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Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here every day

by anna at 12:42 PM on November 02, 2003

Not to horn in on Doyce’s turf, but I had to share this little ditty with y’all. Seems a known sexual predator had been exposing himself outside a Catholic girls’ school. The gals took exception. 20 of them chased the asshole down the street, tackled him and pummeled him into submission. He sustained sufficient injuries to require hospital treatment. When docs released him, Philly’s finest swooped in. He’s charged with multiple counts to include corrupting the morals of a minor. No word on whether assault charges were leveled against the violent mob of Catholic girls. Shades of that heroic throng of fliers that set upon Richard Reid, forcibly sedated the would-be shoe-bomber and tied him up with their belts---bully for them.

There’s nothing more pathetic than a peeping Tom. It’s like they’re deviants who lack the moxie to be any more than passive deviants. Then again, they’re relatively harmless.

That being said, I can’t get past the imagery of these chicks hurtling down the street in their primly starched white blouses, dental floss thongs and pleated plaid skirts hot on the heels of this pervert. It slays me. I don’t know what is a more titillating mental picture, that or them straddling this no doubt bewildered lecher on the ground. Yet you can’t help but wonder if he found this to be a highly erotic experience. Catholic schoolgirls in their coquettish uniforms rank right up there with French maids in fishnet stockings, naughty nurses and the bookish librarian who doffs her glasses and shakes her mane free from its constrictive bun, after all. (Could one of those unspecified maladies that landed him in the hospital be an acute case of blue balls?)

Now when it comes to language, I prefer clarity and precision. That’s why the term “sexual predator” is way too vague for my liking. It could encompass everything from an aggressive pickup artist to a peeping Tom to a Kobe-type he said she said deal to a pre-GHB rapist laying in wait behind a garbage can. Although one thing is for sure---they are the most widely reviled of criminals. When that Boston pedophile priest bought it in prison, who didn’t suppress a self-satisfied snicker? Or at least it’s safe to say no one outside NAMBLA mourned his loss.

And just how do you suppose a murderer with a known animosity toward gays found himself alone with this boy-buggering man of the cloth? Because guards set the priest up, that’s how. Both killer and victim were supposed to remain separated from the general inmate population for their own protection. But they obviously weren’t, because the former had time to beat the sickly old man to death with his bare hands. And he won’t pay any price for his misdeed. Hurray!

I wouldn’t call him a fanatic but one of my associates holds some pretty extremist views. He laments that what were once considered sinful behaviors are now just alternate lifestyles or pastimes. What was once adultery is now carefree swinging, hooking up replaces commitment and all that reactionary rot. He thinks the time will come when pedophilia joins gaiety, casual blowjobs, wife-swapping and drive-thru sex-changes as acceptable practices. I’m not so sure though, particularly when you consider that some of these lechers lust after infants---yes, infants .

Speaking of babies, both my stepdaughters are pregnant. The one I used to vacuum around has hardly gained any weight, isn’t poring over child-rearing books and has continued to smoke albeit much less than before. Overall she’s taken a blase approach to her pregnancy. Thus this life-changing event didn’t seem even remotely real until today’s baby shower. Now it seems all too real. I am going to be a step-grandpa and yes, I’m ecstatic. But I’m sure as hell not going to attend any baby shower. Men do not belong at showers unless it’s at the gym.

And yeah I know there’s a difference between homosexuality and same-sex child molestation so please, don’t even start in with me.

comments (11)

i don't mean to get into the mind of a pervert, but i'll bet all kicks and punches aside...the physical attention that mr. cretin got from all the girls in pleated skirts will give him the mental imagery to get him off from here to eternity.

let's hope some chick dropped a knee and sterilized our story's hero...

by lajoie at November 2, 2003 6:13 PM

If that were possible I wouldn't have a son.

by anna at November 2, 2003 6:43 PM

I encountered a flasher once, and it really was a puzzling experience. A few years ago, I was walking to my apartment, which was on a very busy street, about 9 o'clock at night. Several yards before the building this guy was leaning against my friend's car (which really grossed her out afterwards), and when we were about 4 or 5 feet away, he suddenly said, "I just got circumcised today," and we realized that his penis was sticking out of his fly! Both my friend and I said something nasty to him, and we made straight for my apartment door. I really don't get what he got out of that. What sort of response could he possibly have been expecting? And how did he feel about the fact that what he actually got instead was about as much scorn and insult as we could fit into the split second before we booked it for my place? What's the basis for satisfaction in that situation? I'm totally stumped about it.

by jean at November 3, 2003 5:13 AM

You bring up a good point Jean. My sister was quite the looker in her day, Homecoming Queen and all that. She reports that guys wolf-whistling and making suggestive remarks is the one sure way to ensure they don't get into her pants. When, in some of their cases, they otherwise might have stood a decent chance with her. Same thing with flashers.

by anna at November 3, 2003 7:51 AM

too bad the article didn't include pictures of the event... heh heh.

by Linz at November 3, 2003 10:14 AM

i see the cat calls and whistles all day here. you have to think that somewhere, sometime, it worked for some lucky guy. why the hell else has it made through all these years of breeding and the natural selection of behavior tendencies?

as for flashers, one can only surmise that they take the knowledge home with them that someone's seen the goods, and then construct morbid fantasies from there. hilarity ensues.

by lajoie at November 3, 2003 11:54 AM

Ugh, considering the jerks that some of my friends are dating, I think that to a large chunk of women, jerky behavior doesn't register to them as being wrong. One of them found herself in bed with some guy about two months after she'd gotten out of a really serious, six-year relationship. When things got heavy, she said she thought it might be a bad idea to have sex and the guy (who knew about her ex) started into a rant about "Why do women get to lead men on and lead men on, but at the end of it all, they can just say they don't want to have sex with them?" Two years later, the happy couple are still together. Why, I just had dinner with them the other week. I just pray she never asks me to attend their wedding.

by jean at November 3, 2003 3:42 PM

Jean I guess you can mark that up to desperation. And Linz, I tried my danmdest to fill that void. Dental floss things!

by anna at November 3, 2003 6:24 PM

flashers are hysterical.so are catholic schoolgirls.smack them together and strike up the band.men who go to couple showers become flashers.is anyone keeping up with the monkey situation in india?

by erectmonkey at November 12, 2003 12:58 PM

i am. they're still running amok. details to follow.

by anna at November 12, 2003 6:21 PM

I support the actions of the flasher. In fact, he inspires me. If only we all had as mush courage as that brave wonderful man has. I can only imagine how fulfilling it would be to walk into a classroom of catholic school girls masterbating and squirting semen all over the place. Hell Yea!

by PantlessWonder at March 3, 2005 1:46 PM

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