« The Jessica Lynch Rescue Mindfuck | Main | traditional dental scissors »
Faint praise is damning praise
by anna at 04:42 PM on November 09, 2003
So. If you read this, you must answer each question either true or false. No N/A allowed. Do these statements apply to you or not?
1) Who needs to douche?
2) The worst STD I’ve ever transmitted was a case of the crabs. Oh wait, is syphilis considered an STD?
3) I can always tell when my partners are faking orgasms. There are certain telltale signs you learn to spot after a while.
4) I absolutely did not lop off Nicole Brown Simpson’s head. That was O.J., dammit.
5) I'll only do anal with someone I know really, really well. I’ve known the first name of all my anal partners except one and I was plastered that time.
6) I would never steal painkillers from my dying dad unless I was really desperate, like jonesing.
7) Just because I attended every Lillith Fare, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m gay.
8) When I beat my SO senseless, I do it in such a way that the welts don’t show.
9) I haven’t abused any helpless elders...today.
10) I think I’m like, way smarter than George W. Bush. I’m certainly the better public speaker. Duh.
11) I’ve got principles. I will dance for no one.
12) I don’t fantasize about hoochie-coochie mama Charo (or Fabio) so much anymore.
13) I’m glad my ’hood is overrun with foreigners. Likewise, I’ve got nothing against mulattos.
14) It’s possible for one person to consume a 1.5 liter bottle of wine in an hour without peeing once. I would know.
15) Since I gave up Olestra, anal leakage is no longer a problem for me.
16) Nobody has ever caught me masturbating. I am so sneaky that way. Well, there was that one time but I’ve blotted that out of my memory. See #5, #6 and #14. (Rox, I hope you have too.)
17) I never forget a face I’ve slathered in my bodily fluids.
18) After I take a steamy dump, I don’t dote on the toilet contents for long. And I wipe pretty thoroughly. There's something to be said for that.
19) I don’t care for the taste of cum. Too salty.
20) I’m no stalker. Nosiree, no stalking for me. Really. I swear.
Coming Attraction: A Dead Serious Post from me about like, government policy or something.
comments (9)
so, are these like...autobiographical?
by lajoie at November 10, 2003 2:13 PM
I think we're getting a little look into Anna's world. Sweet!
by Ezy at November 10, 2003 3:16 PM
ezy, i agree with everything except the word "little".
by lajoie at November 10, 2003 4:40 PM
I might have snagged a Vicodin or two hundred but I know nothing about the taste of cum, other than what you can tell by how it smells.
by anna at November 10, 2003 7:09 PM
So you just gulp down the cum, is that right?
by Eviltom at November 10, 2003 8:30 PM
No I gulp down the Vicodin. Or at least I did until my doctor stamped "DRUG SEEKING BEHAVIOR NOTED" across my chart. And let me just say this to those who actually do swallow the stuff: It's a real buzz killer when you mention its flavor.
by anna at November 11, 2003 7:43 AM
1-20=true,which happens to be the name of my new son,incidentally.could be a tough handle to handle,now that i think about it.
by erectmonkey at November 11, 2003 11:40 AM
I think we've got a new pal in ErectMonkey. Stick around, we're real versatile. I swear.
by anna at November 11, 2003 7:08 PM
Sneaky. I know your sort.
#19's a trick question.
Isn't it, eh? Eh? Doesn't matter if i answer true or false.. because...
..well, it tastes like lemsip to me.
by Chicken Decapitator at November 13, 2003 12:01 AM