« I Just Can't Go, You Win Again | Main | Wife and kids and household pet. Army green was no safe bet. »


bad news: and so this is christmas, for weak and for strong, the rich and the poor ones, the road is so long

by mg at 09:30 AM on March 17, 2003

President Bush, British Prime Minister Tony Blair, and Spanish Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar met this weekend for a historic summit at the Portuguese Azores Islands to discuss the political impasse in the United Nations, and the possibility of military action in Iraq.

Today, the U.N. Security Council was supposed to vote on a resolution calling on Iraq to immediately and unconditionally disarm. If they fail to do so, the resolution called for a forced disarmament by a U.N. military action. Spain, the United States and Britain are the sponsors of that resolution, and the greatest proponents for taking a hard line against Iraq.

Spain’s Aznar said that today’s resolution was a last chance for a diplomatic solution, or a "one last attempt [for the United Nations] to reach the greatest possible consensus among ourselves." Bush, Blair, and Aznar spent yesterday speaking to members of the U.N. Security Council, trying to convince them to vote “Yes” on the resolution currently before them.

But, this morning Bush called a press conference to make a startling announcement. “After speaking with the leaders in Germany, Russia, and France, me, Tony and Jose Maria got on the phone again last night and talked things out,” said Bush from the lawn of the Rose Garden. “And we all agreed that maybe we were a little hasty about this whole Iraq thing.”

“I know when I got off the phone with Jacque, well, I started to doubt that what we were doing was the right thing,” Bush continued. “And then when I talked to Tony and Jose about their conversations with Vladimir and Gerhard, we realized we were all feeling the same way.”

Bush went on to say that they would be remove their U.N. resolution from debate. “We’re going to give Iraq all the time they need to disarm,” said Bush, who also announced that all 150,000 troops currently stationed in the Middle East will be withdrawn. “In fact,” added Bush, “Tony, Jose, and I felt so bad about this whole mess that we came up with a way to show Iraq, and Saddam Hussein personally, how sorry we are for causing all this trouble.”

“Like our French friends did when they gave us the Statue of Liberty, the United States, Britain and Spain, but mostly Britain and the United States, will send a statue to Baghdad representing our respect for their government, and the regret we feel for bringing things to the brink of war. As I’m speaking to you now, engineers at Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, and Northrop Grumman are working to design a statue that will represent our true opinions of Iraqi and it’s leaders.”

“I hear it’s going to look like a horse,” said Bush.

When questioned as to whether the resolution to the problem in Iraq will allow his foreign policy team to turn its attention entirely to North Korea, another hot bed of unrest, Bush responded that “they’ll be getting their horse a couple months from now,” and walked away laughing maniacally.

comments (12)

It's my B-day so I am home cowering in my bunker w/ my battery-op TV tuned to CNN. They are pulling the weapons inspectors out FOR SAFETY REASONS. Dude, it's on.

by Anna at March 17, 2003 9:42 AM

Thanks for completly missing the point. And, happy birthday.

by mg at March 17, 2003 9:45 AM

Oh I get it. I get jokes.

by Anna at March 17, 2003 10:40 AM

Hey, just because it isn't a funny doesn't mean it isn't a joke.

by mg at March 17, 2003 11:21 AM

MG, you have a wicked sense of humor. I like it! Anna, I think it is way cool that you were born on St. Patrick's Day. Happy Birthday!

by Lucy at March 17, 2003 12:11 PM

Why are they getting a horse? If anything, they should be getting bombs.

by Eviltom at March 17, 2003 12:50 PM

Bombing the fuck out of North Korea. Now there's an idea I could get behind! Damn, too bad there's no oil over there.

by Charles at March 17, 2003 12:58 PM

Not funny. Really.

by necropethamenos at March 17, 2003 1:12 PM

Happy B-Day Anna! Hope it's a good one.

Charles, maybe we could send some of Iraq's oil to North Korea, after we defeat them. Then we could attack North Korea to get it back. That way both wars could be about oil, as everyone thinks Iraq is.

by Ezy at March 17, 2003 1:34 PM

Ooh, ooh, ooh, gotta get the popcorn... should be a great movie on at 8pm EST tonight. Happy birthday Anna. Briefing: the PLID spread continues to tack on record gains as 9 palestinians killed in Gaza... I'm in the money... (singing)

by LOCKHEED at March 17, 2003 7:05 PM

classic :D

by Lawrence G at March 20, 2003 5:31 PM

mg thats quite amazing, i don't know how much more i can take of george and his ............... really i can't say anything that hasn't already been said

by Mohamad Assal at September 2, 2005 10:58 PM

comments are closed