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And I'm never going back to my old school

by anna at 10:57 AM on June 01, 2003

My friend Roger and I attended high school, junior college and a university together. We flourished at the first two levels, but never quite fit in at Va Tech.

I blame him. You may recall how his favorite icebreaker was, "So, do you still have that picture of my dick and balls on your nightstand?" Surprisingly it worked pretty well at times. He never wanted for wanton women.

At one point he tried out for the football team. As a walk-on, he floored everyone by beating out the scholarship athletes for the starting position of runing back. Then he quit, saying he just wanted to prove it could be done. Another time he sucker-punched a frat boy just to see how his brothers might react (not well, I'm afraid.) He'd gulp down a handful of mushrooms and peer into first-floor apartments, which had to be a bit disconcerting to residents. But overall, he was a relatively harmless enigma.

We used to crash these raucous frat parties. Inevitably Nick Carter's Wanna Shout would come on, prompting everyone to crowd the dance floor. They'd thrust their arms skyward in unison. Then they'd do this limbo number and wind up writhing on the ground like gators. Roger and I would look on with detached amusement. Not once did we consider joining in the forced frivolity. We were outcasts alright, but we felt smugly superior nonetheless. Nothing looks more ridiculous than a bunch of morons gator-dancing.

The only interaction we ever had with that blissful set was hustling them at pool. This is hardly the way to go about ingratiating yourself to others. Consequently we spent most of our time holed up in our apartment alone.

I'd bet latter-day frat rats and sorority babes are still boogying to Wanna Shout. These bland, clean-cut folk are a unique and timeless segment of society. In the 50s they felt as though Joe McCarthy got railroaded. In the 60s they skipped peace rallies in favor of pep rallies. They preferred The Sonny and Cher Show to The Twilight Zone, Herman's Hermits to Jefferson Airplane. They didn't attend Woodstock. Richard Nixon dubbed them the Silent Majority.

In Generation X, their progeny must stick out like sore thumbs. They haven't launched their own websites. They aren't all ironic and self-referential. Globalization means nothing to them. In their minds the term "money" connotes currency. They wouldn't know The Osbornes from Ozzie and Harriet. They are the 3 million saps who actually bought Kelly Clarkson's insipid album. Hell, they might even admit to having had a favorite in the American Idol reprise.

They form the bedrock of our culture, such as it is.

Yet through the years NYC/LA's media has consistently ignored these hinterland yahoos in its insatiable quest for the newest fad or trend. And it makes me wanna shout, cuz we need more dependable constants like them and less inscrutable, aloof Rogers & mes.

comments (5)

Been a while since a post attracted that dreaded zero comments. I blame Roger for that too. Unless you knew the guy, he'd certainly sound like a consummate a-hole.

MG, where are you?

by anna at June 2, 2003 6:34 PM

Been a while since a post attracted that dreaded zero comments. I blame Roger for that too. Unless you knew the guy, he'd certainly sound like a consummate a-hole.

MG, where are you?

by anna at June 2, 2003 6:34 PM

I'm surprised because this was actually a pleasurable post to read. Although it was hard to follow the conclusion, wasn't sure who or what you were refering too in the end. Gator Dancing? What the fuck was that? Being Asian American, I'm simply not allowed to dance(or openly show such carnal emotions). So Gator Dancing is like doing the YMCA? Or finding chimpanzees dressed up in sunglasses, or drinking beer, or with lipstick on funny? Or finding Old people swearing or singing rap funny? That's not funny. Tim allen isn't funny. Nor is Sinbad. Um. I could hear humphrey bogart right now saying something like, "they were gator dancing in the dim lights, and there she was..."

by LOCKHEED at June 2, 2003 10:43 PM

Anna, gonna laden this lunpopular post with a HI-JACKING:

If any BadSemite(preferably NYC located) can find and take a picture of an Antique Monkey dressed in colonial style clothing, it has creepy long legs, and is sitting on top of a burea and can be seen in the back of the store through the main window, (it's on Amsterdam along the Upperwestside, but you have to find it in a scavenger hunt way, and either post it on this site or email it to me, I will pay $10.00 for the picture because I'm too scared to go near the store, the monkey is always watching me, and I saw it MOVE! It moves only after the sun goes down and its sccaaaarrry). It's very creepy but probably way too expensive for me to purchase. Perhaps we can all chip in and buy it. It's in MORE and MORE ANTIQUES shop somewhere between 77th and 82nd and Amsterdam. That's it. I'm gonna have nightmares because i know it followed me home to 71st and it's waiting for me to fall asleep, it's intelligent and I'm gonna sleep with a crowbar.

by Lockheed at June 2, 2003 10:51 PM

Lock, it's a traditional frathouse folk dance. It's done to Wanna Shout and entails writhing around on the floor like gators. As for the Asian-American reference, that's funny too. My son and I play FIFA soccer on his PS-2. Sometimes we play as Koreans and it looks odd to see them celebrating and getting all exuberant about a goal. They rock.

by anna at June 3, 2003 7:55 AM

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