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Faint praise is damning praise

by anna at 04:42 PM on November 09, 2003

So. If you read this, you must answer each question either true or false. No N/A allowed. Do these statements apply to you or not?

1) Who needs to douche?
2) The worst STD Iíve ever transmitted was a case of the crabs. Oh wait, is syphilis considered an STD?
3) I can always tell when my partners are faking orgasms. There are certain telltale signs you learn to spot after a while.
4) I absolutely did not lop off Nicole Brown Simpsonís head. That was O.J., dammit.
5) I'll only do anal with someone I know really, really well. Iíve known the first name of all my anal partners except one and I was plastered that time.
6) I would never steal painkillers from my dying dad unless I was really desperate, like jonesing.
7) Just because I attended every Lillith Fare, it doesnít necessarily mean Iím gay.
8) When I beat my SO senseless, I do it in such a way that the welts donít show.
9) I havenít abused any helpless elders...today.
10) I think Iím like, way smarter than George W. Bush. Iím certainly the better public speaker. Duh.
11) Iíve got principles. I will dance for no one.
12) I donít fantasize about hoochie-coochie mama Charo (or Fabio) so much anymore.
13) Iím glad my íhood is overrun with foreigners. Likewise, Iíve got nothing against mulattos.
14) Itís possible for one person to consume a 1.5 liter bottle of wine in an hour without peeing once. I would know.
15) Since I gave up Olestra, anal leakage is no longer a problem for me.
16) Nobody has ever caught me masturbating. I am so sneaky that way. Well, there was that one time but Iíve blotted that out of my memory. See #5, #6 and #14. (Rox, I hope you have too.)
17) I never forget a face Iíve slathered in my bodily fluids.
18) After I take a steamy dump, I donít dote on the toilet contents for long. And I wipe pretty thoroughly. There's something to be said for that.
19) I donít care for the taste of cum. Too salty.
20) Iím no stalker. Nosiree, no stalking for me. Really. I swear.

Coming Attraction: A Dead Serious Post from me about like, government policy or something.

comments (9)

so, are these like...autobiographical?

by lajoie at November 10, 2003 2:13 PM

I think we're getting a little look into Anna's world. Sweet!

by Ezy at November 10, 2003 3:16 PM

ezy, i agree with everything except the word "little".

by lajoie at November 10, 2003 4:40 PM

I might have snagged a Vicodin or two hundred but I know nothing about the taste of cum, other than what you can tell by how it smells.

by anna at November 10, 2003 7:09 PM

So you just gulp down the cum, is that right?

by Eviltom at November 10, 2003 8:30 PM

No I gulp down the Vicodin. Or at least I did until my doctor stamped "DRUG SEEKING BEHAVIOR NOTED" across my chart. And let me just say this to those who actually do swallow the stuff: It's a real buzz killer when you mention its flavor.

by anna at November 11, 2003 7:43 AM

1-20=true,which happens to be the name of my new son,incidentally.could be a tough handle to handle,now that i think about it.

by erectmonkey at November 11, 2003 11:40 AM

I think we've got a new pal in ErectMonkey. Stick around, we're real versatile. I swear.

by anna at November 11, 2003 7:08 PM

Sneaky. I know your sort.

#19's a trick question.

Isn't it, eh? Eh? Doesn't matter if i answer true or false.. because...

..well, it tastes like lemsip to me.

by Chicken Decapitator at November 13, 2003 12:01 AM

comments are closed