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Music to drown yourself by

by anna at 09:55 PM on May 17, 2004

Sure, music and movie critics have been assembling their best of lists forever. But Blender magazine and VH1 have teamed up to compile their most godawful tunes of all time list. Understandably, their list is skewed towards more recent songs that have videos to show on the endless reruns.

Some of this shit is like shooting fish in a barrel. Don't Worry, Be Happy, She Bangs and I'm Too Sexy come to mind. But The Sounds of Silence? I love that song.

I agree about the worst song of all time being Starship's We Built This City. I have never heard a more commercialized, grating piece of crap in my life. That is, unless it was J Lo's flagrant attempt to connect with her audience Jenny From the Block (which made the list but should have been in the top 3.)

But I have some older tunes I'd like to add to the list: the Beatles' Revolution #9 (where John Lennon simply intones "Number 9, number 9, number 9..."). America's Horse with no Name ("I've been through the desert on a horse with no name. It felt good to be out of the rain...") David Bowie's Fame, just because I hate the cadence and all his stilted posturing. The Doors' Roadhouse Blues (Well, I got up this morning and I got myself a beer...") Velvet Underground's Heroin, dropped like a bombshell into the smiley 1966 milieu ("When that smack is flowing in my veins, I really don't care anymore about all the Jim-Jims in this town or everybody putting everybody else down or all the dead bodies piled up in mounds....")

More recently there was the Lemonheads' butchering of Paul Simon's classic Mrs. Robinson and ditto for Limp Bizkit trying to cover Pete Townshend's bittersweet Behind Blue Eyes (in which they omit the best part: "When I smile tell me some bad news before I laugh and act like a fool...") And there was that chilling song about those people that abandon their children to go flitting off somewhere ("The children got up but they couldn't find them...")

And speaking of Townshend, his Squeezebox and Who Are You? have to rank as two of the worst songs ever written by a talented writer seeking to fulfill contract obligations while drowning in drugs and drink ("I woke up in a Soho doorway where the policeman knew my name. You can go to sleep at home tonight if you can get up and walk away.")

Feel free to add your own nominations.

comments (8)

I think I saw part of a show like that on VH1 - pinhead critics making fun of various songs. In response to what most of the ciritic were saying, I walked over to my bookshelf and picked up a tome by one of my favorite poets: Billy Collins. I realized that all their criticisms could have applied equally well to just about any poem, and just about any poet I was familiar with. It was then that I wondered why I was wasting my time listening to someone who can't write songs criticize someone who can, or those who try to. Kind of like relying on Simon Cowell to inform my musical taste - might as well hand your creative development to satan himself.

by chris at May 17, 2004 10:39 PM

Amen Chris. Those who can do. Those who can't carp. But really some of this stuff had to be intentionally bad. So to knock it is to miss the joke.

Does the link not work or is this another display quirk with this new internet deal I have? For a while I had to hit refresh or this site would show exactly as it was the last time I visited it.

by anna at May 18, 2004 7:47 AM

There's an extra "http" in it, but otherwise it works. One of the radio shows I produce covered this topic as well... I've never totally hated We Built This City, but I can see why others would. I'm in total agreement on a few of the others, but sometimes bad music and bad movies are fun just 'cause.

Maybe that's just me and the NKOTB that keeps turning up on my Launchchast playlist. :)

by Jen at May 18, 2004 9:39 AM

And just because I'm trying to catch up for not having said anything in awhile... Is it okay if I admit to liking a fair number of the songs on the list (now that I'm actually looking it over)? I do agree with one of the posters that asked why "My Heart Will Go On" isn't on it -- there should be more Celine Dion on that list. :P

by Jen at May 18, 2004 9:41 AM

That Wang Chung song was revolutionary in its time.

Those list makers are a bunch of wankers.

by lajoie at May 18, 2004 12:34 PM

I noticed that Extreme didn't make the list, so my tase must not be that bad. People are gonna' love my mixed CD. By the way, mg, how's that going?

by MrBlank at May 18, 2004 3:10 PM

I'm thinking of dipping into the obscurity that is Frankie Goes to Hollywood or maybe Flock of Seagulls for mine.

Look out!

by lajoie at May 18, 2004 5:00 PM

At work I started 'cessing over this. Here's my additions: Alanis Morisette's You Oughta Know and it's unwelcome stalker kin from Dido, White Flag. Also, gin blossoms' Hey Jealousy for the classicly stupid line, "Tell me would it be alright if I could just crash here tonight. You can see I'm in no shape for driving and anyway, I've got no place to go." Sure, any girl is going to go for that.

Jen, I liked a good third of those songs in their time. Hey, they were catchy.

by anna at May 18, 2004 7:07 PM

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