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Never apologize, never explain

by anna at 02:51 PM on January 28, 2007

Every day we hear that Iraq has descended into chaos and something called "sectarian violence." This is a code word for the competing Sunni and Shiite (with two i's) militias slaughtering one another by the hundreds across Bag Dad. But who knows what their beef is? Some say it is a difference of opinion about which mullah was directly descended from the Big Kahuna. That is hogwash. Ordinary present-day people couldn't give a rat's ass about something so arcane.

I have stumbled upon the answer. In a word, it is something called a "mutaa." Shiite men are very fond of their mutaas, which, loosely translated, means "whore." No actually it means "temporary wife," like in Hollywood. Basically you rent them at an agreed-upon rate and duration of contract.

You can have all the sex you want with your mutaa, perhaps even some kinkier varieties that the permanent missuses won't permit. Maybe a little anal or analingus or zesty eardrum action. But whatever it is they are not allowed to stain the marital linens. That is where Shiite women draw the line: That little hussy is not coming into by bedroom. And she's not going to bleed all over my sheets.

Osama B. Laden is a Sunni. So he disapproves of the mutaa arrangements. But that didn't stop him from bringing a nubile 17 year old hottie into the fold. This so pissed off his main squeeze and mother of most of his kids that she stomped off in disgust at the old man's lecherous antics. You go, Sabiha.

Under Sad Am, it wasn't much of an issue because he was a Sunni and as such his regime didn't tolerate mutaaism. And by "didn't tolerate" I mean someone caught with a mutaa was liable to be castrated or worse. But now with the Shiite shits in firm control of everything but the Kurds and the US Army, mutaas are crawling out from the shadowy underworld into plain view. Being a mutaa is a good way to work your way through college or earn a little extra spending money. And you get your own carnal needs met as a side-benefit.

Still, Sunnis look down their noses at the practice, pointing out that according to www.mutaa.com, the aforementioned duration of contract can be as short as an hour. That is barely enough time to get her out of her burqa, fuck her and send her out to the store for a pack of smokes. A harrowing journey from which she'll likely never return, sparing him all those late-night lonely phone calls that arouse such suspicion among the perma-wife harem. Quite simply, in their view, mutaaism is just a ruse to cover up prostitution. Worse still, a man needn't fork over a dowery, like a goat or an old car or something, to the mutaa/whore's family. They get squat.

So now you know what our brave men and women and otherwise are fighting and dying for: to defend a Shiite shit's inalienable right to whore around with whomever he chooses.

comments (2)

No expression, no expression... hide my head I want to drown my sorrow...

...and I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I ever had....

by lockheed at January 31, 2007 6:55 PM

Damn Lock that is actually kinda catchy. For an Asian.

by anna at February 3, 2007 3:39 PM

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