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What are you looking up here for, the joke's in your hand

by anna at 07:06 PM on November 04, 2003

Besides the obvious ones like Britney Spears racks and J. Lo butts, there are certain traits a guy might notice about a gal. Take that gap at the top of her legs, right under her 'taint. Not all gals have that but those who do sure get a thorough looking-over at the beach. Another is something I saw today, the ability to cross one's legs twice, once at thigh level and again down at the ankles. Truly amazing and eye-catching too, like pursed lips that never quite close.

Speaking of legs, some girls cross theirs and then start pumping the top one to and fro. I don't know if it's a nervous habit or a subtle form of stimulation or an overt attempt to attract attention but if it's the latter, it is working like a charm.

It's akin to that swiveling walk you see sometimes. It seems like it consumes an inordinate amount of energy to simply get from point A to point B. Given that, there must be another reason women cultivate such an exaggerated gait.

I'd submit that most married women don't strut that way. Their walk is more a means of ambulation than some tacky burlesque show. Then there are women who do strut but you wish they didn't, like majorly plus size broads in clingy frocks. Seeing that is like walking in on your parents---not an enticing sight.

A girl says, "Pass the catsup." She keeps her hands to herself. It hardly registers. A girl locks eyes with a guy and lightly touches his wrist and "Pass the catsup" turns into an erotically charged request. Likewise, I don't know who invented pantyhose but you can bet it wasn't a man. We've always preferred garters and nylons no matter what a hassle they may be to remove.

When it comes to alluring girl names, I think it's important that you include some characters other than letters. An accent mark or that two dot thing or even a hyphen will do in a pinch. Call it the Charlize Theron rule. (Add you own accent as I don't know how in MT.)

Lastly, gals who want to be hit on should eat hot dogs, ice cream cones or bananas and do so seductively. They shouldn't eat sensible salads. They should dance with each other. They shouldn't dance on tables. They should wear lipstick. They shouldn't wear t-shirts that read, "Fat chicks try harder in bed."

I had some stuff written up about guys but I'll leave that to y'all. All I will say is that guys on the make should not wear cologne.

comments (11)

nor should guys on the make shave their neck hair. i call that the drunken goat, the teenage menonite or sometimes the columbian necktie. girls just swoon...

by lajoie at November 4, 2003 7:46 PM

It's called an umlaut.

by mg at November 4, 2003 10:38 PM

I once saw a graphic photo of an actual Columbian necktie. You know, where they slit your throat and then route your tongue out through there. I don't know what's worse, that or that flaming tire necklace they used to use in South Africa.

by anna at November 5, 2003 7:51 AM

I think I must be in a minority, but I love good cologne in moderation, it totally turns me on. Conversely, bad cologne or excessive cologne is very pimpy.

by Linz at November 5, 2003 11:33 AM

well anna, there's that old mobster technique of cutting off your banana, killing you, then sticking it in your mouth facing out.

cologne is a little weird...though i had a period in high school i'm not entirely proud of. nothing but aftershave for this cowboys these days. but i wouldn't say i'm on the make either. more like the broke.

by lajoie at November 5, 2003 12:31 PM

Kenneth Cloe's "Black" is pretty good. Abercrombie's "Woods" is another. Armani's" Acqua Di Gio" is pretty good too. Like Linz says though, wear any cologn in moderation. There's nothing worse than standing beside someone, for a minute, and coming away wearing their scent. Rude.

Did any of you guys ever wear Polo Sport or Cool Water back in the day?

by Ezy at November 5, 2003 1:00 PM

I remember back in college, all the guys wanted Cool Water! Walking around campus, if guys had anything on at all, they all smelled the same. They needed to branch out. I think I got Chanel Allure for my ex once, as I thought it smelled really nice. It had a hint of grapefruit. But I like any fragrance on a guy, as long as he hasn't taken a dip in it. Some guys smell great when they've just showered, like when they get into work in the morning. Does anyone else here covertly sniff their colleagues also?

by jean at November 5, 2003 2:44 PM

no. i overtly sniff collies. but only when sniffed.

by lajoie at November 5, 2003 2:47 PM

I remember those days Jean. There was a point there when you couldn't tell whether you or the guy standing beside you had put on too much Cool Water. I switched over to Obsession for men quickly.

I think we've all probably taken a sniff, of a collegue, on the sly at one point or another in our lives. A couple of years ago I worked with this girl that always smelled great. I used to go out of my way to go by and say hi so I could smell her. I still have no idea what she was wearing since I was too embarrased to ask but it was yummy.

Amy says she likes my smell when I get back from working out or when I have just woken up in the morning. I think I smell like a filthy beast but she insists she likes me better dirty. Go figure. Must be love.

Collies are rude that way Lajoie.

by Ezy at November 5, 2003 3:58 PM

Speaking of the smell of coworkers, there's an interesting dynamic I have noticed at long meetings. They'l finally allow a break and of course the jonesing smokers scurry out to sneak a smoke. When they come back into the cramped meeting area, they are all chewing gum or sucking mints but reeking nonetheless. The non-smokers are having none of that and they literally will pick up their stuff and relocate.

I still smoke sparingly but I never do in those situations.

by anna at November 5, 2003 6:45 PM

smoking makes girls look grown-up and sexy.you've come a long way baby.my pregnant wife's sashay was a waddling wobble of sex appeal.especially when she was smoking.she only smokes when she drinks.my fragrance of choice is soap,it is sublime.

by erectmonkey at November 12, 2003 2:22 PM

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