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but i've gone feral, and i don't speak the language anymore

by mg at 11:39 AM on March 10, 2003

Someone once told me I was a cat.

Then, someone else told me. And then another. It's now gotten to the point where it happens frequently enough I had to stop and think about it seriously, even though my normal reaction is to completely ignore other people's opinions.

A cat is certainly not the animal I'd have chosen for myself, even if I were the kind of person to sit around and think about what kind of animal I am. Still, I can definitely see why people would make that leap; and it's not just because I lick myself in public and bury my excrement in sand.

There are other physical traits I have in common with the feline species, too. There is my need to climb things, and fascination with laser pointers, and my ability to fall asleep anywhere (but usually in patches of sun on the living room floor), and in any number of contorted positions (on top of sofa backs, wedged in dresser drawers). I also stealthily pad around, occasionally brushing up against people's legs as they try to wash the dishes.

But, more than anything, I think people make the cat analogy because of psychological characteristics rather than the physiological ones. Cats are traditionally aloof. You can't take them for walks or play Frisbee with them. They sure do love to be petted, but only when they deign to allow you to touch them; the rest of the time, they hide under beds and only Bast knows where else.

And remember that commercial from a couple Super Bowls ago? The cat herding one? Ever tried to get a cat to do a trick, or even just get off your bed while you're trying to have sex? It just isn't happening.

Unrelated to the whole cat thing I've been called aloof, cold, uncommunicative, and brooding. I haven't been told it quite as often, but when I do hear that it is usually from a soon to be ex-girlfriend, so I take it pretty seriously. I know it’s true.

I can go a whole day without talking or seeing another person, and not really care at all. And I’ll be the first to admit that if I could only figure out how to work a can opener, I wouldn’t need a single other person in my life. But there is one person that I want in my life; that I would gladly give up all my feline freedom to spend the rest of my life with her.

But, she is the dog to my cat. And like a dog, she needs constant affection, someone to rub her belly, take her for a walk when she needs to make, and go for long drives in the country with the windows open. Unfortunately, unlike anything you might have assumed by looking at a selection of Hallmark calendars, dogs and cats don’t really get along very well.

It’s hard to change who you are. It’s hard to be something for someone else, especially if it’s something you don’t need for yourself. But I’m trying.

comments (12)

I always thought of you as more of a wombat.

by Linz at March 10, 2003 11:47 AM

Me too!

by Mysterious Typing Wombat at March 10, 2003 11:50 AM

You should adopt a puppy! That would rock!

by Eviltom at March 10, 2003 12:19 PM

Dude. I called you LAST MONDAY. And a few days ago. I'm only trying to give you MONEY. Silly non-phone-call-returning-cat-boy-thing.

by quicksilver at March 10, 2003 3:46 PM

By the way, since no one has said it, I will... because it needs to be said: MG, you're a pussy!

by Eviltom at March 10, 2003 6:06 PM

I hear you about cats. Fuck cats. They're all aloof. But not all of them. My wife was the protege of a famous dog trainer. His mutant cat will heel on command. He may fetch too. Probably just to amuse herself though.

by Anna at March 10, 2003 6:42 PM

Cats rule. I am totally a cat person, although this doesn't make me turn my back on dog people.

by Lucy at March 10, 2003 7:43 PM

I'm not going to rant about cats. I had a cat lick my head once. Yes, 'that' head, back in college. Anyways, I think we simply didn't give MG the comments he wanted from this post, so I'll give it a shot... The itsby spider climbed up the water spout...down come the rain, and washed the spider out... : ( out come the sun and dried up all the rain...and the itsby spider climbed up the spout again... :) MG, I believe in love, and who knows where or when, but it's coming around again, I know nothing stays the same, but if you're willing to play the game...it's coming around again...(sniff, sniff)

by LOCKHEED at March 11, 2003 2:41 AM

I am totally a cat person, and in fact have two right now. However, one of them is currently picking things out of my garbage because he's bored, so this is making me grouchy with him.

I still love him though; he's just crazy, like any good cat.

by Jen at March 11, 2003 12:19 PM

I remember taking piano lessons when I was a kid and having to play my songs with the sound of the teacherís cat sitting behind the piano hacking up a hairball. Hack, hack, hack Ö hack, hack Ö hawk!

by MrBlank at March 11, 2003 12:38 PM

That's kind of sad MG. I hope you are the kind of cat that can be trained and perhaps she is the kind of puppy who can become more independent.

That's tough. Good luck.

by sydney at March 11, 2003 1:54 PM

Nothing and no one is as precious to me as my cat. Her name is Grendel, and she loves me so much. It is very difficult for me to show affection or even empathy toward another human being, so I naturally get extremely attached to animals. She is on my lap right now, as usual--we communicate telepathically. A couple of times, I've been so overcome with love that I've started crying while petting her. It's at those times I realize I'm a total fag.

by douchenation at March 15, 2003 3:37 AM

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