« Not Skeerd | Main | When I was younger, so much younger than today »


More Bad Advice

by anna at 09:30 AM on August 21, 2004

Our travel plans got scuttled, so here I am with some sage advice for the lovelorn among you.

When asked why he robbed banks, John Dillinger said, "Because that's where the money is." Since his heyday was in the Great Depression, when everybody but the Rockefellers was broke, this was truer than ever. What does this have to do with hooking up? Well, the bank is also the place to go to find potential sex partners.

Think about your bank teller. He/she speaks English, a definite plus these days. Most likely they're young and single, as teller is an entry level job. Many are attractive and friendly, if only in that perfunctory, mouth-only smile way that companies expect of their employees who interact with the public. (I prefer flippant and disinterested, but that's another story.) And you can slip them pieces of paper without it seeming too odd or junior high schoolish.

So here's what you do. Hit up a friend or parent with money. Get them to give you a large chunk of it and promise to pay it back in a week. If necessary give them collateral. Deposit all of it in your checking account. Keep an eye on the bank until the teller of your fancy is on duty. March right in and fill out a withdrawal slip. Attach your business card with some kind of catchy come-on phrase. Behold them intently as they pull up your account and their eyes light up. Watch their initial skepticism about dating you melt into total willingness as they realize that you're not only rich but so carefree you leave large sums of money in your checking account rather than in the stock market or bonds.

Works like a charm. Every time. Though you do have to avoid the friend or relative after you've squandered all their money lavishing gifts upon your new teller-pal. Materialistic people can be very demanding that way.

comments (9)

Though you do have to avoid the friend or relative ...

They just don't understand, do they? Anyway, good plan. Didn't Lewis have a similar scheme on the Drew Carey Show? I think it might've been the one where Oswald's father gets out of jail and rooks the Drew and Lewis and Oswald into some sort of real estate scheme. Good episode. Too bad the show sucked big time at the end.

How'd your travel plans get busted up?

by Mike Sheffler at August 21, 2004 1:21 PM

That's one of those shows that just stuck around a few years too long. I always liked the opening sequence where they're all running down the street and then Carey goes, "Cleveland rocks." It worked because it doesn't.

Not really busted up, just a communication breakdown. I thought we were to leave today, but no.

by anna at August 21, 2004 4:22 PM

I just wrote a review of your site. It's cool.


by Maine at August 22, 2004 7:33 AM

Links, Maine, links. ^

It's a hassle to write all those little symbols down and then go find it.

I dug your review. However, the reference to Virginians freaked me out a little. I don't know why, maybe because I'm one. How would you know that?

by anna at August 22, 2004 9:18 AM

Anna, haven't you ever heard of "copy" and "paste"?

by MrBlank at August 23, 2004 12:38 AM

Duh! *hits forehead a la Homer Simpson*

by anna at August 23, 2004 7:08 AM

Time out... you're a Virginian? Damn, that's a coincidence and 3/4. What brand of Virginian are you? I'm a Richmonder.

And I try not to leave links in people's comments so they don't think I'm a scummy comment spammer. But since you insist...

Play Poker Online at QuietWater!

by Maine at August 23, 2004 9:16 PM

So another Virginian huh? Welcome. Anna and I are both in NoVA but I'm a product of the Roanoke area.

by Ezy at August 24, 2004 9:07 AM

But I love Richmond. For me it's like traveling to another world. We may be technically part of the South but it really starts just north of Richmond.

by anna at August 27, 2004 6:25 PM

comments are closed