Last night I went to the midnight showing of "The Goonies" in Omaha at this hipster theater that shows art films during the week and something old, fun, cool, whatever at midnights on Fridays and Saturdays for the raucous crowd. This movie, whatever it is, is usually going to be filled with good riffing and yelling at the screen expecially if it is a fun old piece of crap like "The Goonies."
So there I was at 12:10 a.m. watching the trailer for "Changing Lanes" for the second time right after the usual promo for popcorn with butter that always runs backwards to shouts of "Yes, Oh Dark Lord, we shall do your bidding!" when this douchebag in front of me tells me to shut up. The theater is packed with people yelling at the screen Rocky Horror style or just drunken reveller styler and this little punk bastard turns around and tells me to be quiet.
So I told him to lighten up and gave the bill of his hat a little flick with my finger and the southpaw cocksucker hits me right in the eye! So I bitch slapped him open palmed right in the side of the head.
So what does this little fucknut do? He goes and gets an usher! I couldnt even freaking believe this shit. I go to this movie pretty regularly when it doesn't suck or isn't three hours long and I always get there a half hour before the show and talk to the guys selling the popcorn about the movie because they picked them and I like to be sociable. So the usher comes up to me and tells me I don't have to leave, just be cool and I'm all like, this little fucker tells me to shut up and hits me he's the one who needs a lesson on how to keep cool.
Needless to say, the little pussy was not happy that I wasn't asked to leave the theater especially since I then spent the better part of the next two hours pointing my comments at him. At one point the crowd had been lowd and just as they quieted down I said in my best nasal drone, "excuse me could you people please keep it down or I shall be forced to get the usher." When Andy tells Mikey he will grow up to be quite a kisser I said, "And then Mikey grew up to be the best male prostitute in Omaha... right after this guy."
Oh for fun. I haven't been in anything close to a fight for years, but there is something so satisfying about smacking a dude right in front of his girlfriend (did I mention that he was there with four other people including his woman?) when he so clearly deserves it and getting away scot free that just makes my weekend.
That and the Associated Press is all hot on a story I did this weekend about a letter mailed in 1968 that just arrived (http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=8477217&BRD=2554&PAG=461&dept_id=507134&rfi=6).
The irony is the fact that you keep calling him little, yet spend the next 2 hours of the movie getting revenge on him, like a child would.
by Random at June 23, 2003 5:44 AM
He actually 'hit' you? Closed fist? I know avoiding petty lawsuits is paramount these days, but you should have at least 'slapped' him TEN times. Remember that post about REVENGE? For proper justice, it must be exacted more than 100%? Because you weren't the sucker who initated the shit situation?
by LOCKHEED at June 23, 2003 3:23 PM
Yeah, technically that's not ironic. The "little" fucker was actually taller than me, "little" is just a good derogatory term. As for my behavior, I guess I just enjoy the finer things in life like crushing my enemies, riding their horses, hearing the lamentation of their women and calling a pussy a pussy.
Lockheed, you are wise. I felt pretty much vindicated though because my bitch slap was merely a fraction of my awesome power. so stunned was he that I hit him so quickly and with such force from my open hand that he nearly shit himself running out to get the usher. Now I'm gonna go home and punch the munchkin thinking about how sexy i looked beating on that asshole. I should have taken my shirt off and asked him if he wanted a piece of "this"? Then made his girlfriend hold my shirt.
by eff at June 23, 2003 6:19 PM
Physical violence is something most guys talk about incessantly but rarely do. Myself I've actually struck a person maybe 3-4 times in 44 years. One of those got me accused of murder so I tend to refrain whenever possible without losing face.
by anna at June 25, 2003 5:45 PM
yeah... i think you need to tell THAT STORY on the front page, dude, pronto!
by eff at June 26, 2003 9:12 AM