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I Hope You'll Come and See Me at the Movies

by anna at 08:21 PM on December 18, 2002

As promised, I bring you now a dose of levity for your consideration. Not necessarily a comment-magnet, mind you, but a harmless lark nonetheless.

Blockbuster not only rents but sells videos and DVDs. To me, this seems curious given that one could tape any title once it comes out on pay-cable or even broadcast TV in due time.

Having said that, I own a few choice selections. Although I purchase tapes for purposes reviewing them endlessly as Meg Ryan did an An Affair to Remember in Sleepless in Seattle but rather to savor certain scenes over and over again. Call me obsessive-compulsive, but my collection is as follows:

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: Paul Newman and Robert Redford dashing confidently from their squalid Bolivian hideout with guns a-blazing, only to be mown down in a hail of bullets. The freeze-frame is priceless.

Trading Places: Dan Ackroyd is reduced to stuffing buffet lobsters into his seedy Santa suit. Also loved his classic line, "Those men tried to have sex with me."

48 HRS: A petty criminal fresh out of prison goes to retrieve his dusty, loot-laden ride only to be confronted with the fact that it's been parked at the garage for years. He gets up in the attendant's face and snarls, "I've been very busy."

Beverly Hills Cop: Can't get enough of that sequence where Eddie Murphy storms into a bar full of redneck yahoos to announce that he is their worst nightmare---an armed brother with a badge.

When Harry Met Sally: Ryan's faked orgasm scene. I'll have what she's having.

Blood Simple: The opening narration goes something like this: "Over in Russia, they've got it all figured out. Everyone chips in to help their fellow man for the common good. But what I know about is Texas, and down he-uh you're on our own."

The Godfather DVD Collection: A detached Al Pacino calmly looks on at his son's baptism as his henchmen exact blood revenge against his adversaries both real and imagined.

9 1/2 Weeks: The erotic refrigerator scene.
Honeymoon in Vegas: A host of Flying Elvises skydiving.

The Accused: Jodie Foster pinned to the pinball machine.

This Is Spinal Tap: Guitarist Nigel Tufnel informs Rob Reiner that his amp "goes to eleven." When Reiner asks him why he didn't just make each of the customary ten gradations correspond to more decibels, a pregnant pause ensues. Followed by a conversation-ending, "This one goes to eleven." He might as well have said he had to go feed his hostages.

Someday I'll figure out how to splice all this delightful footage onto one DVD. Perhaps the audience has snippets they'd like to see included. If so, elaborate below. Steamy love scenes, gratuitous violence, memorably witty lines, whatever---anything short of hardcore porn or obscure foreign films or of course anything involving the insufferable Danny DeVito will do.

Otherwise I hope you enjoyed the barrage of flashback imagery.

comments (18)

There were these DVDs that came out this year that chop up the best bits of genre movies and put them all together in one place. I know they've got a collection of best fight scenes and scariest villains. It seems sort of ridiculous to me string together 5 minutes of 20 different movies, but I'm a very contextual sort of guy.

by mg at December 18, 2002 8:57 PM

I *LOVED* When Harry Met Sally! Meg Ryan is cute as a button!

by Osama at December 18, 2002 10:42 PM

I didn't put all these links in this post and I'm puzzled where they came from. I put links into the Blood Simple, Flying Elvi and one other reference but have no idea where the others came from. Not that it's bad, I just am curious.

by Anna at December 18, 2002 10:45 PM

I put the links in. Didn't mean to whore up your post, but I thought, with X-Mas comming, people might want to purchase the movies you so glowingly reviewed. Okay fine, I'm just a big whore.

by mg at December 18, 2002 11:04 PM

The scene where Eddie Murphy says, "I'm your worst nightmare--a nigga' [not 'brother'] with a badge," occurs in 48 HOURS (he's Reggie Hamlin, released convict, right?), and not in Beverly Hills Cop. Nevertheless, these are great selections. I'm still waiting for the complete Mel Brooks collection to be released on DVD.

