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Dream on

by anna at 07:37 PM on June 03, 2003

You hear much talk about globalization these days---hey, come back here! Leftists even call for a one-world government. Others scoff at these utopian notions. I daresay they laugh too soon.

Oh it's coming. The omens are unmistakable. The US props up its puppet regime in Afghanistan while occupying Iraq. Once we overrun Iran a wide swath of southeast Asia will be under our control. The countries of Europe put aside their longstanding differences to form EU. A World Court in The Hague issues warrants and its cops abduct citizens of once sovereign nations to stand trial.

This United States of Earth will need a government. George W. Bush is a shoo-in for Emperor, just as Tony Blair will surely be named Vice Emperor. Each former nation will send a delegate to the USE equivalent of our House of Representatives or Britain's House of Commons. But today's configuration of 193 separate nation-states won't do. We need to winnow the list down to 100 or so. To this end Trinidad and Tobago can be combined. They already send a single team to the Olympics. Same goes for the Dominican Republic and Haiti, which share a tiny island. We don't need all those 'Stans in central Asia. Nor is there any need for separate Koreas. Syria, Lebanon, Jordan and Saudi Arabia can be merged into Greater Arabia. EU gets one vote. Call it global redistricting.

Modeled after the UN Security Council, the world's major players would form a Senate-like body. Up-and-coming nuclear power India would replace France while Australia would supplant Germany. Why? Aussies'll bring plenty of cold beer, mate. We don't need to worry about creating a judicial system cuz it's already operational.

USE will require a common language. Since it's already spoken throughout Spain, South American, Mexico, Florida, Texas and SoCal, Spanish seems a natural fit. Plus it's easy to learn.

The airline industry is in dire straights. But my plan will remedy that. With all immigration and tourism restrictions lifted, global travel will burgeon. France can provide its speedy SSTs to replace our aging fleet and Israel can handle security. Likewise, our woeful health care system will improve. Patients will gain access to a variety of specialists to include trepanation providers, witch doctors, shamans, faith healers, aroma therapy and any joker with a chicken bone and a bandana.

Of course USE will face major hurdles. We'll be grappling with the slavery issue anew. 250,000 people are currently in one form of bondage or another. Their owners are unlikely to give them up without an epic battle. And with all that globe-hopping, communicable diseases are bound to pose a big problem. SARS won't remain confined to China. We'll all be forced to wear those ridiculous looking masks. As Africans fan out in search of food, shelter and uninfected prostitutes, AIDS will spread like wildfire. It's estimated that 25% of African adults are HIV-positive. In hard-hit areas life expectancy has been slashed in half. Look for similar numbers across USE.

Then there's that thorny bone of contention, religion. Given that one in six people subscribe to Islam, it seems a natural fit for a universal faith. This would entail giving up alcohol, but that vice could be replaced by opium or hashish. Also, guys are likely to go for harems. No need for risky nooners anymore. Meet someone that strikes your fancy, marry 'em.

The main stumbling block is that which proved the ruin of communism. People tend to put their own self-interest ahead of the common good. They balk at sharing. And considering that the US income level is 29 times that of the least developed nations, this spells real trouble. Ingrained Western habits like living indoors, bearing children and bathing regularly are liable to die hard.

But in the long run mankind will be far better off. Those obscene disparities and income and lifestyles will narrow. Nationalistic pride, xenophobia and ethnic rivalries will dissipate. Justice will reign for all. The world will be as one.

This is going to suck.

comments (13)

Globalization basically means free trade everywhere, especially in places where they have no clue how to do it, and have no incentive to work for their food, places where the Seed of Ambition was never planted. 24hrs a day, bid/ask, buy/sell, and free reign to fuck with any country's central banking system regardless of the consequence, sending their currency to zero in one second flat, causing the ultimate breech in the social contract between goverment and citizens, get your shotguns and ammo while you can, globalization ironically is going to mean the creation of a million new nations, I mean every family to itself, make your own family flag, defend your own green lawn, protect the ones who love you and the ones you love. Thereupon things will be reduced to the old Barter System, two hotdogs for eight spools of yarn. One Rocky Road Dazzler for three Mcdonald's Mcflurry's. It's going to be the final epic battle between socialism and capitalism(and I won't be there, thank fuck), China will probably win and blow loud the muted horn of Marx, only because it will be using capitalist measures(know thy enemy), and if I have one act of brute force crime against me or my brethren I will exact the most dire of vengeances. A riot comes to Lockheed's door, and he will send Rodney King's lazy ass, heck, I'll trade 10 Rodney Kings for one hard working Mexican. The Value of the Mexican has gone up threefold! Anyone want to take the other side of this bet? And in closing, this is a Zero Sum Earth and I'm no angel, no, I'm no stranger to the street... so I won't crumble at your feet.

by LOCKHEED at June 3, 2003 9:51 PM

huhhuhuhuh...you said "up and coming" huhuhuhuh.

by Butthead at June 4, 2003 9:52 AM

Anna, it is not estimated that 25% of Africans have AIDS. The number is less than 10% (according to UNAIDS, as of December 2002). A handful of the worst-hit countries in Subsaharan Africa have percentages in the 30s.

by Linz at June 4, 2003 6:00 PM

Not to be a shit or anything.

by Linz at June 4, 2003 6:01 PM

I guess it depends who you ask. I had a link to www.afronets.org/archive/200004/msg00042.php where I got that figure. I didn't use it cuz it's kind of hard to type. It does say that 25% of African adults are HIV-positive which is very different from having AIDS, obviously.

