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Serenade Me Home

by anna at 06:40 PM on April 13, 2005

Tradedy has befallen me. I'll tell you all about it, but first some background. I'll share some random and seemingly unrelated facts and then, through clever wordplay, meld them together like Axl Rose's botched hair weave. Here goes.

I work in the insurance industry. This is part of the financial services industry. When people in these industries are portrayed in movies or TV, the casting director calls for that bald, sort of nerdy guy who wears glasses. I couldn't find his image, but you know who I'm talking about. Sometimes he'll go casual by taking off his tie but leaving his top shirt button buttoned.

I have always prided myself on my youthful, almost boyish looks. My appearance and my weight haven't changed much in 20 years. Or at least that is what I was able to delude myself into believing until recently.

All of a sudden I am losing more hair than a chemo patient. I have to pull it out of my brush just to use it. It turns up in the bath drain. I can no longer fool myself into thinking it's my wife's. It isn't. It is mine. I am mortified at this prospect. Bah!

I've also learned that I can't see out of one eye. I can close my left eye and be totally shrouded in darkness. I need glasses. I couldn't get them until now because I didn't include myself on our vision coverage. As of 1/1/05, I am eligible. Have I gone to get it done? No. Do I get my hair cut anymore? No, even though I love the head massage they give me. I'm afraid of losing any length when I am already missing so much depth. My wife says it is just "thinning." She's being kind. Come-over here I come.

The worst part is that it is going away from the front, so I look kind of like Eddie Munster. It is not a happening look. I've thought about looking into some of these miracle cures. However, I tend to view all come-ons as scams. Plus it is so pathetic to check things like that out.

If I was black I could just shave my head, get Lasix surgery and nobody's the wiser. Michael Jordan looks pretty debonair with his bald pate. Jason Kidd of the NJ Nets does not. He looks ridiculous.

What I fear most is winding up looking like the stereotypical, bald, middle-aged, bespectacled insurance geek they portray in the movies and TV. I am not that guy. I'll never be that guy. I don't even recall how I wound up in that humdrum industry. I'm not humdrum. I'm hip. I listen to The Counting Crow and Liz Fair. Really.

comments (9)

yeah, rick,

nice tragedy

by Lockheed at April 13, 2005 9:54 PM

Anna, if you only see blackness out of one eye, it's not just nearsightedness. That sounds serious.

by jean at April 14, 2005 2:00 AM

Who's rick? And yeah Jean, I know. But I just can't deal with it.

I had a construction worker who sustained a head injury. He had a full workup and was deemed fine except for the fact he was freaking blind. Further testing revealed that this condition stemmed from his childhood in Ecuador. He just made his way through life, seeing only shadows. That was his reality, and it was all he'd ever known.

by anna at April 14, 2005 7:54 AM

the upper expretion of your affirmation is to proud to enlighten.

or in other words ... the material world, ie The Counting Crow hair loss et., should be more reseved for your enjoyment not your status. happyness is not, nore ever will be found in a want ... besides you should be glad your hair loss is in the front, if it was in the back I would recomend you see a doctor about your heart fast.

I work in a enviroment made up of extreamly young (18-23yr) extermist, my work enviroment is exteramly streesed. Our moto is "Initial sucses or total failor" every day my co workers make me sick, with there youth. Its not there youth that helps me its being able to know that they look up to me...you know...that hole age & experiance = wisdom thing

and if it helps, bald men are sexy..ie Patrick Stewart, Michel Jorden. still don't compare your self to others you'll always find someone beter then you.

by Rich at April 14, 2005 2:12 PM

Well that's good advice, but @ my age I'd be comparing myself to Sean Connery. He is white and looks good bald, no?

by anna at April 14, 2005 6:27 PM

I'm gonna grow my eyebrows long and use that as a comb over

by Long Time Lurker at April 15, 2005 1:15 AM

Oh and for the first time my head-massaging (implicit promise?) stylist has asked me if I want her to trim my ear hair. Ear hair?

by anna at April 15, 2005 7:43 AM

Don't worry about, Jared. Maybe trim your mustache.

by Lockheed at April 15, 2005 10:13 PM

Anna, you are bad!

If it will help convince you to get it checked out, it could be as little as stress. Stress can actually cause pressure on your optic nerve, causing your eyesight to get bad temporarily. It can seem just like blindness. For that, if you deal with the stress, it will go away.

That's an amazing story about the person from Ecuador.

by jean at April 15, 2005 11:38 PM

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