by douchenation at December 19, 2002 12:30 AM

Was "brother" a tv edit? My favorite TV edit of all time comes from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Ferris is describing how uptight Cameron is - he says "Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his *fist*, in two weeks you would have a diamond." I don't know why, but that cracks me up every damn time I think of it. The original word choice just makes me sad.

by mg at December 19, 2002 12:46 AM

My favorite TV edit comes from the Michael J. Fox/James Woods movie "The Hard Way." The USA network decided "son of a bitch" was just too intense, so they changed the words to "slug in a ditch" (I am not kidding). The words "son of a bitch" were used at least a dozen times in the film, so one can imagine how amusing this is over the course of two hours.

by douchenation at December 19, 2002 12:52 AM

The most memorable line from "Beverly Hills Cop" would have to be: "We're not going to fall for the banana in the tail pipe."
Also, has anyone ever seen "Blazing Saddles" on network television? Talk about editing gone awry!

by douchenation at December 19, 2002 2:23 AM

I appreciate it when any TV-edited film replaces the expression "motherfucker" with "melon farmer". Doubly so when Samuel L. Jackson is the speaker in question.

by Antwon at December 19, 2002 3:44 AM

I could be wrong, but I think Antwon refers to Samuel L. Jackson's stick-up scene (at McDowell's of course) in "Coming to America," where Eddie Murphey's character subsequently disabled the would-be robber with a mop. Okay, so I watch too much Comedy Central...

by douchenation at December 19, 2002 4:05 AM

Mg, I really do appreciate the links. You're, like, editing. And yes Douchenation, I guess I did get mixed up about the 80s Eddie Murphy flicks. They're all so funny they run together in my mind. Unlike his recent output.

by Anna at December 19, 2002 7:57 AM

2 things:

1. I think seeing the Accused when I was 12 scarred me for life.

2. Stand By Me on TV: they looped the "Lardass" scene so the audience was just saying "LardLardLardLard" in a way that sounded sort of like Satanic backwards-talking.

by Linz at December 19, 2002 8:55 AM

The best of all TV voice overs occurs on Die Hard (the first in the trilogy) on USA. There is a scene where Bruce Willis curses out the feds over a radio. During this tirade of cursing, which lasts (and yes, in college, we did time this) twenty-two seconds and in the original includes every permutation and combination of most major cuss words, the voice which replaces Bruce Willis is: (1) at least one octave HIGHER than Bruce's, (2) uses the worst replacements, and (3) represents the single worst use, ever, of voice replacement in TV history.

by Gil at December 19, 2002 12:30 PM

I like the scene in The Ruling Class, where Peter O'Toole takes on the Electric Messiah, although I like every scene in that movie. Also like the scene in Charade where Audrey Hepburn in her blue pajamas says to Cary Grant,"I bet you don't need these..." as she puts on his glasses, and immediately says, "Oooh, you do need these." Yep, turns me on everytime.

by LOCKHEED at December 19, 2002 6:03 PM

Well, pigs must be flying, hell must be frozen, and Adam Sandler must have actually made me laugh...Lockheed's back!

by douchenation at December 19, 2002 6:19 PM

Adam Sandler generally makes me nauseous but I must say I love his Hollywood Jew-outing Hanukah tunes. Pure kitsch. And welcome Lockheed if that's really you.

by Anna at December 19, 2002 7:23 PM

'Tis indeed Lockheed I put one of those doggy collars on him, so if he gets out of line *buzzzzzz^ electro shock. I just wish I could do that with all my readers - that is my Chirstmas wish.

by mg at December 20, 2002 2:17 AM

Incidentally, one of my friends used to take the "invisible fence" collar off his dog and put it around his younger brother's neck (by force and with my help, of course). He would then drag the poor bastard near the television, which would shock the living shit out of the kid. While it was undoubtedly unpleasant for the youngster, we enjoyed the experience whole-heartedly. This friend also taught me how to make napalm with a cheese-grater, a bar of soap, and a can of gasoline. Man, I miss being twelve.

by douchenation at December 20, 2002 2:35 AM

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