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my blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold, my angel is the centerfold

by mg at 11:36 AM on February 20, 2003

There are lots of important things going on in the world. This isn’t about any of them.

Sure, I could talk about the never beginning, but constantly impending war on Iraq. And really, if anyone was stupid enough to get me started on the subject, I could rant for hours. It’s so bad that I have to bite my lip on a daily basis to stop myself from jumping into the conversations of the ridiculous lefty types I constantly overhear espousing their ridiculous beliefs on the subway, in line at bagel shop, and wandering around the Gap. If those Gallup people decided to give me a call, well, that’s one pole I wouldn’t mind taking all eight inches of.

To tell the truth, as much as I could talk politics endlessly, I don’t really want to; I’d rather talk porn, and why everyone is doing it but me. Now, despite what you may think, I’m not a huge purveyor of pornography. Like sex, drugs, and long distance telephone calls, I believe porn is one of those things you shouldn’t have to pay for. I’ll take what I can find for free, and with a minimal amount of effort, otherwise I don’t bother.

As a kid the best I could find was a rained on (oh god I hope that was rain) copy of some nudie magazine found literally in the gutter near my house. I didn’t have a big brother, and none of my friends did either, so found porn is all we knew, and we were damn happy for it.

But, the Internet, ah the glorious Internet, changed everything. Nowadays, you can stream hours of video into your home to satisfy every damn sexual perversion you might possibly have. Pornography is everywhere and everyone is doing it. Forget the parade of strippers through the Howard Stern Show. Forget big name stars like Pam and Tommy Lee, Rob Lowe, and R. Kelly shooting videos of their own. Forget the myriad of female celebrities who’ve tried to reinvigorate their career’s with a spread (literally) in Playboy (I’m looking at you Tiffany.) Forget the cadres of 14 year-old cam whores showing off their pre-pubescent wares for items of their Amazon wishlist (if only I could).

No, porn is so prevalent that average, ordinary people are getting into getting got in to (<ed note>I love that sentence</ed note>). Well, at least if you consider reality TV contestants average and ordinary. Of course, everyone knows that bitch Jerry from Survivor 2 (and more recently from The Surreal Life), spread them for Playboy. A few weeks ago, then Joe Millionaire finalist Sarah Kozer was discovered to have appeared in a series of bondage and foot fetish movies. Last week, American Idol semi-finalist Frenchie Davis was booted from the show because she appeared topless (and apparently masturbating) on a website called "Daddy's Little Girls."

And these are just the two we know about! I’ve no doubt several of those Bachelorette guys have appeared in bathhouse movies. Or that when the ladies get back from the Guys vs. Gals Survivor, more than one of them will be starring in a munching video. Two of the men on High School Reunion streaked naked last week. And who can erase the image of Richard Hatch dancing around naked on the original Survivor?

Even I’ve been known to show off my bits and pieces.

Seems everyone is getting naked and taking pictures (because it’ll last longer). Is this a sign that Americans are finally getting over the Puritan value system that founded this country and we are all coming to realize that sex isn’t an awful, sinful, dirty thing? Or is this a decent into late Roman Empire bacchanalia? Either way, I know I’m enjoying it.

comments (9)

MG, it's not just the Americans. How typical of you and your people to not consider the rest of the world. Hey, even Osama himself is into the naked pics!

by Osama at February 20, 2003 12:06 PM

No, America still sees sex as an awful dirty thing. The fact that American Idol would kick someone off their show because they showed some skin is proof of that. The mentality of violence-good, sex-bad is still here. In the Midwest anyway.

I think MTV is the only channel that isn't afraid of sex, which is sad since mostly pre-teens watch it. They have all kinds of weird sex shows. There was one show that was supposed to "inform" young woman about breast augmentation. They didn't blur out the boobs before and during the surgery, but after the augmentation the nipples were suddenly blured out. Like puffed-up titties were too sexy, but little ones or bloody ones were OK?

by MrBlank at February 20, 2003 2:37 PM

I won't rest til we have sex & nudity in commercials like they do in Europe. Honestly; I think that our dual taboo/obsession with sex fucks [sic] everyone's minds up in this country. The guys I've been with from other countries seem way more laid back about how often they get it. And way better at doing it...

Well, not to say that 2 can speak for the whole of the rest of the world, but I'm just sayin'.

by Linz at February 20, 2003 3:17 PM

I hear what MrBlank and Linz are saying, but I have a couple of comments...

Does the American Idol example really count as a knock on America? I mean, the producer dude who (I think) made the call is some prissy-looking Brit. Wasn't his name Nigel, or something?

Also, Linz, what's with the euphemism? "The guys I've BEEN WITH..."? Not picking on you because this is a common expression and also because if I had to choose between you and ice cream, it would be a tough call for sure, but it seems to me that such terms carry an air of dishonesty or perhaps just insincerity. The term especially stands out in contrast with your previous two sentences, which call for more openness in terms of how we think about sex.

Instead of "been with," I wish chicks would instead say:

"... the guys who have put their pee pees in my thingy down there..."


"... the guys who have plowed me, and plowed me hard..."


"... the guys who gave me the high hard one, and I'm not talking about Roger Clemens to Mike Piazza..."


"... the guys who pricked me, and licked me, and dicked me..."

Okay, back to work...

by Eviltom at February 20, 2003 4:00 PM

I sure do love all of the conveniences, of the States, but the Europeans do have better tv, for nudity and porn that is. I sure hope, one day, that we will drop these puritanical views, stop letting people like Jerry Falwell influence moralistic decisions about what is acceptable and all just get naked. Hell, we can throw an Roman orgy in, for good measure, to celebrate. That would be sweet!

by Ezy at February 20, 2003 4:37 PM

What I hate about Net porn is the cookies. Maybe because of my screen name my email inbox remains blessedly empty unless I post something that generates a lot of comments. But one time I clicked "Cam Whores" and got deluged with come-ons from coeds w/ webcams. See underlined name below.

by Anna at February 20, 2003 7:26 PM

ooh, what a lucky man, he was... I still believe in the moral value of the Puritans, and try my best to live up to those morals when regarding sex, that's why I only have prostitution based sex. Romantic Sex is sinful, and so is masturbating. I've failed. I really have... where have all the morals gone... long time passing... gone my lover's dream, lovely summer's dreams... hear me Willow, and weep for me...

by LOCKHEED at February 20, 2003 9:00 PM

With the point about porn in Reality TV... the winner of Survivor 5, Brian, starred in many porn movies, as has his wife... just thought I'd throw that in there

by LostSoul at February 22, 2003 12:50 AM

I think Jerri is a bitch. A VERY HOT BITCH that is

by alliance at June 1, 2003 3:37 AM

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