So far, 2002's been a pretty good year. I have a really good job and I work with great people. I passed the Bar Exam. In a week or two I'm filing my first lawsuit - and it's a civil rights action against a police officer (I dream happy dreams of suing policemen who let their control issues get the better of them). I went to Canada and met pretty girls. A new Star Wars film came out and it didn't suck. Hell, I've even been getting my hair cut regularly.
But last week, it went from 'pretty good' to Goddamned Spectacular™! I can hear you asking yourselves, "What could possibly have happened to make this happen? Did he get laid or something?"
Sadly, no. As it happens, I haven't experienced that particular diversion in so long I am beginning to wonder if I didn't just imagine it. That being the case, if that were it Goddamned Spectacular™ would be a significant understatement. So, since that isn't it, you'll have to guess again.
"Okay, so you didn't get laid. A new girlfriend, then? A chance to maybe get a little sumthin' sumthin' in the forseeable future?" Again, sadly no. I do have a few irons in the fire, but, well... um, perhaps it's best we get off this line of inquiry. I'm too busy for a girlfriend right now, and, frankly, thinking about it is depressing me
"Promotion?" No. And it would be small change compared to the magnificent boon which has actually been granted to me.
"Um, okay, you were bitten by a genetically-engineered spider and woke up the next day able to climb walls, jump from rooftop to rooftop, and shoot high tensile-strength webbing from your wrists?" No. But that would be pretty cool.
So, what could it be then? What could possibly have happened that's better than any (or at least most) of those things? Well, just this: The Redneck Asshole moved out of the neighborhood! I was so ecstatic, I even took a picture of the moving van in front of his house to memorialize the blessed event. Whenever life gets me down, all I have to do is look at this picture and I can't help but feel better.
No more will my life be blighted by the most worthless nouveau riche yuppie pinprick I have even encountered. Oh, sure, my street's still brimming with his lesser minions, but my chief antagonist is gone.
It almost beats getting laid. I said "almost."
You know, in lieu of the whole "Getting laid" thing, dispatching an arch-nemisis does nicely. Maybe I need an arch-nemisis to dispatch to turn my mood around?
by mg at May 22, 2002 12:28 AM
It couldn't hurt. Not one bit.
by Muad'Dib at May 22, 2002 3:06 PM
"I even took a picture of the moving van in front of his house to memorialize the blessed event."
man. you really do need to get laid.
by miss bazima at May 22, 2002 3:38 PM
And then you should take pictures of that.
by mg at May 22, 2002 3:41 PM
I can neither confirm nor deny that I possess any photographs of such an explicit nature.
by Muad'Dib at May 22, 2002 5:27 PM
Ha! He's not denying it! That means he DOES!
(snaggle obviously has plans to take the Bar in the near future)
by snaggle at May 22, 2002 5:36 PM
How about this:
Getting laid WHILE the moving van is out front! Now that could be your ultimate right?
by Pristine at May 28, 2002 11:54 PM