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Walk the walk

by anna at 09:24 AM on April 02, 2005

I'm blessed too. My wife suits me to a tee. She's smart, sweet, funny, pretty, tolerant and above all, shorter even than me. Yet there's one thing she doesn't have: a Walk. Now don't get me wrong, she's no Terri Schiavo. She gets around just fine. Indeed, she walks dogs for a living. What I mean is, she walks strictly to get from point A to point B. No gyrating hips, no arms swinging to and fro. No tossed mane of hair.

It's not to say this is a fault. In fact, when I was in a marrying way, such utilitarian walking was one of my criteria. I'd dated several girls with that exaggerated, swivel-hipped gait. It grew tiresome walking through malls and restaurants with them. Everywhere you go, guys stop and gape. They make no bones about it either.

You'd think the normal rules of ogling (a furtive glance, no once-over, certainly no lowering of sunglasses) had been suspended. As if by walking provocatively, she'd invited unwanted attention. And in a sense, she had. You're calling attention to yourself, advertising your wares, even as you stroll along hand-in-hand with your boyfriend. You might as well eat bananas or suck lollipops constantly.

Now as a single guy you think this is pretty cool, at least for a while. All these admiring, jealous guys. You must be quite the stud! But there's also a twinge of insecurity as guys give your gal-pal the once-over. When it's your wife, it's more like a grand mal seizure of insecurity.

You see the Walk in the strangest of places sometimes. I viewed it once at the staid Kennedy Center. Slinky evening gown, tuxedo-clad men turning their heads like Linda Blair in The Exorcist as their wives cringed. They're not getting any tonight.

I wonder about the Walk. Is it innate in some girls to walk that way, or is it learned behavior? If it's learned behavior, do they sometimes slip up and walk normally? Once you're married and the guy-quest is over, can you lose the energy-sapping Walk? If you divorce, do you need to relearn it?

There's the smoothly confident, west coast strut you see in LA. ZZ Topp once described that as sweet as molasses. Then there's the more uptight and stylized, teetering-on-fashionably-high heels NYC version. There's a slight difference in black Walk and white Walk. Hispanic women seem to like the Walk, most Asians do not.

I think the Walk, like obvious boob jobs, long natural nails or eyelashes, that finger-rolling wave perfected by Nicole Kidman and that affected girly voice of Melanie Griffith et al, fosters much resentment among other women. There's just something so in your face about it. It's like drum-taut Demi Moore with her boy-toy. Am I way off base with this?

comments (13)

Yeah. >=D

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at April 2, 2005 12:19 PM

Would you care to elaborate?

by anna at April 2, 2005 1:09 PM

Crimson's comment looks like it was the cyberspatial expression of a brief dirty thought.

Some women that act very seductive do it in a way that's aggressive to other women. You might get the feeling they're saying "I'm more feminine than you," or "I can get men and you can't." Others know that they're doing something that guys like, but do it without malice. Still others don't realize that they're doing anything special, and are eternally surprised that guys trail them around. Women that aren't involved in any of this sometimes don't like it, and sometimes don't mind.
I don't mind it as long as there's nothing bad being directed at me. Being that way is their deal. I'm sure there are things about me that other people resent... male or female. I guess people will always be pushing other people's buttons.

Okay I want to know this... what do guys resent about other guys? Do you hate ladies' men? himbos? mama's boys? I remember from an older post that some high school guys definitely resent greasers :)

by jean at April 3, 2005 3:27 AM

I love the walk, it's the way I imagine nuns and Indians walk under those many folds and layers. Heh. If I was with somebody who walked that way, I wouldn't want her to stop though, if she walked that way when I met her, I can't imagine myself saying: "Alright, your hunt was successful, you now have prey, and can now drop the gait."

First thing I look at in women though, call me strange, is eyes, and then hands. I like grey, green, or blue eyes, and hands with delicate fingers and unbitten nails. People who bite their nails annoy me, even when I'm being served at a shop, and the female teller has bitten nails, something in my brain snaps and theirs a mini tantrum raging topside, for some reason. I also like a certain look of clavicles... Something about the outline of the bone and the contours and form of the throat... As I said... Call me strange. I like a natural looking gal, even if it took her three hours to get that natural look.

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at April 3, 2005 6:13 AM

Yeah, eyes. And painted toenails.

Jean that clarification is real helpful.

Myself I resent know-it-all guys like my Uncle Pete. He knows a little about just about everything and considers himself an expert in like ten areas. No matter what you say, you're wrong. He knows what is best.

by anna at April 3, 2005 9:37 AM

My uncle Pete: Think US def sec Donald Rumsfeld, only more smug, arrogant and brusque. And speaking of men on the national stage, I dig Tony Blair. I don't go that way, but if I did... Is his wife hot?

by anna at April 3, 2005 10:18 AM

If hot can mean: "Freak, with freak features, and with a smile fit for a freak." Then yeah, she is goddam molten lav-ah hot!

by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at April 3, 2005 6:53 PM


by anna at April 4, 2005 7:50 AM

Damn, man, can't ya Google? Heh. :)

Here she is combating a fellow scanner (Hes out of shot), I'm not sure if she is winning or not though:


And here's one of her forcing her tongue down her throat, working it down the inside of her body, and forcing it out of her own butt hole.


by Ex Crimson Guard NCO at April 4, 2005 8:55 AM

The Pendulum walk...

The worst walk is the linebacker walk...

makes me cringe almighty...

by Lockheed at April 4, 2005 6:20 PM

What a witch. Talk about a mismatched couple. And yeah I google. It's just I didn't know her name.

by anna at April 4, 2005 6:23 PM

Oooh, I have a co-worker who is like your Uncle Pete. Except young and really hot. He thinks he knows it all, but every once in a while I totally cut him down. The rest of the time, he's alright. I've got a crush on him.

by jean at April 5, 2005 12:13 AM

Go for it Jean. Have wild animalistic sex with this guy while he lectures you about foreign policy.

by anna at April 5, 2005 7:44 AM

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