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Halloween Party = Damnation. By Fred Phelps.
by blank at 08:51 PM on November 01, 2003
Harlots, whores, sinners and sodomites – they all come together during the most unholy time of year: Halloween. I felt it my duty to put all of these sinners in their place, so I grabbed my picket sign and began my crusade.
God brought me to an old house in Lawrence, Kansas that was chock full of sinners. The red lights were a glowin’ like Satan’s whorehouse. With sign in hand I entered. Inside, I discovered an assortment of demons and even one of man’s most demonic creations – a robot! It was so overwhelming with the noise from a DJ and the live bands that I, regrettably, allowed Satan to get a hold of me. It happened when I was attacked by a set of harlots. Their evil touch caused me to, as the sinners would call it, “get jiggy with it”.
After regaining control of myself, I made my way back outside only to find a knocked-up nun. What a whore! Those Catholics have spiraled farther into hell than I thought. I gladly condemned the whore and her bastard child to hell and moved on.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next. It was the almighty Jesus himself! I made a joyful noise and bent down to kiss his feet when Jesus tried to plunder my gerbil hole! “Isn’t this a sin, Jesus?” I asked. “Don’t worry. I’ll forgive you later,” he replied.
I decided that my work there was done.
With kindess regards and best wishes, I remain, sincerely yours in Christ,
comments (11)
Yours in Christ? Seems more like Christ's in yours, if ya know what I mean! Ugh, sorry, I couldn't help it. The opening was just right there in front of me. I'm sure Jesus would've agreed. What? What did I say? Heh heh!
Thanks for posting the great pictures! Your costume subject is one of the truly terrifying creatures of God's-- er, Jeebus's-- creation. It looks like you had a really great time. Nobody I know throws costume parties; I don't know why.
Speaking of costumes, I'd better get cracking on something to wear to the Return of the King premiere. I've got this guy to beat: http://halonine.tripod.com/vacation/mishmash/sd_comic_con.jpg
by jean at November 2, 2003 4:16 AM
*giggles* Fantastic. I may have to steal that idea for the future....
by snaggle at November 2, 2003 7:30 AM
Heh-heh. Brings new meaning to the term "What would Jesus do?" Now that He's plundered yer gerbil hole, what wouldn't He do?
by anna at November 2, 2003 12:06 PM
now i don't want to seem like some tech-geek. far from it actually. but my friend dressed up as an impeccably detailed, man-sized ipod for halloween. it spoke volumes about the people he encountered and what they thought he was. one guy, clearly an older hippie... thought he was a robot. we laughed for hours.
by lajoie at November 2, 2003 6:20 PM
Snaggle can attest, but Mr. Fred "Asshat" Phelps and his group protested at my college graduation because one of the local churchs had a homo-priest, and he felt it was the liberal nature of the school that had allowed such a thing. Mind you, this was a very conservative school, mostly focused on people into agricultural/business, and in the heart of Iowa. Not what you'd call liberal. Phelps, and co. also were in NYC recently to protest the homo-High School, and you should have heard these poor indoctrinated kids they toted around with them. When a kid says that "fags are evil" but can't express any reason why, that isn't religious perogative, its practically child abuse.
by mg at November 3, 2003 12:11 AM
Wow! Blank isn't just a drawing!
This was also hilarious... quality material to kick off my Monday...
Very, very excellent costume.
by Linz at November 3, 2003 10:12 AM
I almost didn’t go to the party because it was over two hours away from me, but I’m glad I did. The costume was a last minute idea and since I didn’t know anyone there besides my brother, I was afraid that it would offend people. Screw it. Who cares? It’s Halloween. Luckily, everyone thought it was great and knew exactly who I was supposed to be. People had to tell me how much they hated Fred and how they used to harass him and shoot him with paintballs while he picketed their school.
The drunk harlots loved me. The camera’s flash makes the place look all lit up but it was really dark and lit from red bulbs. If I had known I had panties rubbing my crotch while I was getting “jiggy” I would of tried to get better acquainted with the ladies. Dammit! I’m so dense. At least my brother was there to capture it on film.
by MrBlank at November 3, 2003 2:55 PM
and cute panties at that...
by lajoie at November 3, 2003 5:28 PM
Was this what he looked like?
http://homepage.mac.com/macrat/.Pictures/ipod/index.htm
by MrBlank at November 4, 2003 9:31 AM
one thing i have noticed is that people use halloween to let their "inner slut" come out and play. housewives can don those wonderfully kinky fishnets and garters they have forever wanted to buy from victoria secret, while the town whore can be the holiest of creatures and become closer to god than ever before. dunno...maybe it's just an iowa thing.
by Kate at November 5, 2003 12:07 PM
wow. nice pics blank. i'm ashamed (for my friend) to say that his ipod wasn't quite that slick. but it was pretty good though. he used the big box you get a bike in, some cool semi-translucent fabric for the screen. he even got all the graphics dead right. what you have there, looks like it came from steve jobs his-own-damn self. almost too good...
and yes kate, it seems most girls use halloween to be sluts. and as i use the holiday to act out my own inner fantasies...this same theory applied to most women, must mean that they just want to be sluts. and i for one know that there is a mr. blank out there to help them fulfill that fantasy.
here, here!
by lajoie at November 5, 2003 3:40 PM