I Do (some) Weddings (illegally)

by adam at 12:00 AM on October 13, 2004

I thought I'd found a new side business: weddings. I just helped a friend do the welcoming and introductions at his wedding reception, and I'm scheduled to perform a wedding in the middle of next month. I recall when an acquaintance was trying to get married last year. Neither the prospective bride nor groom had any religious affiliation or inclination; all they wanted was someone to perform a secular wedding. Of course, this is New York, the City Where You Can't Get Anything Done, and there's no such thing as the justice of the peace here. If you want a civil service, your options are: go to City Hall (very romantic); know a judge or ship's captain. And ... that's about it. I could do weddings, and get rich, or at the very least slightly less poor! Well, not so fast chimpy.

I looked into what it takes to become a registered wedding officiant here, and I found out a couple of things. First, if you're not a judge or a clergy person, you're pretty much S.O.L. when it comes to conducting weddings in New York City. The other interesting thing I found was that the Universal Life Church is specifically disallowed, though I am not entirely sure why. I could open a storefront church and wave the Bible around like a magical amulet and I'd be all set wedding-wise, so what's the difference, really? Aside from the storefront and pew rental, of course.

I've been going along under the assumption that I was good to go to perform weddings in NYC, and I'm a little bit disappointed to discover otherwise. As a fairly secular guy I'm also MORE that a little bit curious about how any government decides what's a legit religion and what isn't (remember this?) In Canada, you can't be recognized as a religion unless your ceremony involves the worship of a deity, unless you've been doing whatever it is that you do instead of worshipping a deity for a long time (like most Buddhists) in which case you are, for some mysterious reason, fine. In this country we're a little bit more liberal (hah!) about such things, and so you can have a Humanist Celebrant do your wedding if you can find one riding his unicorn around town. But I still wonder: in such a huge city, with an actual MARRIAGE BUREAU that has an Internets site and everything, why do we not have a Justice of the Peace?