The bigger point is that judging by the tepid response, this post must have sucked. Same goes for most of my recent output. So I am going to lurk a while and maybe learn something.

by anna at June 4, 2003 8:29 PM

I love the post! I am a geography/civics teacher, and in fact you may have inspired a lesson for my students-to describe what a United States of Earth would be like and discuss pros and cons. Just a side note, from what I read, the site you referenced said in SOME African countries 25% of all adults are infected, not Africa the continent.

by Shannon at June 4, 2003 8:54 PM

A resounding smack. Globalization will destroy the gene pool. It's the end. WHEN MANKIND truly UNITES, thereupon PROCREATION will come to halt and we will have achieved true peace, and thereupon EXTINCTION.

I make efforts to crowd into the middle of the subways, dumb hispanic was swaying his headphone arms to Gerardo(Rico Suave) wouldn't move in to the car until I stepped up, fucking jam 50heads in a Honda Civic and this fuck thinks he's Vicente Fox.... HEy pal, I got me a Chrysler it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail... got me a car it sits about twenty...

by COKEHEED at June 4, 2003 9:31 PM

Extinction? Man, that's pretty extreme. Yet there is a group you can check out on the Web. It's called, I kid you not, the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. You read their propaganda and never really know if it's serious or not. And once again, thanks for the props Shannon.

by anna at June 5, 2003 7:45 AM

God bless America you commie dogs.

by Joseph at June 5, 2003 8:55 AM

I look forward to the day when life, liberty, and the pursuit of tail will be traded on the NYSE. I also look forward to becoming very, very wealthy, thereby insuring my right to freedom from the poor, dirty, and downtrodden.

Anyone read SnowCrash? I can't wait for the floating masses to come ashore.

A chick in the elevator this morning was shocked to see that I was driving my "big" suburban today.

"Is that from the 70's or 80'?"
Well, actually, it's a 91.
"I didn't think they made cars that big in the 90's".

All this coming from some chick who carpooled to work with her boyfriend in a Honda. How fucking cute. Yes, they do make big ass cars and trucks today. Yes, they do consume a disproportionate amount of resources, and yes, if you want a new Maybach or a couple of Excursions in your driveway, you have to earn above the poverty line. But I don't hear anyone fucking crying about all the gangstas in their fucking Escalades sitting on 24's that cost as much as my house. At least my ugly rig can drive over a curb, trail, tree, squirrel, without fear of damaging a rim and tire worth more than most people make annually in the Guatemala. I also enjoy the fact that I park that pig right in front of the organization I work for, which among other things, handles air pollution issues.

So I guess I should learn Spanish.

Anna, I had no idea almost 1/4 million folks are into bondage.

by Joseph at June 5, 2003 9:18 AM

alright, totally off topic, but mAnna, do you still have the 'stache you sport in your picture? if so, how long have you had it? i've been growing one as a joke, and it's totally fucking annoying!!! how do you put up with it?

by JC at June 5, 2003 12:40 PM

Much agreed, Joseph. Those Hummer limousines I guess are 'hip' because they are 'gangsta', and people of gangsta origin are Necessarily Oppressed so they Deserve Everything without working for it too, and being so lowly is just so romantic these days. And somehow, 'poverty' automatically equates to 'honorable', while working your ass off, and denying yourself many simpleton pleasures in order to make a secure income for your loved ones and yourself in a competitive society, well that somehow makes you 'Evil' these days. Oh, you have so much 'integrity' because you are poor, and that immediately means it's NOT your Fault, but it's because you are Oppressed. FUCK THAT. YOU ARE OPPRESSED by your laziness, your lack of Integrity, and zero work ethic. I've been working my ass off, denying myself joy, and I ain't got nothing to show for it yet. I don't care for materialism, but I do get upset about Wasted Effort, and then the dumbucks who lump me in with, ooh, bond trader means 'bad' person, ooh, if he doesn't live in Harlem, he's bad. My folks were fucking immigrants from the third world you fucking cunts, and I hate the idealists who go out of their way to present themselves as so humanity/environmentally conscious, oh, cheers, they should all win a Nobel Peace Prize. Who drives human progress? those with integrity, not bandwagon hippyfucks.

Fucking sallies.

by LOCKHEED at June 5, 2003 4:45 PM

Well things took an odd turn here. Let me chip in my 2 cents. I drive a tiny Geo Metro. Once in a while my wife lets me drive her big ol' SUV. I feel like I get more respect from other drivers in the big rig.

The slavery thing is one of my pet issues cuz I can't even believe that is still going on. Check it out @ www.iss.co.za/Pubs/ASR/12No1/EFitz.html.

And yeah I still sport the moustache. I tried to shave it off but my wife said I looked ridiculous without it.

by anna at June 5, 2003 6:17 PM

comments are closed