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Richard Geer IS Pretty Woman

by unanon at 08:23 AM on May 17, 2002

Hey there, I'm the new writer here at bs, and i sure as hell intend on living up to the abreviation. I'll bet you want to know more about me than just that, but frankly, I'm just a cocktease, so that means I'll be as vague as possible while still appearing to be informative, much like the FBI.

So, what can i tell you without giving out obvious information to my stalker or any preist? Well, I'm a 20-year old non-Arab Middle Eastern-Australian, a university student in Queensland, am an electronic musician, have posted on this site by another name, have a modest yet impressivly sized package, and am generally a domestic man of mystery. I say domestic man of mystery because, as somebody who is apparently muslim, there is no way in hell I can go near an airport without capturing the attention of the security guards for something other than my good looks.

I also used to run a website that hooked tens of people, who were somewhat charmed by my rushed, mistake-filled posts, and my struggles to lose my virginity, get a fuck-buddy partner, and deal with my beer allergy, all while living a pseudo-rock star lifestyle.

A number of things have happened since I closed down my site for a long-winded reason I can't be bothered going into. I went to Melbourne for the new year, where my car got vandalised in the secured car-park of a major 5-star hotel chain... on new year's day, I released an EP to critical acclaim, got my Youth Allowance cut because John Howard doesn't like brown people, and can't get a regular job because tourists are kinda freaked out when their cocktails are served to them by some middle eastern-lookin' dude. I'm sure the beard I grew for a media stunt didn't help things either, if only because people started treating me with more respect, possibly under the assumption that I was a nice guy.

oh, and ladies, I no-longer have a crush on a certain chick... Expressions of interest as my official attention-diverter can be sent here. People with pictures get preference. People with pictures of themselves extra-special preference. Women with pictures of themselves get ultra-special preference.

Ok, you must be asking yourself, "No wonder he's using the internet to get laid... he beare's (I assume, of course, that you think with spelling and grammatical errors) an uncanny resemblence to Urkle. Hell, he was reduced to playing basketball with a man in drag because he couldn't nail the girl next door". Well, smarty pants, apart from the fact that at one stage we were mistaken for each other (owing to a very thick pair of glasses and a flat-top haircut that was the fashion those days), we have very little in common. For one thing, the girl next door was a 65-year old neo-nazi.

comments (1)

People use the internet to get laid?!


by skits at May 18, 2002 2:31 AM

comments are closed