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never thought i'd see you naked : arnold schwarzenegger (california recall edition)

by mg at 09:34 AM on October 08, 2003

Please don’t use this site as your primary source of news, but, as you may have just woken up (like I have), you may not have heard that Arnold Swartzen…, Schwarts…, the guy who starred in the Terminator movies, is now the governor of Caulifornia.

This, and the fact that both the Red Sox and Cubs are still playing baseball are surely signs that the end times are nigh. Still, if Arnold’s campaign and the thrilling play of the baseball post-season are any indication, at least the end will be entertaining. There must be a fifth horseman of the apocalypse, and his name is "Ratings Gold!"

But, this isn’t about end times or baseball, but about the star of End of Days and a bat and pair of balls of a completely different nature.

The nation, based on press coverage, and Caulifornians, who turned out in higher numbers on the question of recalling Davis than had shown up to put him in office in the first place, love Arnold. Which is strange considering that more people showed up for the recall than showed for Terminator 3, Collateral Damage, and The Sixth Day combined.

The nation's unquestioning love of Arnold is why, though my spies stumbled across Arnold’s smallest, but dirtiest little secret way back in August, I waited until after the election to bring it out into the light of day, that bare fluorescent bulb in your parents basement, or whatever the lighting situation might be where you are viewing this site right now. I may be a lot of things, but I’m no muckraker.

Forget about Nazism, or grabassing production assistants in elevators; Arnold’s dirtiest secret is that this Austrian-born actor sure
doesn’t have an Alps in his pants
. Arnold is a very popular, yet, as 20 Fingers so aptly put it way back in the 90s, we “don’t want no short dick man,” and I didn’t want his lack of… experience, to influence voter opinion.

Which means now that Arnold’s filling out a change of address form for his new digs in Saucremento, it is okay to expose the pictures, and his tiny little wee wee. I guess you have to give the guy credit, he owned up to doing “bad things”, and seems, in this picture, very comfortable exposing his own “Gary Coleman.” You have to give it to a guy with those kinds of hidden secrets putting himself out there for public exposure like that.

But, I will give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Arnold did take a lot of steroids back in his bodybuilding days, and we’ve all heard about the berry shrinking effects of ‘roids. Plus, Arnold played Mr. Freeze in the forgettable Batman and Robin, which also brings to mind the possibility of shrinkage. There may be many explanations for his tiny ding-dong.

Whatever the situation, he must be one confident mofo to go around posing naked and gangbanging black chicks in weight rooms. Which, in my book, is the only real necessary qualification for governorship. The confidence part, not the gangbanging.

comments (15)

He doesnt look that small to me. Maybe hes a grower and not a shower. Its not really fair to judge a guys size unless hes sporting a hard-on.

by at October 8, 2003 11:13 AM

Its sad that star-power can make you invincible in politics. The news says that California is a reflection of the rest of the country and that the same thing will happen in other states. Maybe so, but there might also be an earthquake that causes California to sink into the ocean preventing the apocalypse, or at least delaying it.

(P.S. The first comment was by me.)

by MrBlank at October 8, 2003 11:21 AM

Well to me it does look small, but there's nothing else but his gargantuan bod in the pix to compare it with. Maybe back when he was a scrawny wimp getting sand kicked in his face at the beach it seemed bigger. Oh wait, Austria is landlocked.

Great post, MG.

by anna at October 8, 2003 12:04 PM

who's the bodybuilder with the skinny wang?

i thought you were going to show pics of arnold schwartzennegger. you know, the older guy with the receding reagan-cut, the loosening skin, the stinky pinky. where's that guy?

by lajoie at October 8, 2003 12:14 PM

The only way I could get naked pictures of that guy is if I could pass myself off as an anorexic news anchor.

by mg at October 8, 2003 1:08 PM

blow a kennedy, and you're in.

i'd stay away from ted though. he's got a bit of the red nose in him. his cock probably tastes like seagrams. wait, maybe that's good.

by lajoie at October 8, 2003 1:24 PM

I second the "grower, not a shower" comment, since I'm one of them. Grower, not shower, that is.

More information then you all needed to know, I'm sure. :)

(PS mg - thanks for the naken men on BadSam!) ;)

by snaggle at October 8, 2003 3:21 PM

yeah, just look at those puny muscles. Sheesh. Who are you guys kidding? His flaccid penis is half the length of his inner forearm. A grower getting out of cold water can increase in size by 500% upon stimuli. If he is a grower with a teeny weeny he'd be more than a foot long when Maria strikes.

by Chris at October 9, 2003 2:00 AM

Grower/shower! My idiomatic vocabulary has just expanded! It's a good day, after all.

by jean at October 9, 2003 2:32 AM

I live in ca. I cant believe our governor is spawning a "grower/shower" conversation. . .I'm going to go pack my bags.

by jenny at October 9, 2003 12:33 PM

Now that Ah-nold is older, would he be a "slower grower?" And could anyone really picture him blowing Maria or any other Kennedy-Shriver?

by anna at October 10, 2003 6:41 AM

www.tradesports.com has implemented my Israeli/Plo spread bet... it's under Current Events Exchange. The bet is whether the Palestians will have a state by 2005 Jan. So far, very low bids, inside market it 14-20, buy 1 contract at 20, at $10 per contract, and if they do get a state, that's $8.00 profit, because the scale is 1-100. oh boy, lockheed just loves the freemarkets...

by lockheed at October 10, 2003 8:20 PM

Cool deal, Lock. Not even William Hill has anything on that, last I looked. Good luck!

by jean at October 17, 2003 4:10 AM

Am I the only one who thinks it strange that an Austrian European man has a circumcised cock? European males (except Jewish) are not traditionally circumcised, and his cock in this pic definitely appears to be cut.

by Will at January 21, 2006 11:47 PM

Will...You obviously have not been to any european country. While it is common for european males to not be circumcised, in the public eye a circumcised cock is considered "normal" or even beautiful. 80% of weight lifters in Italy are circumcised while only 5% of Italians are circumcised. The reason is because weight lifters want their whole body to be beautiful and don't want to have a freakish looking un-circumcised cock.

by max at October 25, 2008 8:28 PM

comments are closed