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I hope You Have the Time of Your Life

by anna at 07:09 PM on January 17, 2003

Linz posting about her band got me to musing about my love/hate relationship w/ modern music. Although I am aged, I do try to keep somewhat current. You see, I can't stand the tunes from my generation because money-grubbing radio programmers played them to death years ago.

So I listen to the radio while trapped in traffic. Most of what I hear either sounds as if it were manufactured on a corporate assembly line or is so morose it begets suicidal tendencies. But once in a while, something catches my ear. Toe-tapping commences. Problem is, the DJ never identifies the artist/title anymore. Oh sure, I know I could research it online but who's got time for that?

Years ago I heard Sixth Avenue Heartache for the first time. It spoke to me, and I dug the languid beat. I hotfoot it over to the local CD outlet, only to realize I don't know what the fuck it's called. Which left me with three unsavory options: 1) Do without the tape. 2) Sing a few bars to the clerk in hopes that he'll recognize it. 3) Describe the song to him. Since I sing like a walrus barking, #2 was out. I opted for #3: "The singer sounds kind of raspy and he's saying something about a homeless guy with guitars who dies," I prompted the pimply-faced punk. "That would be Sixth Avenue Heartache by the Wallflowers," came the snide reply. I could discern from his smirk that he considered it way too mainstream for his taste. Calling upon something I'd read in Rolling Stone, I asked, "Say, isn't that Bob Dylan's son?" "I really wouldn't know about that ma-am. The band is called the Wallflowers. I could show you..." I was crushed. Ma-am? I'm like, hip!

The exact same humilating scenario played itself out when Green Day's The Time of Your Life caught my ear. "Aren't they the same guys who did Come Out and Play," I badgered the bored-looking clerk. "No, that would be the Offspring." To this day I'm trying to figure out who does that number where a guy in the background keeps going, "Shut the door baby, don't say a word." But I refuse to go through the music store ordeal again.

Pathetic, huh? Well, I've got news for y'all. Though you probably don't think about it much, tucked deep in the back of your mind is a Plan For Life. When the time seems right, you'll marry, start having kids, shed your hedonistic trappings and become Responsible Adults like your parents. You'll trade the snazzy Volkswagen Gulf for an SUV and in the final concession, that dreaded minivan. Before long you'll be coaching soccer teams, pitching in @ school fundraisers and walking around as if you've got a stick lodged up your ass. (Or maybe you haven't given it a moment's thought. I know I didn't until my late twenties.)

If my experience is any indication, it ain't going to happen. Sure, the Adult Events will transpire, but inside you'll still feel just as you do today. Myself, I've waited fifteen years to start feeling like a Real Adult. Instead, I find myself explaining Wallflowers songs to boys young enough to be my son.

What's more, Bringing Down the Horse remains among my son's favorite tapes. I turned him on to it. We rock, really we do.

comments (14)

I'm hip too but it really sucks when someone calls me ma'am. OMG ! The first time I heard those words, I looked around for "ma'am" surely they weren't talking to ME!
I don't sing quite like a walrus - close, but not quite but I haven't bought cd's in a very long time because of the humiliation of tracking down the artist and that's when having children comes in handy. With a simple question I usually have the information I seek and only one pimply-faced kid is snickering at me. All this is done in the privacy of our home so I'm not embarrassed to show my face at the local Music World - of course my children tell their friend about how lame I am for not knowing the information in the first place, and they tell two friends, and so on, and so on, and so.....

by Crayzee at January 18, 2003 12:14 PM

Wait a minute, I've got 3 kids. Why didn't I think of that? I could have saved myself all that trouble. Thanks, Crayzee. Note: I didn't include this in the body of the post but the same thing happened when I heard Len's You Steal My Sunshine. Man, did the rest of You Can't Stop the Bum Rush suck ass.

by Anna at January 18, 2003 1:12 PM

I'm starting to get sir all the time, it's one thing when it happens in stores and restaurants when I'm waving platinum around and those peons best damn well respect, but it really gets me when kids do it. I don't know why, maybe because I still consider myself a kid?

Hearing sir from a 60 year-old bathroom attendent kind of gets me down too, but for entirely different reasons.

I actually got "ma'am" once too. Weirdly, this was when I was still in high school. I was at the arcade with my friend Brion and this young kid comes up behind me and says "Excuse me ma'am." Sure, I had long hair at the time, but I also had facial hair, a bookbag, ripped jeans, and a was standing in a video arcade. It was kind of funny. But also kind of painful. The end.

by mg at January 18, 2003 1:13 PM

Internet radio, Anna. If you have a fast internet connection, visit www.shoutcast.com and tune in. All of the streams have a current playlist so you can find out what song you just heard.

I quit doing the record store thing a long time ago. The Mall was way to pricy and the independent music store had too much of an attatude when I would try to find something. Now, I just use Kazaa and if I come across someting I really like I'll order it directly from the record label or get it from Half.com.

I am 25 and I always get carded for everything, until I grew a beard. Then I never got carded and the sirs started to come. I shaved that beard off.

by MrBlank at January 18, 2003 2:24 PM

Dude, I sport a beard *and* I still get carded. It sucks. Pretty much the only thing that staves off the carding ritual is wearing my SF Giants sweatshirt; then I get to prattle incessantly about Jeff Kent instead. I think I prefer the carding, really.

("Shut the door baby, don't say a word"? Most likely "Every Morning" by Sugar Ray.)

by Antwon at January 19, 2003 12:05 AM

I may be a "ma'am" now, but at one point I was part of the target demographics. I guess I don't mind being called ma'am as much when I take out my black Imperial card and watch the jaws drop.
Alas, I get the last laugh!

by Crayzee at January 19, 2003 1:49 AM

BTY. Being carded at this point of my life, has been elevated to role play along with.......
Luke Skywalker and that princess chick
6 Million dollar Man & the Bionic Woman
Charlies Angels meet Charlie

LOL :)

by Crayzee at January 19, 2003 1:53 AM

With all the talk about identity theft, I am reluctant to surrender my ID to a total stranger. Think about it: He or she now knows your full name, social security #, address and DOB. Tomorrow they could BE you, waving those credit cards around. Paying cash for all purchases is the ticket to anonymity. Appreciate the tips, Mr. Blank and Antwon.

by Anna at January 19, 2003 8:25 AM

Hey 8 comments (9 with mine) good work Anna. No need to be envious of Linz now.

Except for her cute looks of course, although its hard to tell if you need to be envious of that, behind that Burka and all....

by ChuckWoolery at January 20, 2003 12:40 AM

You need someone to periodically smack you on the back of the head and say, "No! Bad puppy! No biscuit! I said Deftones, not Sugar Ray! BAD!"

by Adam at January 20, 2003 6:55 AM

So. Is it Sugar Ray or Deftones? Chuck, I'm still chuckling over your concept of comment envy. Something about it just strikes me as funny, like maybe it's actually true? Nah.

by Anna at January 20, 2003 7:30 AM

I downloaded the Sugar Ray song after seeing the comment. It's the one I think is the one that you were referring to (which I was wondering who sung for the longest time myself). Of course only Anna can say if its the one that Anna was referring to...

Easily found on KaZaA if you're so inclined.

(Heyyyy 12. Cool)

by ChuckWoolery at January 20, 2003 10:16 PM

Yeah, it is. That song rocks. I'd thought the music industry had put the kibosh on downloading tunes when it crushed Napster. I am so out of touch it isn't funny.

by Anna at January 21, 2003 7:47 AM

Write me to fuck.

by pascal.taddei at September 28, 2003 9:32 AM

comments are closed