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indicate precisely what you mean to say, yours sincerely wasting away

by mg at 02:20 PM on February 27, 2004

In a month or two I’ll be turning 28. As the average age amongst Bad Sammers seems to skew slightly higher than that, I’m sure 28 doesn’t sound all that old.

But it is. Or at least it feels that way.

I’m only two years away from 30. Students entering high school now were born after I started high school. Speaking of high school, my ten-year reunion will be coming up shortly. Amongst friends my age, there will be 5 marriages this year.

Certain recent events in my personal life have shocked me into adulthood. In a couple months, I’m going to finish my Masters Degree. Unless you’re the smart as the kids on Head of the Class, having a graduate degree pretty much assures you’ve reached a certain age and maturity level. Well, maybe not maturity level, but certainly age.

What is even more telling that these sort of statistical factors, is how I’m now interacting with the world around me. I went out a couple weeks ago, the first time in a month, and had a couple beers. Literally, a couple of beers. Those two drinks really knocked me for a loop. Not only that, but I finished my drinks at about 10:30, and decided to go home.

Only a couple years ago I’d be at the bars every night of the week. Not only was I at the bars, but I closed them most nights. Sure, I worked in a bar and had to stay till 1-2am to close, but even on nights I wasn’t working, say Tuesday, I still made it 'till last call. Now, my last call gets me home in time to catch beginning of the 11 o’clock news.

A couple nights ago some kids were talking really loud as they walked down my block. They got into a yelling match, which woke me up. I was just about ready to call the cops, but then they got into a fistfight, and I was more interested in watching the drama than ending it. I’ve NEVER even talked to a noisy neighbor about turning it down. Now, I’m calling the cops screaming about “Kids today”?

But the absolute worst of it are the physical changes. I wont get into refractory periods, but I will mention I now have more gray hairs than I can count. But the one thing that has me up at night in cold sweats is my gut. After spending your entire youth outgrowing shoes, pants, pulling on shirts to find a full-length sleeve is now a 3/4 length, you reach a certain age where you can be sure that a pair of pants you buy will last you.

And then, apparently, you reach another age where you’ll never need to change your shoe size, but that tight sweater is now painfully so, and those comfortable jeans are more a struggle to get into than the Olsen Twins.

I have reached that age.

I’ve now officially out-fatted three pairs of pants. There was an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry finally had to admit he’d grew him his high school size of 31, to a 32. As hard as it may be for me to believe, my gut has outgrown Seinfeld’s, who at the time, was probably ten years older than me. I’d get on a strict regimen of sit-ups, but boy, do my bones ache.

comments (14)

You and me both, brother. Seriously, what is with kids today? Do we need all the yelling and the hoopla on the train? Punks. And then I think, damn, that was us a few years ago. And then I think, wait, it was ten years ago, not a few, and then I get all bleak and shit.

And don't even mention hair. I've yet to see any gray, but there definitely seems to be less up top than there used to be.

On the plus side, I discovered that I'd been using the fourth hole from the end on my belt instead of the third, which means either I've gotten a little thinner (I can't imagine how), or my pants had been on the verge of falling the whole time.

Sit-ups-- bah. Who has the energy anymore? I need a nap.

by Adam L. at February 27, 2004 2:37 PM

I haven't as of yet read this post, but I just wanted to say that I'm younger than 28.

By a fair bit.


I'm young and cute. It's fun to rub in.

*hugs* to MG, though. He's the best, so I'm not looking to make him grumpy. I'd say that while he may be 28 in age, he's 18 in looks and spirit. ;)

by Jen at February 27, 2004 4:22 PM

I canít remember how old I am. It only matters until 25 when your car insurance payments go down, anyway. Iím pretty sure Iím at a similar point with you, mg. This past year, or so, Iíve had to replace all of my pants because my waist went up two sizes. It doesnít bother me too much because I get a lot of comments about how Iíve filled in and donít look too skinny anymore. I just miss my abs.

I still donít have a problem staying out late. My average bedtime during the week is still between 12 and 1 am with work at 8 am. I yawn a lot at work, until noon, and then Iím fine.

I wonder if the same thing applies to women? Does that mean Iím to the point where all my dates are going to be Ö I think I better end that tought.

by MrBlank at February 27, 2004 4:28 PM

i have no idea what ANY of you are talking about. i am ageless and intend to stay that way.

by lajo at February 27, 2004 4:53 PM

oh, ok one thing i've noticed:

my bowels are a little more irritable this year.

also my left knee pops,

and my right jaw clicks,

i found a hair growing in my ear,

i found another on my shoulder,

crap, i guess i am getting older. this is terrible.

by lajo at February 27, 2004 6:06 PM

Lajo, you do look ageless in the Nissan commercial until the bullies start pelting you with water (piss?) balloons for no apparent reason.

MG, I think today's 20somethings are older than in my carefree day. Trust me, back then, there was no concept of a "quarter-life crisis." I swear I read about that somewhere.

by anna at February 27, 2004 6:35 PM

I had one of those, a quarter-life crisis. There are a few books on it, so maybe that's where you heard it, Anna. I turned 28 in November. I wept all day. Naw, just kidding, I didn't. I don't know what to make about the turning-30-soon thing. I'm not sure whether, when the time comes, it'll be a big deal or not.

by jean at February 28, 2004 3:44 AM

My plan is and always has been to pick an age and stick with it. Frankly, 21 was a decent number (don't remember about the year itself), so I'm keeping that.

by Jen at February 29, 2004 10:22 AM

Ahhhh yes, Father Time catches us all. I just realized, thanks to MG, that I'm going to turn thirty-four April the twenty-first. Thirty-four!!! I have started my ritualistic workout regimen to get ready for the beach in June but the pounds seem to not want to come off as easily. I remember, in my twenties, when i could drop ten pounds in a week with minimal effort. Now I train like I'm going to be in the damn Olympics and lose a pound in a week. This sucks a large one. I put a power steering pump on my car this weekend and could barely get out of bed this morning. My aches and pains have aches and pains. I can't wait until my knees start aching from an approaching rain storm. That's going to be hot.

by Ezy at March 1, 2004 10:30 AM

MG- why doesnt this site have a RSS feed? Dickhead.

by Eviltom at March 2, 2004 10:57 PM

There is an RSS feed available. Point your browser to: YouSuckAss.com. Or one of these links: XML or RDF

by mg at March 3, 2004 12:23 PM

Oh, how embarrassing. I stand corrected. You geek. But you know what... how come Yahoo doesn't know about your RSS feed?


But Yahoo knows about LYD's feed and all:


by Eviltom at March 3, 2004 8:49 PM

I clicked those links. That is some majorly geeky stuff!

by anna at March 4, 2004 7:54 AM


push your taped eyeglasses further up your nose with your soft skinny fingers before clicking those links.

i'm reminded of the old movie airplane where the nice old lady leans over to the stewardess (having trouble understanding the hip black characters) and says "excuse me stewardess...but i speak jive."

and in this case it's code.

by lajo at March 4, 2004 1:16 PM

comments are closed