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effenheimer

Thanks you stupid bitch!

by effenheimer at 01:54 PM on February 28, 2003

Man, some people get so pissed off at other people's opinions. As you have all been informed at one time or another, I like to come here and get my groove on while in the real world, I tend to write slightly more sedate opinion columns. Sometimes, what goes here is just a dirtier version of what I do "out there."

One such case was my "Fuck the French" column in which I decried all things French. In the real world, I called it "Who needs the French anyway?" It is hard for me to tell which is the satire and which is genuine.

ANYWHO, this spastic colon of a human being got all pissed of in one of the nearby small towns where my column is syndicated. She has gone on a tear. She sent a ltter to the Shenandoah paper, she sent it to my paper in Council Bluffs. She has threatened to send my column and her letter to Le Monde and she sent a copy of her letter and my column to the publisher of the Omaha World Herald. My paper is owned by the same company as the OWH, so stupid people often think that they can get me in trouble by "going straight to the top." Well over half the staff of the Omaha World Herald comes from Iowa, many of those people are former Iowa State Daily and ISU alums.

Any way, this crazy bitch just made sure I am on the radar of a much bigger paper when that publisher called me up to tell me he would personally pay the shipping on that fed ex package and that I was right on the money. THANKS Ms. Dumb Ass!

Anyway, here is her letterletter which is more or less a response to what was here. Feel free to leave some feedback on the letter when you are done. Just don't swear at all or they won't run it.

ciao

comments (21)

Some people equate moral outrage with intelligence. I've never read Eff's newspaper column, but nothing he's ever said here was out of line. Then again, there's nothing that would personally offend me. Watch out...the same people accusing the Right of hegemony are creating an intolerant canon of their own, which is precisely why I don't leave the house.

by douchenation at February 28, 2003 2:49 PM


Oof. She really blasted you Eff about your picture. Talk about non-kosher comments. What a silly lady. I'd like to, well, take her behind the boathouse and uh... Douchenation whatever you just posted is far too intellectual for me. I think it has something to do with a Zero Sum Game. Or a Ying Yang. Well, apparently, pussyfuckingtraders ran up the bond market for no apparent reason today, yeah watch CNBC, they don't know shit from fucknola. Unless there's inside info of some imminent terrorist attack this weekend. Suffice it to say, I might be a dumbass, but I'm not a pussy. I sold bonds all day, lost my livelihood. Fucking pansy ass(ooohh buy bonds..because towelhead faggots are going to work with Bush and solidify his place in history). I bet that was a bunch of Arab money flowing into the market. Still haven't slept in two fucking days. Eyes shot. She said she likes the ocean...

by LOCKHEED at February 28, 2003 2:58 PM


Not sleeping for two days makes you sound like you've dipped into the white powder, Lockheed.
Eff, I don't know what you said about the French, though most likely it was amusing, but I loved the reaction it sparked. It's fun to watch people who take themselves and the world too seriously. Thanks for sharing!

by überchick at February 28, 2003 3:10 PM


What caught my eye was the shopworn letter-writer (and sometimes comment-poster) staple "speak for yourself." When writing in a public forum, by definition, you're attempting to speak for more than yourself. I wonder if there's something in the air that is eroding folks' tolerance of differing opinions.

by Anna at February 28, 2003 6:23 PM


Not that I'm surprised, but Bill Maher's new HBO show is jaw-droppingly awful. For someone who claims to be libertarian and think different, he sure sounds like a leftist fuck puppet to me. Nothing against the left--or the right for that matter--I just can't stand people who shout over others' valid points in favor of some bullshit agenda. The guy is completely full of shit. Totally unoriginal; he makes Jay Leno look like a pioneer. Bad Samaritan is infinitely more entertaining.

by douchenation at March 1, 2003 12:13 AM


Behind the boathouse...I'll show you my dark secret.

by douchenation at March 2, 2003 2:11 AM


I don't think I'm ever truly offended at anything written on the BS blog, but I was offended by that womans letter and wrote to say so.
Damn, I'm Canadian.....what the heck is wrong with that?

