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Just Numbers

by snaggle at 10:46 AM on June 27, 2003

I have yet to embark upon my cross-country odyssey, mostly due to projects creeping up at work. Creeping, or suddenly running into my office to beat me bloody with baseball bats. God I hate clients.

So therefore, I have no excuse for not posting lately to keep you abreast of events in my life. (Heh, heh, I just said “breast.”) But I hope you can absolve me of any wrongdoing, since there has really been quite little for me to share with the world.

I do have one thing of note, however. Last week I turned 23. Yes, 23, the most insignificant birthday since 22, was upon me after months of apprehension. Any of you who’ve been around here for a while know my tendencies towards birthdays. This year, however, it was relatively depression-free. I took it all well and enjoyed myself. I imbibed a fair amount at the Garden last Saturday, yet I remained in control and didn’t black out or do anything incredibly embarrassing, which I can’t say the same for other birthdays.

I have to say birthdays are one of the best ideas humanity has ever produced. I, for one, hold birthdays as a sacred event, a cornerstone of a person’s life. It is a day when a person must not be crossed for any reason. If it’s a person’s birthday, they are entitled to just about anything, in my book. And in compensation for the increasing numbers that make you remember that the ache in your back isn’t just from sitting wrong, the span of “birthday privileges” increases as you get older. From about 18 until 35, I think you get three days, or long enough for a normal weekend and such. 35-45 you get 5 days of everyone bending to your will. From 45 until 55, it’s two weeks. After 55, it gets a little longer. 55 to 70 is a whole month, I think, and after 70, well hell, you just get the whole year (as anyone with grandparents can attest.) Now if only there were a way to have multiple birthdays in a year without getting older...

In other news, the US Supreme Court (or SCOTUS, as the press has taken to calling it) smashed down an archaic law on the Texas rulebooks forbidding “sodomy” (I hate that word.) Consenting adults are now free to engage in whatever acts they desire within the privacy of their bedrooms without worrying about a Gestapo-like seizure. Quite a milestone, I say. Finally the Supreme Court is proving that religious morals and law, though long bedpartners, are different entities altogether. Combine that with a Canadian ruling to allow gay marriage and I’d say the world is in a pretty decent shape.

In honor of the SCOTUS ruling, I hereby declare July “Worldwide Sodomy Month.” How’s this for a slogan: "Sodo-Me, Sodo-You, Sodo-Everybody!"

comments (7)

I was psyched to hear about Canada. Hopefully we won't be far behind!

Is that story saying Alabama, Florida, Idaho, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Utah and Virginia don't allow anal and oral sex, period? It amazes me that these laws still exist, for any subset of the population! I guess sometimes I forget how backwards we still are.

by Linz at June 27, 2003 2:39 PM

It's not that we are backwards, it's just that no one in state government feels the need to change old laws that aren't enforced. There are more important things to do.

As for the gay marriage stuff, I don't think the government should have anything to do with marriage PERIOD. That goes for gay and straight. Marriage is a pact between two people and none of the government's business.

by MrBlank at June 27, 2003 4:21 PM

I don't know why this uplifting decision is being framed strictly in gay terms, as almost everyone gives and gets oral. Anal too.

As for gay marriage, Vermont has its "civil unions" for gay people. But from what I've read, they didn't anticipate the influx of gays seeking unions. How could they not have known that?

by anna at June 27, 2003 6:43 PM

What are the tax implications? Do you think they have to pay more in taxes as a joint return now? Maybe that's why they did it. But then again, no. And then again, I'm glad that people could feel less constricted and walk around freely as long as they don't hurt anybody and mind their own business.

by LOCKHEED at June 29, 2003 8:48 PM

Damn! If the oral or anal police decide to come around I'm going to jail. I wonder what they'd think of an oral, anal, oiled down twister playing combination that ends with a little bondage? That'll probably get you life. Virginia pisses me off sometimes. Jerry Fucking Falwell.

by Ezy at July 1, 2003 9:39 AM

Um, can I sign up for that twister game?


by snaggle at July 1, 2003 11:31 AM

All are welcome Snaggle my man ;-)

by Ezy at July 1, 2003 12:33 PM

comments are closed