Come Mope with Me: Eternal pessimist seeks anyone who wants to commiserate about my misfortune all day and night.
Uncontrollable Twitch: And I holler out curse words at most inappropriate times, like at your mom's funeral.
Come on Home, Anna Nicole: Elderly WM seeks sweet young thing to share deathbed. Pre-nup a must. Now go soak my dentures, bitch.
Explosive Temper: Three murder charges, three acquitals. Justifiable homicide, doncha know. MWM seeks a busty plaything willing to risk it all.
Truck Stop Waitress: But I clean up damn good.
Let's Rub Taints: You know that weird little strip of skin down there?
Practical Joker: Whoopee cushions, hand buzzers, puns, groaners and sugar in your gas tank, I do it all.
Leave Me Alone: Write me letters. Send email. Leave messages. I'll never reply.
Let's Talk About My Things: Starlit strolls along the beach with me monopolizing the conversation about all my possessions and how much they cost. A bundle, trust me.
I Will Kill Your Dog: Damn thing never was much good as a watchdog anyway.
I'm Reading Your Email: So I'm nosy, you gotta problem with that?
Release My Inner Child: Beat him senseless. He's been bad. A real hellion, that one.
Nag, Nag, Nag: Dessicated Jewish mother with empty nest syndrome seeks 20-something male to guilt-trip into suicide. The more faults the better.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome: And lots of other medical ailments! Let's lay awake and talk about them. After that we can look at my baby pictures.
Feel Me Up: Doing the deed is overrated. French-kissing is dirty and gross. Dry humping is okay. Go home with a wretched case of blue balls every night. Don't worry about me, I've got a vibrator.
I'll Latch On and Never Let Go: Stalking is the sincerest form of flattery. My last GF wound up in witness protection. DWM seeks SBF for involuntary lifetime commitment.
Try Your Patience: I have nothing to wear. Does this skirt make my butt look big? Better not answer that, buster.
Town Bicycle: Pull it out of my ass and shove it in my mouth. I'm ugly as sin but game for anything. Ride me. Everyone else has. HIV-tested last year.
Rich 'n Handsome: Gay M seeks F to be my beard at social functions. Great pay and benefits.
Tie Me Up and Just Leave Me There: It's okay, really.
Ok, I pick "Leave Me Alone". All of these are so infinitely horrible, that having nothing is far superior to that crap.
by Ian at September 14, 2004 7:38 PM
I'll take "Lets Rub Taints" for a hundred Anna.
by Ezy at September 15, 2004 10:04 AM
Ian, watch your mouth. Funny, Ezy, I had you pegged for Rich 'n Handsome. You'd make for a swell beard. Better than Claudia Schiffer for David Copperfield. Me? I'll go with Town Bicycle.
by anna at September 15, 2004 6:31 PM
Is that a bicycle built for two?
Ahh, who's ever not up for a gangbang joke in bad humor. Good times ...
by Mike Sheffler at September 16, 2004 5:54 PM
Speaking of bicycles I have an idea how to spice up the boring Tour de France: remove the seats. Ouch.
by anna at September 18, 2004 9:14 AM