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If I was a girl

by anna at 08:21 PM on April 02, 2004

All this talk about gay and gender issues has got me wondering about just that.

I wouldn't let guys do me in the ass unless we were real close, like knowing siblings' names close. I might blow them but not to completion. I wouldn't wear stiletto heels or thongs or fishnet stockings to please men. Nor would I get breast implants. I wouldn't be a slave to fashion. There's no way I'd endure a bikini wax. I wouldn't dance for my man no matter how much he grovelled. Belly dancing for a man carries a serious risk of humiliating laughter.

Nor would I let him rope me into hard-ass labor like moving furniture or hanging drywall. If I cook he does the dishes and vice versa. I wouldn't feel a need to feign interest in football any more than I'd expect him to sit through Trading Spaces or Queer Eye. If I did just as good a job as a guy I'd expect equal pay. But I'd also expect male coworkers to open doors for me and pull out chairs too. I'd go ape-shit if they ogled my cleavage or bared legs though---the exception being if I dressed real provocatively---then I think I'd figure I had it coming. I know I wouldn't get along well with other girls. They'd hate me. I'd shamelessly steal their boyfriends.

I guess I'd be a pretty shitty girl. How 'bout you?

comments (12)

For the record, I wear fishnets for me. They're fucking HOT (and they hide the fact that I haven't shaved my legs since October).

by Leaffin at April 2, 2004 11:55 PM

hide the fact....or just add more fish in the nets?

by lajoie at April 3, 2004 1:49 AM

Speaking of fishnets, I haven't worn pantyhose in years. Now I don't know if I could convince myself to put a pair back on. Hmm.

Leaffin, you're so lucky that you can get away with that. I can't :(

by jean at April 3, 2004 6:47 AM

Perhaps the lamest of the long list of lame gifts I've bought my lovely wife over the years was a black leather miniskirt and matching fishnets. Oh yeah, she wears that all the time.

by anna at April 3, 2004 9:45 AM

Wait, you aren't a girl... Then what the hell is with the name?

by mg at April 3, 2004 6:14 PM

MG, a long time ago you hired me to write here and I was this person in a burqa that everyone assumed was female despite the distinctly male character of my writing style and.... I want my Bad Sam name changed to Sores Get Pussy. It's gender-neutral!

by anna at April 3, 2004 8:12 PM

Sorry, away from Bad Sam for the weekend. People are usually too busy noticing that I'm wearing fishnets to look beyond that for leg hair tangles in the fishnets. How's that for an interesting mental image?

by Leaffin at April 5, 2004 12:16 AM

I'm having trouble visualizing that. Pix?

by anna at April 5, 2004 7:31 AM

Leaf has either blonde leg hair or sparse leg hair, is my guess.

by Linz at April 5, 2004 8:36 AM

Nice try, Anna. It's not blonde, but I guess it is kinda sparse. You'd definitely notice that I haven't shaved if I didn't cover my legs.

I'm almost blushing here. Multiple comments about my leg hair?

by Leaffin at April 5, 2004 10:47 AM

We could talk about mine instead.
It's blonde, but there's lots of it. Which is 50% fine in artificial lighting, but if the sun shines on it, I have tiny glowing lasers around my legs. Not in a sexy way.

by Linz at April 5, 2004 10:59 AM

fishnets love them and i would wear high heels too for my guy

by terry at October 23, 2005 1:09 AM

comments are closed