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goose

Shiny, like Mr. Clean!

by goose at 11:53 PM on December 02, 2002

Fuck!

I was going to write an entirely different post, something about the joys of carefree youth, but then came another sign of the apocalypse - I lost another hair. It landed right between the Shift and Enter keys, lost and never to be seen again. I'm only nineteen, so I'm innocent and couldn't possibly have done anything to deserve this. I blame my parents.

Heredity is a calculating predator, attacking (mostly) males on my dad's side of the family. The genetics have been hanging over my head all my life, but I've never had to look up until now. "Next time, pick your parents more carefully" is my dad's motto. Yeah dad, I'll do that.

Optimism somehow surfaces occasionally. At least I'm not losing teeth or appendages or sex organs, I tell myself. At least I'll always have leg hair. But it's really not the same.

I wouldn't go so far as to call myself follically challenged just yet, but it's coming. Somehow, I know I won't turn out a cool Michael Jordan bald, or even Patrick Stewart bald. I'll be my dad bald.

No, screw that. I'm starting Rogaine, because it's either over the counter treatment now or illegal black market toupes when I'm thirty.

comments (6)

If you're really desperate, you could always try PABA (para-amino-benzoic-acid)

What it does: It is said to help your hair grow thicker and fuller.

Unwanted Side-Effect: Your skin could become blotchy (as in albino-fair patches of skin that contrast with your natural pigmentation) if you OD.

by Lucy at December 3, 2002 12:01 AM


Thanks Lucy. Actually, the only side effects I care about are the sexual ones. Drowsiness is a plus.

by Goose at December 3, 2002 12:14 AM


Lucy's comment reminds me of that additive to Pringles potato chips that was supposed to reduce fat or cholesterol or something but also had the unfortunate side-effect of....anal leakage. Ick!

by annna at December 3, 2002 10:28 AM


Yes, that wonderful product Olestera..

"they" say that it doesn't cause that unfortunate side-effect...

http://208.173.184.20/cgi-bin/newsware/questions/index.cgi

but what would you expect from a industry shill website.

I seem to recall it doesn't if you only eat the "recommended amount" which is 5 chips or something stupidly small...

by Jason at December 3, 2002 10:40 AM


Hell! It diminishes your body's ability to absorb vital nutrients, and it makes your butt leak, but what's not to like about fat free?!

by Linz at December 3, 2002 11:46 AM


You could just do what I... I mean some people do, and shave your head completly to allay any suspicions of premature balding.

by mg at December 3, 2002 10:21 PM



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