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Slip Sliding Away

by ezy at 04:28 PM on February 17, 2004

If you guys havenít noticed, I havenít been around as much as usual. There is a good reason for this; I swear.

Last Wednesday started out comfortable enough. The temperature had soared to a balmy forty degrees which was a huge improvement from twenty five, let me tell you. I woke up, had breakfast with Amy, and made my way to work. I arrived at nine AM and started into the office. I didnít quite make it. There happened to be an ice slick just before the sidewalk and, having walked on ice all winter with no mishaps, I decided to run the gauntlet again for a short cut. Well, I found out something that was filed away in my brain but I had forgotten; ice gets much slicker when there is water melting on top of it. I fell. No, that doesnít quite describe it sufficiently. I busted my ass hard. I hadnít taken a hit like that since playing pick-up football in high school when I had my wind knocked out and broke my nose. I had to lay there for a minute and take inventory. Everything moved and nothing felt broken so I got up. I strolled around the side of the building trying to walk it off.

My boss and a co-worker came outside to laugh at me but didnít when they saw how much pain I was in. I played it off and went in to work anyway. About an hour into things I had to walk to the front of the building to question one of my sales people on a project I was trying to complete. I got about half way when pain exploded in my head and my leg decided to quit working. I had to stop and lean over a box to keep from falling. My buddy Kaya saw me and asked if I was ok. I told him no and asked him to take me to the ER. They put me in a chair with wheels, the most comfy wheelchair I was to encounter all day, and pushed me to the side door. Kaya pulled up and helped me into his truck. We arrived at the hospital and they brought a wheelchair out for me. Do they make wheelchairs for extremely skinny people only? It seemed that way to me because I had to wiggle my ass to even get in the damn thing and Iím not an obese person. Sure, I could stand to lose ten or so but this was ridiculous. I finally got through all of the red tape to be seen and they wheeled me back to x-ray. The nurse saw the pained look on my face and brought some Percocet for me. I loved this woman at that point. The only problem is that after suffering through the first battery of x-rays the physicianís assistant decided I also needed a lumbar spine x-ray. She saw the look on my face and gave me another Percocet. My gratitude knew no bounds. Well, to make a long story short there were no breaks so they scheduled me for an MRI and sent me home.

Amy, damn I love that girl. She stayed home with me and waited on me hand and foot. I couldnít get off of the couch until Saturday and then it was a pretty painful process. You know what the kicker is? We were flying out to Missouri the Wednesday I fell at six oí five PM. Howís that for bad luck. She was disappointed, seeing as how this is the first time she has ever tried to take a guy home to meet her family, but never took her disappointment out on me or even let me see it. I know I did nothing wrong on purpose but sometimes that fact is overshadowed by personal reasons or at least that has been my past experience. Thatís my girl.

Today, I went in for my MRI. Let me preface this with how much I hate being in closed in places. I abhor being trapped in close quarters. Iím not full on claustrophobic but Iím close enough to break out in cold sweats and shortness of breath. Well, I get to the hospital and was sent to the MRI lab. The guy that came in seemed nice enough but you never can tell about someone who will enclose you in a tube where you canít move for twenty minutes. I told him of my nervousness and he reassured me that it would be over before I knew it. He put me on the table, gave me some headphones tuned to the local alternative station and asked if I wanted a cover for my eyes. I declined, not wanting to look like a total bitch, and he started me into the tube. He must have seen how tightly I had my eyes closed because he stopped the machine and put the cover on anyway. The first five minutes tested me. My shoulders are pretty wide and they were wedged between the sides of the tube. This didnít suit me at all. I wanted to scream and get the hell out of there then Hey Ya came on the radio. It was my savior, thereís no doubt. It got near the end of the song and I started to get a little panicky then Cypress Hill came on. It seemed like the DJ somehow recognized my plight and was spinning a set for me. Vertical Horizon came on and then it was over. What!? I survived without freaking out. I joked with the technician, for a minute, then beat feet out of there. Thank God for good music.

comments (11)

Urgh. My mom took a wicked fall a few summers back and was bruised for something stupid like two months. The bruise just kept spreading -- right down to the bottom of her heel. I know she didn't enjoy it much, as I'm sure you haven't.

