The other night Amy and I were planning our birthdays. She wants to go to NYC for the day for a spa visit and, hopefully, tickets to the Daily Show. I want steak, BJs, and other freaky sex acts. Men, huh? At least my presents require no travel and will be relatively inexpensive. I digress. Well, here we are planning all of these fun activities and I started thinking that I will be thirty-four this April the 21st. Thirty-four!!! How in the hell did that happen? Wasnít I just graduating from high school or traveling the world care of the US Army? While thinking of my age I realized that next year Iíll be thirty-five. Thatís closing in on forty a bit too quickly for my liking. All of these things were running through my head and I started reflecting on my life. I have accomplished quite a few things in thirty-three years but I was always a late starter. I feel like I shouldíve been at this point in my life during my late twenties. I feel like I should be doing more. Finishing my BS is one thing that has been on my list for quite a few years but I never can seem to find the time to pursue. I would like to own a house before Iím sixty. For a few minutes there, Iím ashamed to say, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack.
Things are moving a lot more quickly than I ever thought they would. Remember when you were in high school and thirty seemed like it was light years away. I want that back. I think about being forty-five or so and itís not that much of a stretch. Am I just insane or have any of you been through this? Iím starting to scare myself and I donít want to become the ďobsessed with death guyĒ. I donít think itís dying that scares me though. I have lived a hard thirty-three years from alcohol abuse to drug exploration to other abuses of my body and itís all going to catch up sooner or later. I just donít want to be a crippled up old fuck having to rely on other people to take a crap. Iím totally losing it. How is this for the antithesis to Linzís happy spring post?
Old Age is wonderful... I'd love to be in my sixties about to die any day in my sleep, or while gardening in some New England suburb... I'd trade my youth to an old man or old women... if I only could... well Ezy, if you're in NYC for your b-day's give Lockheed a call: 917-568-8419, you and our respective soulmates can have sushi.
by LOCKHEED at March 11, 2004 5:34 PM
Ezy it's all much ado about nothing. We've met, we've talked about these things. I'm 44 and have been through all that as well (in some respects it continues.) Dude, we're all immortal. And if we're not, please just let us go out with a bang. Give me a massive MI over a protracted illness that leaves you all withered and frail any day. Rock on.
by anna at March 11, 2004 7:51 PM
Considering I am young, young, young, much younger than everyone always is, no, I've never been throught that. Screw being a crippled old fuck. Cellulite-free skin, fresh new lungs to abuse, and plenty of brain cells to spare... being young rocks.
I am so going to live forever.
by Yen at March 11, 2004 8:45 PM
* through, not throught (rolls eyes)
by Yen at March 11, 2004 8:59 PM
Oh quit your bitchin, you have like another 6 years before you totally old and useless. Just surround yourself with a ton of folks who dont care that your all F'ed up and YOU BE JUST FINE! :) Oh and, you know I loves ya, ya old F'er!
by Fratta at March 11, 2004 11:32 PM
by jean at March 12, 2004 3:52 AM
13 years old, a handful of Plastidil (sp?). Stumbling around a Mcdonalds, knocking people's burgers off the tables. The manager says, "Son, you're gonna die young." Well? I'm still here.
by anna at March 12, 2004 7:42 AM
I know how that feels, I worry about becoming old too sometimes and I'm only 20, which proves I'm a bigger worry-freak than you are, so nyah. :-P
Seriously though, there's a saying in spanish that goes "El tiempo es cruel y no perdona" (time is cruel and unforgiving) and then there's the one a friend of mine came up with and is fond of saying: "Time is unforgiving, but it loves Life"
I choose to heed the latter and ignore the former.
by Lucy at March 12, 2004 9:43 AM
Lock my man, I'll be sure to get up with you while in NYC. Maybe you and your lady can come to the Daily Show? It'll be fun, fun, fun!
Anna, I know. I just can't believe that the "old age is gonna get you" panic attack happened to me. That shit is only supposed to happen to other people damnit.
Yen, you're not helping ;-)
Fratta, who you callin old you old hag? I can run circles around you and you know it. What are you doin, fishing for some broken ribs or something? Love ya back jigga.
Lucy, twenty?! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I remember parts of my twenties. I'm pretty sure I had a good time.
by Ezy at March 12, 2004 11:10 AM
I had one moment of shining awareness of my mortality about a year ago. But I forget what that felt like and have since returned to my ridiculous notion of invincibility. Screw it. I'll believe this all along, and when I die, no one will be more surprised than me. I'm with you Anna. I don't think death is the end, but if it is, please let it be swift and painless. Let me swandive out of a rocketship and implode or something.
As far as getting old though... on the cover of NYT last Sunday was a teen couple kissing, and I marveled at how young they looked. And the aforementioned foxy young waiters at my Friday gigs? They don't even consider me as eligible, not because of my boyfriend but bc of my age. Well, one asked me out. That cheered me. But the others act like I'm the wizened old village wise woman.
by Linz at March 12, 2004 11:35 AM
p.s. Ezy, in looking at the "on this day" link, this week marks the year anniversary of your Date with the Dark One.
by Linz at March 12, 2004 11:38 AM
Ezy, I'm supposed to be helping? That wasn't part of the job description.
