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It's a shame about Ray

by anna at 12:55 PM on March 17, 2007

Katie S might be onto something. She is commentator #36 or something on this post.

So here goes the guidance from your elders. You take an event in your life, or a tendency or something you've seen, like a strange Arab man loading sundry meats into the trunk of his car. Or even a wacky item plucked from the news. Whatever it is, you make a mockery of it. Adhere to the old Seinfeld mantra, no hugging, no learning. Do not get all political. Title it with a song lyric. Relevance optional. Hit save. Wait an hour while sites are pinged. For example:

A 46 year old man is headed to prison. He'll be a resident there for the next 18 months. It's a shame because he'd gotten his drunken life turned around. He'd joined AA and gotten up to the step where you're going around apologizing to everybody and their brother, most of whom don't even remember how you slighted them long ago. Or remember you period.

But some of them do, especially if you brutally raped and sodomized them back in like 1983. So he apologizes to her and sincerely too, not like with government types who conveniently remove themselves from the wrongdoing by saying, "mistakes were made." (AG Alberto Gonzalez recently used those exact words.) Naturally she forgives him, picks up her cell and calls the police.

Katie S et al, y'all complete the rest below. It's an audition for a defunct blog. And you'll love it LTL, it's a way of life.

comments (9)

Here comes the water!

I'm sitting here at work waiting for the pages to get ready for me to send to the pressroom so they can print a stupid free Sunday paper that the Publisher is so enamored. What is the amazing part is everyone who is working on ithas to come in on their day off and work on overtime that we have to comp out next week (so there isn't much cost involved). Yet this is the same Publisher who is screaming about not making budget goal and laying off people. I could never get lucky enough to get laid off though because no one else knows about the equiptment that we use except me. I don't know if that is a good thing or not. Guess that makes me a lifer.

As far as poor Ray, don't ever apologize to someone you have commited a felony against unless you know how long until the statute of limitations runs out. Because even though you thinks it's gonna be cool and warm and fuzzy, the victim is still gonna want to screw you back. What the hell did he expect? "Gee, don't worry about it. Even though I have never gotten over you and your buddies raping me, I still forgive you because it's the Christian thing to do. Do you need a hug?" Of course you can't ever finish your twelve step program but really unless you like to be the soap boy in the showers you should always keep your felonies to yourself.

Thank you and goodnight. And Remember to tip your waitstaff.

by Long Timer Lurker at March 17, 2007 10:14 PM

I forgot.

Do we get uniforms?

Or at least T-shirts?


by Long Timer Lurker at March 17, 2007 10:19 PM

You get a hat. Don't wear it bakwards if your white. I used to think I accidentally beat a man to death with a speaker grill. Oh wait, that was somebody else. On the bus.

by anna at March 18, 2007 2:48 PM

Lemonheads are a good band.

by Amy at March 20, 2007 10:47 AM

They're the best. See also the mockery they made of Mrs. Robinson. Guess Evan Dando is dead now.

by anna at March 20, 2007 6:43 PM

Might I begin by saying what an honor it is to be mentioned on this sight, nontheless by Sir Anna himself ( i must say quite a relief as well to not be ripped to shreds by the dwindling masses). Poor Ray, I feel for the damn drunkass. Maybe because I too was once a slave to brotherhood of Jim Beam tramps. The life of an alcoholic is strangely mysterious, always entertaining, but not much remembered. if the poor guy would have read the fine print he would have discovered that AA is for quitters. True alcoholics know that once you have swallowed that sinful legacy it means no looking back and fuck all the regrets. "Getting your live on order" is a sad, sick, pathetic way of saying you just cant hang with the big boys anymore.

by Katie S. at March 29, 2007 7:54 PM

I knew this chick had the BS ethos down. Sign he up MG. And AA is for quitters. I have been there under court order before. They drink coffee at night and chain-smoke.

by anna at March 30, 2007 7:02 AM

See anna, the government will argee with us when we say that AA was created by big tabacco in order to secure more addicts. Hehehe let them quit drinking, we'll get em!!

by Katie S. at April 2, 2007 2:19 PM

I wonder if Ray considers himself poor? Sure, he was trying to do the right thing, and now will spend the next...Year and a half getting sodomized in prison.
Still, I think he should accept the ironic twist of fate as just punishment for his crimes. Perhaps when he's released, he'll think his penance is done and get on with his life.

I suppose we should congradulate the female of the story. After all, she didn't kill the bastard. (Though arguments could be made that this would have been a better ending to the story)

Still...not a happy ending, but is it ever? Poor Ray, yes, poor girl too, and poor us. Ray might've been the next Ghandi, or Einstien, or Napolean.

Not that his life must measure up to some sembelance of greatness to have any importance, meaning, purpose, or worth.

by Dtmccameron at February 7, 2009 12:39 AM

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