I hope you feel better really soon Ezy. It always sucks when something like that happens.

by Jen at February 17, 2004 6:01 PM

Good to see you Ezy, thought maybe we'd lost you to the demons again. Two MRI tips for the future: They have open MRI scannners. It just cost the insurance co more. And if you complain about being claustrophobic most MDs will prescribe...Valium!!!

by anna at February 17, 2004 6:31 PM


What was that about "Drug Seeking Behaviors Noted. Do Not Dispense Narcotic Painkillers to Him Under Any Circunstance" in one of your previous posts?

by chuck woolery at February 17, 2004 7:42 PM

ouch ezy! thus the percoset tie-in from the anna's valentine's day post. so was it your back?

i just read an article in today's ny times about pistol pete maravich's kid, and how in his quest to become an nba player, he's torn a ligament in his back. twice! i'm still wincing just thinking about it.

jen i had a similar thing happen a few years back when i took a huge spill horsing around with friends and playing touch football. i landed right on the small of my back after jumping for some reason or another. anyway, long story short my back sustained a really deep bruise that puffed up, but had no color. it felt like i was wearing a fannypack. well the doc told me that when the bruise surfaced it would just likely drain down my legs and wind up on my heels. i guess i wasn't paying close enough attention because once the puffy sack dissappeared from my back i just stopped looking for symptoms and i think i missed the whole "grand bruise expression" on my heels. it sure sounded cool though.

by lajo at February 17, 2004 7:52 PM

Ow, Ezy, I hope you feel better soon. Falling-down injuries take so long to heal. Don't feel bad about fearing the MRI. I had to get a CAT scan last year and I was scared out of my wits. My phobia is needles, and after running a full set of scans, the radiologist decided he needed to put me on an IV of radioactive iodine for "better contrast." It was horrible.

by jean at February 18, 2004 2:52 AM

Wow hunny! That'll teach you to wear your no-tread saddle shoes...

Glad you're okay!

by Linz at February 18, 2004 9:28 AM

Thank you guys.

Jen, I have a bruise that extends from my lower back half way down my freakin thigh. Amy assures me it's hot.

Anna, nope no demons over here. I think they've been successfully exorcised. I didn't know they'd give you Valium for that. I think I need to consult you before any further visits to doctors. You can be my perscription drug consultant and I can be your prodigy.

Yea Lajo, Pistol Pete was an animal. Can you believe the pain he must have had to endure. The back shows no mercy. I had a cyst once that drained while I was least expecting it. It kind of made me understand what happens when a woman's water breaks or at least in my mind.

Oh Jean, that sucks. Wouldn't you have gone for high contrast first instead of monkeying around? If they would've attempted to put me back in that thing I honestly don't know if I could've gone. Maybe they would've given me Valium? Damn, missed my chance.

Thank you Linz. I was wearing my sexy flats though, not saddle shoes.

by Ezy at February 18, 2004 9:59 AM

My doc has got it all wrong. It was just a string of unfortunate soccer injuries over the years: torn quadricep, dislocated patella etc. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. That bitch.

by anna at February 19, 2004 7:57 AM

Doctors can suck sometimes Anna. If you "need" perscription drugs then they should write the script, in my opinion. Hey, at least it's not heroin huh? I have found that doctors, in our area, won't perscribe good pain medication unless your leg is half off. Wonder why that is?

I had a buddy in high school that always got any perscription drug he asked his doctor for. I tested him one day and asked for him to pick me up some Darvocets for the next day. The next day rolled around and guess what? Darvocets, the big ones. His physician was this old geezer that believed drugs could cure the world and would write anything for his patients. He was later found out and investigated. The crappy thing is that he actually thought he was doing the right thing. Sucks to be a doctor sometimes I guess.

by Ezy at February 19, 2004 11:35 AM

That reminds me of my HS buddy Billy. This guy was deadpan as it gets. All the time I knew him he was on Valium. He kept telling this quack that he "couldn't get comfortable."

Another time we were in Biology class and we were supposed to be drawing this rodent skull. Out of nowhere he smashed it with his fist and came up bleeding profusely. The teacher asked him what had happened and he said: "I dunno. I was just looking at it and it broke." Classic line.

by anna at February 19, 2004 7:00 PM

I would like to have met you in high school Anna. Nah, we would've died.

by Ezy at February 19, 2004 8:35 PM

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