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Hot dogs ... they're what's for dinner

by effenheimer at 05:51 PM on May 16, 2003

So there I was sitting at my desk trying to think of a column topic when it was announced that a public barbecue was being held across the street in the park. Steak sandwiches and burgers. "Do they have hot dogs?" I inquired.
"Who above the age of 4 eats hotdogs?" ask one of our paginators.
"What the fuck are you talking about," I replied with a question of my own. "Hot dogs rock you filthy whore."
"Yeah right," she said. To that, I had nothing to say.
Suffice it to say, hot dogs are the perfect food. I like mine in the old working class fashion, wrapped in a slice of bread. Some people find this declasse. I figure eating a hot dog is declasse to begin with and most buns suck ass. Oh sure, you can get good ones, but they are often way too much bread and too damn expensive. No, for my money, give me a nice slice of multi-grain or potato Healthy Choice, somethine with oats in in it that I can pile tomatoes, cheese, relish, mustard and onions onto it and not have the bun split which just pisses me off no end.

While the beef industry would have us believe that cow flesh is whatís for dinner, anyone with a microwave and a loaf of bread knows that for a quick, delicious protein supplement, nothing beats a weiner. Now, Iím not talking about those disgusting, soft turkey franks that look and taste like Play Dough, Iím talking about quality pork and beef dogs like Wimmerís or Hebrew Nationals. Dress it up with a bit of mustard or go all Chicago on that dog with lettuce, tomato, gherkins, hot peppers and celery salt. Boiled, nuked, grilled or fried, hot dogs are not just for kids. Anyone who hates hot dogs is probably a communist.

Hot dogs, not just perfect ... patriotic.

comments (17)

"...for a quick delicious protein supplement, nothing beats a weiner." My girlfriend said something like that once, boy was I in agreement.

by chris at May 16, 2003 8:21 PM

Before my stint as a vegetarian, I enjoyed hot dogs. The weird thing is, don't they always make you feel sick afterward? Anyway, I'm still not eating beef, but I found this great turkey sausages that I currently love more than life.

by mg at May 16, 2003 9:03 PM

You're going to put a HOT DOG on MULTI GRAIN BREAD? ROFL. Does the multi grain bread balance out the hot dog for nutritional value?

I love hot dogs, but don't try to dress them up. Put them on a plain ol hot dog bun and slather 'em with mustard, ketchup and mayonaise.

Putting them on that kind of bread is like getting diet coke when you order a big mac. What's the point? The vessel has to have the same low nutritional value as the meat bomb. It's a rule.

It's not just a nutrition thing, either. Hell, I like potted meat too (which is really just a ground up version of the same stuff hot dogs are made of), but it would never be right on fancy bread. The flavor would just be - off. It just aint right man.....it aint right.

by Tom at May 17, 2003 7:14 AM

Love those Hebrew Nationals but they are too long for the bun. I always feel like Nigel in Spinal Tap, bitching about the miniature bread. "And then you fold the meat, but then it's.... this, and I don't want this. I want full sized bread!"

by Anna at May 17, 2003 8:29 AM

Yeah right," she said. To that, I had nothing to say.

That is the ultimate in reality. You claim that hot dogs rock, filth whore, etc. And the women is either not interested in debating, or just such a drone, the type,(that in itself is horrific, being a 'type'), well the type of person who said, "no suh!" in days forgotten. So all she could muster is a Kneejerk response, yeah right. Instead of at the very least, at the very sorry least respond: "hotdogs filled with rocks break your teeth, cockmeister."

by LOCKHEED at May 17, 2003 1:46 PM

Mayonaisse? I am not mayo virgin, in fact, i love my fries in mayo, but a hot dog? That's like drowing the greasy taste of grease with grease. Hot dogs, even the best ones, are such little fat bombs they are best with really fresh things like relish and onions, tomato and mustard. I like bavarian kraut on mine too, that sweet caraway seed stuff. yum.

A good dog deserves good bread. I'm paying 7 bucks for a pack of Wimmers, I don't want some cheap ass white bread fucking things up. Make mine wheat, whole wheat. Sourdough or cottage bread. I like the slices because they are softer. Too many buns are either weak or too crusty for the meat. You bite into that stuff and the hotdog goes flying, you can't taste any of it.

by eff at May 17, 2003 7:02 PM

I go for grilled bratworsts, with mayo. mmmmm ...

by MrBlank at May 18, 2003 2:02 AM

They have a great Chicago-style veggie-dog at Dog Eat Dog in town, but when i'm at home, i prefer my Boca brats.

by Leaffin at May 18, 2003 2:55 AM

I'm a veggie too, but I really miss and crave hotdogs. MG, I am very suprised that you are (were?) a veggie- I thought republicans outlawed that. I really haven't found a decent substitute-Worthington's Leanies, when boiled just right come the closest.

by Shannon at May 19, 2003 11:08 AM

Are Wimmer's Weiners a Midwest thing? Anybody had those? My grandmother also used to make her own. nothing tastes quite so good as a sausage made from a pig you raised yourself. The same is true of steaks. I spent one whole summer chasing these damn cows my mom had. every other day they'd get out of the pasture because some yahoo went hiking and climbed over the barbed wire fence loosening it up enough that the cows could jump it (not without getting their teats caught occasionally though). Big Red and Little Red we called them. Or my mother called them that. I called them Big Juicy and Little Juicy. Now that's a burger. YOU AINT GOIN NOWHERE NOW COW! EXCEPT THROUGH MY BOWELS!

by eff at May 19, 2003 6:58 PM


by polaski at October 26, 2003 11:13 PM

I grew up in Yankton S.D. on Wimmers Weiners! They are the best! Whenever I get back home for a visit I stock up the cooler. Does anyone know if Wimmers has a website you can order them off of....I live in Colorado now and I sure do miss them!!!!! If you have a website for them... please email it to me!! samdt5@aol.com

by Kim at November 16, 2003 2:43 PM

yeah Wimmer's is a midwest thing. They have one plant in tiny West Point, Nebraska.. I just got a job working there.. Havn't started yet though.. just had the interview a couple days ago.

Yes, Wimmer's are a high quality meat product. If you don't belive me, contact me and for the right price I'll ship you some. (I accpet paypal)

by farmerjoe at March 19, 2004 4:53 PM

Here is a link for people asking about how to order wimmers

If you've never had them before and think you enjoy hot dogs even a little-- give 'em a shot. It's part of the nebraska experience that I would hve a hard time giving up ;-)

by matt at May 31, 2005 4:47 PM

I love hot dogs!! As a child, that is all that my cousin and I had to survive on. So you see hot dogs actually saved my life!!!!

by christy harchfield at June 4, 2005 9:47 PM

Try www.wimmersmeats.com and you'll have your Wimmer's Weiners!


by Anne at December 5, 2005 9:58 PM

Try www.wimmersmeats.com and you'll have your Wimmer's Weiners!


by Anne at December 5, 2005 9:58 PM

comments are closed