by Crayzee at March 2, 2003 12:48 PM


well i did see the comments on my paper's site in response to that lifeless old hag and I have to admit it gave me much pleasure to see intelligent discourse on that otherwise limited comment board.

anyone else?

http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=7215491&BRD=2554&PAG=461&dept_id=507134&rfi=8

by eff at March 2, 2003 5:12 PM


I guess you?re trying to be funny, so perhaps I shouldn?t take this so seriously. But even if it is trying to be funny? it?s a very old and tired thing to say you hate the French. It?s an American cliché ? usually proliferated by A.) people who?ve never been to France and B.) people who met a couple of snobby French people in the States. Humph. If you were to judge all Americans by the class of annoyingly loud, gum popping idiots that tour through Europe ? there would be far more arguments about why Americans suck. America is so isolated and arrogant in the world they create ridiculous caricatures. Guess what ? France has snobs YES, but also working class people AND minorities. They have their versions of liberals AND rednecks. Unfortunately The average American views the rest of the world abstractly and simplistically ? as if the only REAL place were the United States. As if all the ancient cultures of the world are deviants of US.

And HOW would you know about any good French art of the last 30 years if you?re so socially arrogant that you don?t learn to read French or BOTHER with subtitles in movies or read foreign magazines? The French, for one, heralded American Jazz, blues and comics and much great American art WAY before the American cultural elite took notice. Why? Because THEY pay attention. We need to pay attention too.

What I DO like about France, and other European countries is that they actually LISTEN to the will of their people ? their news broadcast and papers ACTUALLY report on protests. Thank GOD for the internet, or I wouldn?t get any real news AT ALL. The French government also CARES about the health of their people. I?m from the south, and one of the FATEST U.S cities, New Orleans. Everyone in my family either has cancer and/or diabetes, is overweight AND an alcoholic. As an adult I slowly became aware of the poison that poor Americans are forced to eat because they can?t AFFORD good food ? they don?t even KNOW what good food IS. It was a revelation to shop in a European grocery store. What we call health food, and buy in health food stores ? they call regular food and sell in regular stores. In France, my mother who has Cancer ? wouldn?t have to fake pain just to be examined by a doctor. Whatever, I LOVE my country ? but that doesn?t mean other countries might not have some better ideas about the way things should be done.

Further, Just because a big tough guy comes in and saves the small little smart guy from a big nasty bully doesn?t mean the SMART little guy should do what the hero tells him

by Ralph at March 3, 2003 4:57 AM


Hi Ralph,

Défaut de la reproduction sonore, vous semblez très fâché ! Il est
correct pour que quelqu'un ait les points d'opposition de vue et la
manière la plus rapide de rendre quelque chose très populaire, est
en écrivant des lettres de protestation. Est ce ce que la femme .
C'est satire et ne devrait pas être pris tellement littéralement.

Wow, you sound very angry!
It's ok for someone to have opposing points of view and the quickest way to make something very popular, is by writing letters of protest. That's what the woman did.
This is satire and should not be taken so literally.

Pardon my lousy french.

by Crayzee at March 3, 2003 12:51 PM


If is just satire, it's very tired satire.

by Ralph at March 3, 2003 6:06 PM


So, how come when the rest of the world hates Americans because we are all MTV watching, McDonalds eating, Nike wearing comformists, we have to stop and take a long look at ourselves and try to understand where they are coming from, yet when an American has an as equally ill informed impression of the French, he gets called ignorant?

Also, the papers here reported the protests. I'm not sure where anyone got the impressions they didn't. It was front page news, and at the top of every local broadcast the day of, and the day after the Feb 15 protests. And, do you really think the President should listen to the will of the people? How come people blamed Clinton and Bush whenever there is the whiff of them paying attention to polls in order to guide their policies, yet a couple people hold up signs in the cold for an afternoon, and Bush should be going back on year's worth of foreign affairs strategy?

I read today that Chirac and Hussein are personal friends. How come everyone is quick to blame Bush for taking it personally Hussein tried to assasinate his father, but Chirac's 20 year relationship with the man obviously doesn't color his foreign policy at all?

