 days and getting paid $3,000 for it. A friend of mine (it wasn't me, I swear) did that once and it turned out they wanted her to try out some sort of experimental appetite suppresant that would double-up as a birth control method. No shit. She declined, but you sound ballsy enough, AND it would keep the reproduction dilema at bay for a little longer. But be warned, that stuff tastes chalky as heck.
Or so I've heard.
by Lucy at March 12, 2003 12:39 PM
Hmmm... I don't think I would look very good at 85 pounds, but maybe I'll look into that... Thanks Lucy!
by Linz at March 12, 2003 01:00 PM
I'm currently killing the goose that lays the golden egg for me. I'm strangling it, and it's almost time. Early post for Lockheed today. 218pm est. Got shut down and kicked out of my office for the day because of a scuffle with a trader of orthodox semitic origin. That means, well, I'm out $10,000 for the day. Is that something? And I don't got fucking eggs to sell. And who the fuck would pay for my DNA?
by LOCKHEED at March 12, 2003 02:19 PM
Egg harvesting is rather dangerous, no? Don't they pump you full of drugs that increase your risk of ovarian cancer/cysts? Maybe that's changed.
I was going to sell my gizz, but I just can't reproduce. It's unfair to the child really. I would never wish my psyche and physical appearance on another human being.
by douchenation at March 12, 2003 02:35 PM
Silly girl! Become a stripper. You could make $400 in a matter of hours. All you have to do is grind your ass into someone's groin. All fully clothed! That's easy money if there ever was any.
by Eviltom at March 12, 2003 04:33 PM
EVILTOM? That's LEWD. Eviltom? I can't help but think that you don't know what Reality is at all, and that you are sheltered beyond belief.
by LOCKHEED at March 12, 2003 05:40 PM
And Uberchink, I think you could do better than act all Linzy.
by LOCKHEED at March 12, 2003 05:44 PM
oops typo sorry. don't lose your head when giving head.
by LOCKHEED at March 12, 2003 06:25 PM
It's safer to sell your plasma. Homeless folks do it all the time, which is why I'm terrified of transfusions. I also have a feeling that certain 13-15 year old boys' parents might shell out a pretty penny for you to play at their birthday parties. Just remember: Dress for success.
by Anna at March 12, 2003 06:34 PM
Linz, there are always bars and such looking for people to play. Network girrrl. That isn't the only joint in Hotlanta where you can trade your musical talent for cash, i'm sure. No need to panic. Just make a few phone calls.
by Ezy at March 12, 2003 06:48 PM
ok! i started typing ideas for other ways you could make money but i tend to ramble and all of a sudden it was seriously, SERIOUSLY, too long. so i figured if i could get a post of my own out of it then all the better for me! because whats the point of helping others if it doesn't benifit me in some way.
so my advice will be there.
in closing, me me me meme me me me me me notyoubutme!
by capital j at March 12, 2003 07:06 PM
Lockheed, WTF? I dont know what reality is? I am sheltered beyond belief? Let's get something straight... do you think I am someone who holes himself into his apartment for days at a time? Do you think I watch nothing but reality TV? Oh wait, I do both those things. DOH!
by Eviltom at March 12, 2003 07:31 PM
I started the same "rambling ideas" scheme as young capitalJ, too. Who i technically stole the idea from. Yes.
by Elongatedbadger at March 12, 2003 10:52 PM
To what do I owe this livejournal blessing?? dude... I mean, I was visiting capitalJ's new thingie yesterday but I didn't think anyone knew. I think I'm drunk. Maybe it's time for my first drunk post...
by Linz at March 13, 2003 12:40 AM
I hereby nominate Elongatedbadger as the runner-up to stalwart Douchenation in the coolest screen name category.
by Anna at March 13, 2003 07:42 AM
Now I get it. Please go here for more money-making tips.
I am so honored!
by Linz at March 13, 2003 10:49 AM
What the hell?! Anna's got Lockheed, and you've got CapitalJ, when am I going to be someone's favorite Bad Samaritan?
by mg at March 13, 2003 10:53 AM
You're mine.
by Linz at March 13, 2003 11:07 AM
Hey, how dare you! Everyone knows MG is mine!! ;p
by Lucy at March 13, 2003 01:46 PM
Damn! I'm no one's favorite Bad Samaritan. I'm so lonesome I could cry :(
by Ezy at March 13, 2003 04:11 PM
I'm partial to Eff 'cuz he's got that whole professional credential thing going on. But he seldom comments on any of my crap.
by Anna at March 13, 2003 06:51 PM
Ezy, I'd say your my OTHER favorite but I am ceasing to sound sincere if I say that.
by Linz at March 14, 2003 09:55 AM
I gotcha back Ezy. You my peeps dog.
by Joseph at March 14, 2003 10:42 AM
Sweet! Thanks Joseph. My doggggggggg.
Linz, you could just say I'm your other favorite in an insincere manner and I'll just delude myself into thinking you really mean it. See. Everyone's happy.
by Ezy at March 14, 2003 01:11 PM
You're my other favorite!
by Linz at March 14, 2003 01:39 PM
Eviltom, you're my favorite! You're the best! No, you're the bestest! The most handsomest! The most hottest! The superest, smartest, grooviest fat cat out there!
by Eviltom at March 14, 2003 02:11 PM
Now I feel loved! Sweeeeeet!!
by Ezy at March 14, 2003 05:08 PM
You're my other favorite Evil One.
by Ezy at March 14, 2003 05:09 PM
Douchenation, I hate you.
by douchenation at March 14, 2003 05:26 PM