« 1013's Bitch | Main | Richard Geer IS Pretty Woman »


too much information theatre

by mg at 05:48 PM on May 16, 2002

I'd always heard that smoking causes impotence. I know that whenever smoking comes up on Politically Incorrect Bill Maher makes a point of stating he quit the day he found out about the correlation between cigarettes and droopy penis.

Iíve never had the first hand experience to corroborate that hypothesis, but just the thought has always scared me. Iíve seen pictures or smokerís lungs and victims of mouth cancer. They were gross, but it didnít do anything for me. Same with emphysema. I donít even know what emphysema is. It sounds like something I wouldnít want, but I canít be sure.

I donít care about later, just now. Iíve always read that each cigarette you smoke takes an hour off your life. Well, if it were these great (sarcasm) days of my 20s, Iíd care, but the hours coming of my life are when Iím 90. When I hit 90, am shitting in my pants, canít remember my grandkidsí names, and actually enjoying CBSís programming, Iím sure Iíll welcome anything that speeds the impending and inevitable end.

Well, in an effort to get a little healthier, I quit smoking recently. The reason I quit was to make my life better now. I want to exercise without keeling over in pain. I want my clothes and apartment to smell lemony fresh, and I want to save a couple bucks. It had more to do with feeling better now than it did about some mythical bad thing that may happen to me 30 years from now.

Well, itís been one week, today, since I quit. Not really a long time considering in the 10ish years Iíve been smoking, Iíve quit many times before. Iíve gone lots of weeks like this. Iíve even gone as long as 6 months without suckling at the teat of the dark mother.

But, I think this time it is going to stick. Starting a couple days after my last puff, I noticed a spontaneous erection. Not a rare thing for a guy. Erections are mysterious; you never know what causes them. Sometimes it is two lesbians making out, sometimes it is hearing the theme song to the Golden Girls.

So, one erection is no big deal. But then there was another, and another. It has gotten to the point where Iím constantly at attention. I feel like a Marine trapped in a room with a tape loop of the Star Spangled Banner playing. The only cause could be the lack of nicotine in my body, and if that is the case, you definitely wont see a cigarette in my hand any time soon. But until I find a girlfriend, you may catch me with something else in my hand.

comments (5)

Congrats on quitting. (Although that last sentence was too much information indeed)

by Girl w/KaleidoscopeEyes at May 16, 2002 7:22 PM

Congrats! I'm sure you can do it--anyone can, it's just matter of finding what makes you want to NOT start again and sticking with that. LOL I haven't smoked for well over a year, and I still miss them, but I did notice while I was at the Coachella Festival a few weeks back that every time I got downwind of a cigarette, the smell made me sick. (FINALLY--after a year of sniffing smokers like they were wearing some exotic perfume)

by skits at May 16, 2002 9:03 PM

Go you! It's hard to quit but the first week's the worst... but you know this...
It's been a year & a half for me (after 8 years smoking, pack a day) & I can actually run four miles now... prior to quitting I had only run one mile, once (because I had to, to graduate high school).
Plus, I don't get really cranky on planes, or at meetings anymore, and I don't cough up anything that frightens me or get bronchitis twice a year.
And did you notice how you can smell things again?
Keep it up man.

by Linz at May 17, 2002 8:57 AM

I quit recently too, after I smoked too many Camels the first day of Spring Break and woke up finding that my throat had swelled shut. I'm not noticing the other benefits that you mentioned, but I can breathe again, which is nice. And I guess that being able to exercise without getting winded helps that other thing. Assuming that you have someone to do that other thing with.

by westernexposure at May 18, 2002 6:05 AM

Cigs are sooo nasty I use to smoke occassionaly but not only did it hamper my breathing it actually made everything smell bad on me-0cluding my urine and vagina isnt that gross !

by Susan at September 12, 2005 2:11 PM

comments are closed