PS: Love you Ralph, glad to see you back around.

by mg at March 3, 2003 9:18 PM


It's becoming increasingly fashionable to shit on America--especially if you're American. Who said the rallies got no attention; it's all I heard about on the news and in papers for two fucking weeks. While I'm not necessarily for this war, I don't automatically assume everything I hear out of U.S. leaders' mouths are lies. Antagonism for the sake of being antagonistic is getting real fucking stale. And where are all the anti-genocide rallies?

by douchenation at March 3, 2003 10:11 PM


Tired? Are you fucking kidding me. Far be it for me to toot my own horn, but toot-toot fucker.

"French culture is declining faster than the credit card machine at Aldi’s. Any language with a nasal “n” phoneme is destined for the scrap heap of history. If it weren’t for their contributions to cheese-making, I’d have no use for the French at all."


That was funny. Far from relying on tired old stereotypes, I came up with plenty of new material. What is tired is American Europhiles who suck up to the English and the French because they buy their superiority rap.

by eff at March 4, 2003 11:02 AM


Hi MG.

In New York and S.F and other BIG cities the protests WERE covered, but across the U.S they CERTAINLY were not - if they WERE, it was as a mino note. Just GO to some local Newspaper websites and start reading.

And it IS ignorant to say the French haven't contributed anything culturally valuable in 30 years. OBVIOUSLY someone is only paying attention to what one was taught in college, yet OUT of touch with contemporary art, literature and music.

Anyway - here's a good article on the subject.
http://www.newyorker.com/printable/?fact/030310fa_fact

by Ralph at March 8, 2003 3:28 PM


This too.
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/03/07/opinion/07KRUG.html

by Ralph at March 8, 2003 4:10 PM


France choose a side. Unfortunately, it was not ours. I have four family members who may die in the Iraq conflict. If Iraq did get out of control, my four family members would secure France, if ordered to do so.

Quite frankly, I put away any french anything for now. It seems unpatriotic to be Pro-France to me. It is their right to express themselves, to vote as they do. But I cannot forget 9/11, France asked for patience. Two attacks on the World Trade Center is enough.

This girl (I do mean girl) feels hurt that France would offend some Americans to the point of swearing is immature. Has she not stood over a family member's coffin who served during conflict or war, or died in 9/11? Did she not triage, volunteer, or help the injured, dead, or survivors of 9/11?

On that note, some in France still remember World War II, payed to rebuild their monuments, and buried loved ones. So, I do understand why they would be hesitant to go to war. I, too, pray for a peaceful resolution, but to turn your back on an ally?

So,please do not ask an American not to be offended that an ally, France, gave Suddam Hussien the area of weakness he needed. The rift in the UN is allowing him to grow stronger. We can thank France for that (Please note the sarcasm.).


Please support out troops. They asked to serve; they did not ask for war. It is because of them that either view point can be expressed. The troops allow us the freedom to live in the democracy we do.

So, I will quietly put away my French things. And my family members are on their way to assure my children, the offended girl, the journalist, may never have to do experience 9/11 again.

by s at March 10, 2003 2:28 AM


"Quite frankly, I put away any french anything for now. It seems unpatriotic to be Pro-France to me."

1. Patriotism is immature. One can't praise his won country into heaven, saying it is the best in the world, because this is can never be true. There is no such thing as the "best" or "most fantastic" nation. Nor the US, neither France. One should always relativate his own country. Patriotism is something for silly, little kids.

"It is their right to express themselves, to vote as they do. But I cannot forget 9/11, France asked for patience. Two attacks on the World Trade Center is enough."

Sorry pal, but Saddam Hussein had nothing, really nothing to do with 9/11. Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden hate eachother. When are the Americans finally going to understand that? When are they finally going to understand that one can't find a secret, terrorist organization with a classical war in a country (a country that didn't even have enough money for one single pistol, so let alone weapons of mass destruction) that has nothing to do with that organization? Thanks to the President's silly war plans, both Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein have dissapeared forever. And nobody knows whether they are alive or not. But one thing is sure: for the islamic world, they are heroes.

