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rayanne

I wanna spread the news if it feels this good getting used

by rayanne at 08:05 PM on April 21, 2003

Brief recap, in case y'all forgot me: MG gave me a login, I posted a couple of times, got intimidated, and ran off with my tail between my legs. Boo hoo.

Honestly, I didn't know what to write about, since Drama Boy - the whole reason I wanted to start writing something here - had cut me off in January, when I let slip that I was actually having FEELINGS for him. "Oh, well, then," he says, "We'd better set limits, to protect our friendship." And then he pretty much disappears from my life altogether, aside from the occasional quick phone call. So at the time, I didn't have even have a so-called love life to write about.

Then last night Drama Boy comes over to my apartment, ostensibly so we can watch Spirited Away. I haven't seen him in over two months. Nonetheless, within 45 minutes we're fucking like a Easter bunnies.

He's so obvious about it, but so passive at the same time - coming in all gripy about how his neck hurts until I offer a backrub, then hesitating when I point him towards the couch. "We'd have more room on the bed." Yeah, right, like I don't know what he's up to. So he lies down on my bed and I rub his back for a while and then he rolls over and smiles up at me.

"What are you doing?" I ask as he starts tracing his fingertips up and down my arms. Then his hands are elsewhere. "Don't you want to?" he asks. I sigh and say, "Look, it's not that I don't want to..."

He waits until my eyes are closed and my breath is ragged. "I don't want to date you, Rayanne," he says, his fingers making excruciatingly slow, gentle circles. This is the point where anyone with half a brain would say, "Why the hell don't you want to date me, when we have wonderful conversations and we have so much fun hanging out with each other and we have this mindblowing sexual chemistry? What is it about me that's so fucking undateable, anyway?" But instead it's the point where I shush him and start unzipping his pants.

Here we go again. This is the third time now that I've started up a sexual relationship with Drama Boy without a dating relationship to go along with it. I am SUCH an idiot.

Then I got an email from a friend who had gone off and had sex with the ex over the weekend. Man, what is it about the familar nookie that makes it SO hard to say no?

comments (14)

Rayanne, it's been so long since we last spoke. I hate to see you going through this. I think I can help you. Give me a call sometime. Not a call call, but you know what I mean...

by Jesus at April 21, 2003 8:57 PM


Damn that Jesus is a horny one.

by Jen X at April 22, 2003 12:24 AM


Oh now.
Rayanne always secretly knows what she's getting herself into. That's why, on the show anyway, she drinks.

And anyway, what have I told you about calling yourself stupid/an idiot? Hm? Don't make me go all Sharon Cherski on you.

by Jessica at April 22, 2003 1:27 AM


It's real simple. You like it so you don't say no. And then you regret it. Cause he likes it too but wants no commitment.
Stop doing this to yourself, it will end up worse every time!
It's so simple when you're watching from the outside!...

by necropethamenos at April 22, 2003 4:29 AM


Hot story. What's cool about you is that your vocabulary includes "y'all" "shush" and "kvetching." All great words.

by Anna at April 22, 2003 7:40 AM


Argh... Anyone that says women are evil doesn't know men. Girl, I'm with Necro in theory, but I am definitely one to ignore logic when actually in the situation. (translate: I am a sucker.)

by Linz at April 22, 2003 9:43 AM


Ooh, you're SO right, Jessica - why d'ya think I chose the name Rayanne?

by Rayanne at April 22, 2003 9:47 AM


I guess this would depend on how badly the aftermath affects you. If it isn't that stressful and the sex is good enough to tip the scales in that direction then have at it. If it depresses you or causes you to doubt yourself in any way make a change. Comfortable things are always easy.

by Ezy at April 22, 2003 12:23 PM


I'd say, next time, tease him, and then walk out the door, and masturbate to your psychological victory.

by LOCKHEED at April 22, 2003 3:40 PM


Oh my god, that's perfect Lockheed. Do it Rayanne! Do it!

by Linz at April 22, 2003 3:56 PM


This may be a BS 1st. See the harmony between Linz and Lockheed.

by Anna at April 22, 2003 6:45 PM


That's a lovely theory... but this boy and I have shown a remarkable lack of ability to NOT have sex when we're together. I think we've only hung out without doing it once or twice - and we've hung out a LOT.

by Rayanne at April 22, 2003 8:00 PM


Well then DON'T hang out?

by necropethamenos at April 23, 2003 4:33 AM


That *does* seem like the logical conclusion, doesn't it, Necro?

Argh.

by Rayanne at April 23, 2003 3:49 PM



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