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Shit Faced
by blank at 01:04 AM on October 18, 2003
It’s one of those nights where it’s your birthday and you decide to go out and enjoy yourself. You go with a friend to see some jazzy, groovy, funk band whose songs are way too long and everyone buys you drinks because you are one year older. It’s loud. Your cloths smell like cigarette smoke and trips to the bathroom take lots of effort. Who the fuck cares? You didn’t drive so drink another. Suddenly all the chicks are hot and you really want them to make out in front of you. They don’t but that’s okay. It’s the thought that counts. God, the solos are long and you got to piss again. That’s enough, time to go home. You want to go home but you talk to your friend and say thanks for the drinks as urine starts to seep out your ears. Your fucking door key won’t go into the keyhole and you know pissing your pants will only feel warm for a little while and then you’ll freeze your ass off in the cold. You will make it inside and into the bathroom. Standing over the toilet, you’ll decide that there is no way you’ll make it into the bowl standing up so you drop your pants and piss like a woman. That’s fine. No mess to clean up in the morning. Then it hits you – you haven’t blogged on Bad Samaritan in a long time.
comments (20)
"In days of dreams and dissipation...." Happy Birthday, Blank!
by jean at October 18, 2003 1:34 AM
You need to be drunk to want chicks to make out in front of you? Whatever. Happy birthday piss-boy.
by mg at October 18, 2003 6:14 AM
I second that.
Sometimes I think I must be some kind of deviant, but that prospect does nothing for me drunk or sober. The one time I saw it, nothing.
by anna at October 18, 2003 7:32 AM
They were two hotties and acquaintances of my friend. Sitting across form us, they would lean into each other real close to talk because the music was loud. It looked like they were going to get it on and I wanted them to so bad. I hope they didn’t notice me staring.
Now I am awake way too early and I have to drive to my parent’s house for more birthday fun. There’s a slight hangover and I really need mouthwash.
by MrBlank at October 18, 2003 8:12 AM
a friend last night referred to a girl he thought may be a lesbian as a "scissors girl". i couldn't really imagine what in hell he was talking about, so he demonstrated by splaying the index and middle finger of each hand (peace sign style, or like scissors), turning them inwards and then locking them together by touching the webs (or valleys, if you will) of the two splayed fingers. looked like two sets of legs, locked at the crotch. brilliant.
happy birthday mr. blank. perhaps once you've had a drink or two tonight, your parents will decide that you're old enough for them to make out in front of you. better late than never.
by lajoie at October 18, 2003 11:58 AM
Bappy Hirthday, Mr. Blank. I hate it when urine seeps out of my your ears.
by jadedju at October 18, 2003 10:44 PM
Could 2 girls really be "locked at the crotch"? I guess there is some suction potential...
Happy bday Blankie!
by Linz at October 20, 2003 3:24 PM
i am a complete bitch, i am fat, and stupid.
by emily cow at April 16, 2004 5:04 PM
i am really stupid and ignorant, please emial me and use me like to slag i am.
by emily wilson (cow) at April 16, 2004 5:07 PM
I'd say with a fair degree of certainly that you are not the Emily Wilson, which is why I removed the email address. As for whomever you truly are, I will ask you this: If this Emily Wilson really is such a fat, stupid, bitchy cow, why would you want to piss her off and make her feel bad? Have you learned nothing from Columbine? I don't want to hear about any fat chicks shooting at and sitting on her high school classmates, so why don't you go play nice now.
by mg at April 16, 2004 5:28 PM
dont be so boring
by emily wilson (cow) at April 18, 2004 7:57 AM
I'll stop being so boring when you stop being so fat. Is that better?
by mg at April 19, 2004 11:31 AM
That's much better.
by MrBlank at April 19, 2004 3:33 PM
a stupid assmotherfucekr who has a sick as fucking shit purple monster on her fucking head that looks like she got fucking std's from a motherfucking cow when she was fucking 10 and bust a nut all over her face and fake titties that she sucks and squeezes while wacking off to the fucking state of the fucking union speech while george bush fucking trims his bush and fucking says Shhhhhhh...Dont tell, cuz hes fucking having an affair with mrs fucking more and eats the shit that mrs moore shits in her fucking mouth and just does fucked up shit like shove weed down mrs ruggles pussy "HOT DOG STYLE MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!"
I fucking killed that fucking vaca sota biotch and fucked her up the ear while she getrs laid by fucking father calis
by Mario Santiago at January 28, 2005 11:32 AM
Did you know that its now coming to light that The Lawton Tonge House in Sheffield was knocked down not because it was falling down but, because MIND organisation needed to evict a helpline called Sheffield Gayphone who were of a serious concern. Apparently their was nothing wrong with the building, But a desperate attempt had to be made to move this Sheffield helpline as they have been causing havoc in Sheffield, allegations are now coming to light of sexual harrasment and more by this helpline
by Conspiracy Theory at August 12, 2005 4:00 PM
Yes im searching the internet, it does seem as though that helpline is up to no good
by Martin at August 15, 2005 11:05 AM
I have also found out that Sheffield Gayphone drove an actor out of Sheffield.
And they get loads of dosh from the taxpayers, check this out £2000 a year from the government and £10,000 from the lottery grant fund.
And apparently people are phoning them up and taking the piss out of them,
I never of course
by Donna at August 24, 2005 8:13 AM
Ha Ha look at this so called Professional Helpline Sheffield Gayphone
What sort of a Professional Helpline for Gays has a number 0114 272 '69' '69'
What I would like to know is Did the Phone company give them it to take the piss or did they ask for it.
I carn't stop laughing '69' '69'
by Freeda Matkins at August 25, 2005 3:10 PM
happy birthday to bad for you the hot girls did not
make out.
by raven at November 8, 2005 9:36 PM
down by the bay, where the watermellon grow, back to my home, i dare not go, for if i do, my mother will say, have you ever seen a whale with a polka-dot tail, down by the bay?
eveerybody, id just like to say that i am pretty shitfaced and i want to have sex witha whale because i have big tits. Thank you.
by tits mcgee at December 24, 2005 11:40 PM