What else has happened now? Sure, the US has got rid of a dictator. I won't deny that. But at the same time, it has brought the world into an entire new era. An era of so called "pre-emptive" strike. Don't you realise how dangerous this is? Following the US logic, India (a nuclear power) can attack Pakistan (a nuclear power too) because Pakistan could be a danger for India in the future. The US is so intelligent not to use nuclear weapons, but are countries like India and Pakistan too? I don't think so. From now on, we all live in a world in which we'll never be safe again. Never.

To all those French bashers, I'd say: watch the mirror. See what your country has done, see the way it behaves on the international forum. But please, stop bashing another country when your own has done so many things wrong itself.

PS: That whole "Chirac and Saddam Hussein have been friends for more than 20 years" is complete nonsense, it's absurd, it's ridiculous, it's shit. Who told you that? Certainly not "The Times" or BBC World (probably something FOX alike). Yes, France has had trade deals with Iraq in the past. But you guys forget one thing. The trade with Iraq is 0,1% of the French GDP. That same trade is 6,2% of the American GDP. The US has sold more weapons to Saddam Hussein than France, Germany and the United Kingdom together ever have. And that's the way things really are. So please, stop this hypocritical behaviour towards France!

by Pierre at May 9, 2003 6:31 PM


I thought of ignoring you, Piere, since I'm done arguing with fools about this. But, I have this thing where I can't let lies and mistruths be spoken without correcting them. First off, there does not need to be a proven relationship between Iraq and Al Quaeda in order to say that Iraq had ties to terrorist organizations. Iraq had ties to terrorist organizations, there is no denying this. Iraq may have had nothing to do with 9/11, but that was the event that woke America up to the danger's of allowing terrorists to operate without any real fear of reprisal. Iraq was targeted not for involvement with Al Queada, but because they both organizations are responsible for the murder of innocents through sponsorship of terrorism. That is the relationship of the two.

You say that Saddam and bin Laden are heros to the Islamic world. Even if that were true, who cares? The irrational oppinions of a few should not alter the actions taken to curb terrorism, and the fact is that in 2002 there were half as many global terrorist attacks as there were in 2001. The war on terrorism is working, and even if a few choose to martyr Osama and Saddam, they'll soon find they don't have nearly the support they did two years ago.

As for your nuclear rant, I'd like to point out that India wont attack Pakistan because Pakistan has nuclear weapons. Which is the same reason no one will be attacking North Korea. Say what you will about nuclear weapons, but they are an absolutly effective tool in preventing war. There has not been a major world war in 50 years, and it is because of the preventative power of nuclear weapons. Nuclear weapons will never be used, at least by a nation. The only threat of nuclear attack would come from a terrorist ogranization, who would not fear reprisal because there would be no appropriate counter-attack in such a case.

And as for your Iraqi trade info, let me just point something out to you. The United States' GDP is $10 Trillion. For Iraq to represent 6% of that, trade between the two countries would need to equal $600 billion. Right? Iraq's GDP is only $59 billion. These figures are facts. Your figures are shit. Your point was sort of true, though. The US does (or did) represent alarger portion of Iraq's GDP than France. The US represented 46% (27 bil) of Iraq's GDP and France significantly less at only 9.6% (5.7 bil). But, if you consider that France's GDP is only $1.5 trillion, the precentage of France's total GDP that came from trade with Iraq was THREE times that of the United States'.

by mg at May 9, 2003 8:06 PM


I think masturbating can increase national funds, and men's dick attack range. My auntie had a plant problem, and i recommended her buying a monkey with red ears. She is stupid now, thanks to Uncle Bill, and his sour rice from Alabama. I love to lick eyelids, and frostbites. Thank you for exactly 2 seconds. Maouchos...

by Mr. Moron at January 3, 2004 11:03 PM


Thank you Ralph. As an American, of French decent, I have been having this conversation for years. I don't ever say that France is better than the U.S. I love the U.S. That's why I'm here. I do think that people who bad mouth the French, Are people who have never had the oppertunity to travel to France. Forget about politics for a moment, and focus on the architecture, the people, the wine, the country side, the language. French histroy dates back far enough that every one could find something to enjoy. As far as the people who hate the French, That's ok. Hate France until your eyes fall out, if that makes you happy. The people who hate America can have the same passion in their hatred. Life goes on.

by Kevin at June 15, 2005 7:42 PM



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