And Lucy, I am even younger than you are. :D
by yen at March 12, 2004 12:12 PM
Holy shit Linz! What a difference a year makes huh? That period of my life feels like it happened ten years ago instead of one. I really was disappointed with the sex. That was some shitty shaggin. Damn.
I have also caught myself looking at younger peeps differently. Even some of the chicks in Hustler make me feel dirty for looking. The great thing about it is that it's only going to get worse. Wheeeeee!
by Ezy at March 12, 2004 12:21 PM
I'm completely fine with being 24. I almost don't feel old enough, especially when I'm at work and sometimes wish I were older (and looked older) so people would give me automatic respect. However, I have a friend who is 2 weeks older than me and has been lying for about the past 3 years about her age--- she usually knocks about 2 years off her age when anyone asks. I think she wants to be 20 forever.
As for dating ages, although I was just a college student last year, it almost seems like robbing the cradle to even think about dating someone who is still in college (especially if they're in their fresh or soph years). On the other end of the spectrum, a 40-year-old asked me out (a customer at work, nonetheless) and she was rejected mostly because of her age.
by Leaffin at March 12, 2004 1:57 PM
Yen, you're not supposed to be helping? Bah!! On your knees and beg missy! *Done in my best drill sergeant voice*
Hell, I was fine with 24 too. It just didn't stop there as I had planned. Dude, I have a niece who is twenty and one who is seventeen. Nothing makes you feel older than having nieces that age. It's awful in the summer too. My sister has a pool and there are always all of these hot little seventeen year old chica friends wearing next to nothing, lounging about the pool area. If that doesn't make you feel like a dirty old man then nothing will.
by Ezy at March 12, 2004 2:51 PM
I was on my college campus last week and the guys there were as hot as they've ever been, but now they're six to ten years younger than me! Made me feel like a dirty old *woman*.
Once one of my co-workers, about 35, struck up a sex-only relationship with one of the office clerks, who was about 22. I'll never forget the day she told me about it, and said, "There's nothing quite like young flesh." Ever afterwards I couldn't see him pushing around his cart full of mail and Scotch tape without thinking about his young flesh.
by jean at March 12, 2004 5:50 PM
Linz is with me!!! Jean, they let you guys have Scotch tape? At my dungeon it's considered a suicide risk.
by anna at March 12, 2004 6:25 PM
Is that for real, Anna?
by jean at March 13, 2004 2:36 AM
There really isn't quite anything like young flesh. Those with the young flesh, though, always seem to drift towards the aged and experienced, in bed and out. Damn Oedipal complex.
by yen at March 13, 2004 8:45 AM
No but every year they do need to remind us that bringing loaded guns to work is frowned upon. I'm always like, damn, the company policy never changes.
by anna at March 13, 2004 5:27 PM
Yen: Younger than 20???? I hate you. Not really, just at the moment.
Recently I got asked out by a 27 yr old and I couldn't help but think "Man, that's ancient". I mean, he's only 3 years away from 30 while I'm still light-years away :-P
by Lucy at March 14, 2004 1:28 AM
Lucy, are you crazy? I'd never fall for anyone less than eight years older than I am :-)
by yen at March 15, 2004 12:14 AM
My best work was dating a 34-year-old when I was 24. Lucy, you really need to shake that worry about being old. You've got, by general standards in the U.S., like at least 3 times as much life ahead as behind you. Are you gonna spend the rest of it wishing you were a confused teenager again? I've personally never been happier than I am now.
And those cutie young waiters at the one restaurant where I do a happy hour gig on Fridays? Listening to them talk about their love lives reminds me why I always dated guys a few years older.
by Linz at March 15, 2004 9:05 AM
I was always drawn to older women when I was younger. There never seemed to be quite as much drama and they knew exactly what they wanted. The games were fun to play at times but it was nice to not have to all of the time. One of the hottest older women I had fun with was a teacher at my high school. She was twenty seven and I was seventeen. What a crazy hot mamasita. Yummy.
by Ezy at March 15, 2004 10:34 AM
*stopping naughty fantasies...*
Shannon, do you have any comparable stories?? since we now know you aren't a ninth-grader...
by Linz at March 15, 2004 10:39 AM
Come on Shan, we want the dirt!
I have just re-inforced that I not only feel old, I am. My company softball team I am coaching/playing on had practice Saturday. Holy God in heaven. My entire body feels like the last time I was in a car accident. What kind of crap is that? I can barely walk and it hurts to laugh or cough. This sucks.
by Ezy at March 15, 2004 3:00 PM
So, how does a youngin' handle the older women? My, um, friend wants to know.
by MrBlank at March 15, 2004 7:54 PM
All I did was learn from her. She told me what she wanted and I tried my best to deliver. What I lacked in experience I made up for with stamina. That was some seriously fun stuff. I payed attention in that class; that's for sure.
by Ezy at March 15, 2004 8:30 PM
Ezy that is pitiful. Softball? I feel that way after 90 grueling minutes on the soccer field being knocked around by brutal female wings who think they can take advantage of me just because they're 20 years younger than me.
by anna at March 17, 2004 7:38 PM
Yea Anna, softball. I had no idea that a couple of months of inactivity could do that to a body. I've stepped up my workout regimen and I think I'll be ready for action by April 14th, when our league starts. What a puss.
by Ezy at March 23, 2004 2:41 PM