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chuck woolery

Hello, goodbye and thank you please

by chuck woolery at 05:58 PM on November 03, 2003

I have now been given the privilege of upgrading my status from long time lurker and occasional commenter to Author. This immense privilege being the result of a request to MG by myself a couple of weeks ago.

MG suggested that I try and write a semi-introductory type of 1st post so that those people (and I would guess that would be the majority) who havenít noticed those comments where I reveal portions of my life, would have a sense of who I am.

So in that vein, here goes. I am a Lawyer, and have been for 3 years now. Iíve spent the last year and a half working as a Prosecutor, and I will likely spend the next 20+ years as a Prosecutor. Itís definitely my chosen vocation / calling. Besides, Iíve done the defence lawyer thing, and I definitely prefer my current side of the fence.

Iím also Canadian, so those of you with spelling fetishes may note the odd ďmisspellingĒ or extra letter here and there. Canadian English varies from US English from place to place, so donít rag on me too much, Ok?

The cases I prosecute vary greatly, and often leave me with interesting stupid criminal stories, and I expect I will share them from time to time.

Last week I had the pleasure of prosecuting one of the stupidest criminals that I have seen in awhile. Letís call him Joe Schmo. Joe is a fellow who is on permanent social assistance (welfare), because he is ďslowĒ and incapable of holding down a job. Well, apparently he got tired of living on $855 a month and decided to take a little road trip.

His first stop was a local gas station a few miles from his home. He parked in front, entered, produced a knife, and demanded money and his brand of cigarettes. The clerk produced same, and let him on his way. The clerk then phoned the police and told them that he had been robbed by Joe Schmo (giving his actual name to the police). The clerk knew Joe, as Joe had shopped at the store for years.

Joe then continued down the Highway to the next town and robs another convenience store at knifepoint, (for money and his brand of cigarettes, again) and this time parked right outside the store, where the clerk saw his car, and, since he was nice enough to park nice and close, and at the right angle, the clerk wrote down his license plate and passed that onto the Police as well as a description.

Joe was arrested about a half hour later, with all of the stolen money and cigarettes in his car. He pled guilty to both robberies. I almost felt sorry for him, almost. He got 3 years. He probably would have gotten less, but he did essentially the same thing about 6 years ago, and got 2 years then. I would guess I might see him another 6 years, when heís forgotten what prison is like (again).

He was much more pleasant to deal with than the multitude of drug addicts I deal with from day to day. But more on those people later Ö

comments (18)

You're a lwayer? I didn't know that. It's interesting that of the two lawyers who've participated in BS over the years, both have chosen an icon picture where they are wearing shades. Almost like you don't want us all seeing into the soulless depths of your eyes or something.

by mg at November 3, 2003 6:18 PM


would he have gotten less time if he had used the old "banana in the pocket" technique? and if so, are there more aggressive false weapon brandishments than others? zagnut in the trousers? cap gun in the sock? just curious is all...

by lajoie at November 3, 2003 6:25 PM


Well how's this for a flurry of comments, Chuck. No need for comment envy, a term I believe you coined.

My parents ran a restaurant. A disgruntled former dishwasher donned a ski mask and tried to rob the joint. But he had this weird voice that always cracked so we all knew it was him and called him by name. Busted.

And no MG, he's on the good guy side like me.

by anna at November 3, 2003 6:29 PM


I'm surprised at the amount of people that rob places they know.

I'm dealing with another case where the fellow robbed a bottle depot that he used to work at. They recognized his voice too. Despite the mask...

by chuckwoolery at November 3, 2003 7:54 PM


What an exciting morning! Coming in to see Chuck & Lajoie have stepped out from behind the curtain.

Dude, I might just wet myself.

Dude. I just wet myself.

by Linz at November 4, 2003 9:24 AM


Oh boy!! We get to hear sordid tales of the Canadian legal system, eh? Yay, yay, yay, yay!!!

by Ezy at November 4, 2003 9:58 AM


It is nice to see new BadSam authors. Even with the excitement of it all, I managed to stay dry. Are Canadain winters especially dry? My skin doesn't like moisture-lacking air.

by MrBlank at November 4, 2003 12:39 PM


Nice to see some people commenting on this first post.


Sordid stories of the canadian legal system abound, I will limit the stories to ones I have personally dealt with.


Canadian winters vary greatly, depending on the part of the country. I live in the Praire portion, well removed from any ocean or other large body of water. Hence, the winters (and the summers for that matter) are very dry - humidty wise.

by chuckwoolery at November 4, 2003 1:11 PM


chuck, i forgot to welcome you...fellow rookie. this should be a hoot.

common rookie pranks we should watch out for include: hot foots, bubblegum on the ball caps, and most of all...pies in the face during post game interviews. no way i'm falling for that crap.

by lajoie at November 4, 2003 5:08 PM


Do they even do that pie in the face kind of stuff anymore? From my recollection, teams just don't do the pranks any more. Is it free agency? Is it language issues? Loss of innocence? Growing up I remember Roger McDowell, a Mets reliever, who did the common hot foots, etc, but was a little clever too, once showing up the dugout with his uniform on upside (pants on top, shirt on bottom). He also was famous for putting bleach in watergun and shooting at reports, and as "the spitter" in the Seinfeld JFK episode.

by mg at November 4, 2003 10:50 PM


At my HS they did the pie thing to teachers. It was all in fun but then the aluminum pie-holder thing damaged one of their corneas permanently. Oops.

by anna at November 5, 2003 7:58 AM


Hey MG, fear not... the Mets are still into pranks. It's just that they've updated their repetoire for the 00's. I mean, a pie in the face is soooo 80's. There was a game this year where Mike Piazza came out of the dugout wearing his shin guards but no pants! That was hilarious. And when Jose Reyes got called up from the minors, everyone on the team took turns ravaging his butt. Oh, those rookie pranks! I think the best prank of all was pulled off by Tom Glavine, who signed at $40 million dollar deal with the Mets and then proceeded to SUCK the entire year. Hahaha. Funny stuff.

by Eviltom at November 5, 2003 10:10 AM


Mike Piazza...is a gay.

by anna at November 5, 2003 6:59 PM


not to get obscure, but the pop band belle & sebastian have a lyric in a song that goes "mike piazza, new york catcher, are you straight or are you gay?..."

then again, the above band was described by a friend (much wiser than myself) as being "the kind of music that makes you gay", so...

by lajoie at November 5, 2003 7:39 PM


Did anyone ever see the Nickelodeon cartoon about the boy & his two dogs, that I can only guess that the band "Belle and Sebastian" is named after?

by Linz at November 6, 2003 9:54 AM


i never saw it linz, but i heard they're named after a cartoon.

by lajoie at November 6, 2003 11:55 AM


I used to think Lajo's shift button was disabled. But it does work as evidenced by the caps in his post. And he looks just like he sounds, with a CA surfer sort of vibe. Cool.

by anna at November 8, 2003 11:22 AM


i never use the shift button except on official company emails. the reason you see, and will see, caps on my posts is that ms word has a snazzy feature that just does it for you. alas, when i paste into the nethers of badsam to post...the capitals are already done for me! it's partly borne of laziness, but i also think the lines read as gentler when they maintain a more consistant height. so yeah, i guess i do like the way it looks. but it would be waaay too much work to manually override every capitalized word after a post was written. maybe i can find a button to shut it off...

by lajoie at November 8, 2003 10:20 PM



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