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Let's Get It On

by melly at 10:52 PM on March 15, 2002

Yes, it's been awhile. I'll fill you in on what's happened to me in the last three months: I had the baby. There, we are all up to date and can move on to how I am horny as this is my favorite topic in the whole wide world.

kd said I wouldn't even think about sex for a good six months after I had the baby. I have found this to be as true as the rumor that labor is painful. The fact that I am more and more bitching to Gordon about my panties being attached to my ass as opposed to a nice hardwood floor, tells me that I am ready to get back to matin' and creatin'.

And why shouldn't I bitch? I'm twenty-three years old. I figure my panties should be on the floor at least twice a week. I am missing the old days when I'd wake each morning and have to hunt the little fuckers down. I'd always find them some place like the kitchen or thrown on top of his web cam or swimming in a pool of Kama Sutra tickle powder.

One morning my bra actually had to find it's own way home! I opened the door and there it was, neatly folded in a plastic bag with a note saying,"We found this on the front lawn and thought you'd might like it back."

My underwear is bored people! Sometimes late at night I find myself perusing Victoria's Secret . Com looking for something, anything that will again make my pantie drawer the hoppin' joint that it once was. It's gotten so pathetic that my cartoon cotton's are intermingling with my black lacies and my snappie fronties. It used to be, with the exception of a few days out of the month, that I'd open that drawer and choose which sexy bitch I was going to be that day. Now anything that's got any amount of sex appeal is so wedged back in the drawer that I can't get the damn thing completely shut.

Let's not even talk about the underwear that goes up to my navel, which should have been burned a long time ago, but is now making a come back as I have become more into comfort than looks. Why? Because it isn't going to be neatly displayed on anyone's floor or couch or desktop photo of their parents, so why should I even bother?

I am not an ugly chick. Sure my breasts are a little floppy and my belly may noticeably protrude over my Levi's, but I am still as pretty as I ever was. I still have the same deceptively demure face. I still have legs so long my feet rest in Houston. I am still a worthy port of entry! Dammit, I say "chicks" and "port of entry"!

Some may think that now that I am a mom I should sit back and accept the fact that I am picking Hanes out of my ass at 4am, but that just isn't going to happen. I miss the tie-dye. I miss the eyelet. I miss the closeness and the passion and the sweat and the hair pulling and the spanking and the counters and the occasional bite on my inner thigh. I am a human being, and human beings need to have wild, barbaric sex!

I was sure that this whole thing had a point. Funny how it doesn't.

comments (23)

Melly, meet Eff.

Eff, meet Melly.

by Tom at March 15, 2002 11:17 PM

melly, i'll be right over. i'll pick up michele first. anyone else wanna come?

by miss b at March 15, 2002 11:21 PM

i was busy.

now i am so, so not busy.

lawdy lawdy! uh, can someone give me a ride? like, in a car?

by pat at March 15, 2002 11:26 PM

i am so there.

by kd at March 16, 2002 12:08 AM

I'm not a mommy and I'm still not having sex. Wont someone leave their panties on my floor?

by mg at March 16, 2002 12:24 AM

JetBlue has a flight arriving at 3:10pm, if someone's willing to pick me up at JFK and you can hold out that long. I'll bring panties enough for the lot of you.

by Antwon at March 16, 2002 3:13 AM

We have much in common. Freqently bitching to Gordon and being horny?

You and I need to talk about this over a couple martinis.

by Shar at March 16, 2002 9:03 AM


DFW to SA: 4 hours. 3 and 1/2 if I speed.

30 minutes on SWA.

by Charles at March 16, 2002 5:10 PM

I usually stop reading about the time somebody says, "I am still as pretty as I ever was." yet this time I felt strangely compelled to... no wait, I still stopped.

by eff at March 16, 2002 7:09 PM

you can leave your panties on my hardwood floor any day of the week, melly. wait. I don't have a hardwood floor.. is a dusty carpet with a little cat hair ok? I'd even let you hang them over my webcam. *nod* that poor thing is probably tired of looking at my cleavage anyway.

by alie at March 16, 2002 9:30 PM

I'm on the porch waving my panties around, Baz. Just drive by and get me and we'll go make Melly happy.

by michele at March 16, 2002 9:59 PM

I usually stop reading when it says "by effenheimer".

by melly at March 16, 2002 10:03 PM

doesn't everyone stop at that point, mel? i know i do.

by my husband thinks that a tampon is a jungle plant at March 17, 2002 1:43 AM

She said she's feeling lonely. And I say that's okay.

by andrew at March 17, 2002 10:48 AM

I have a hardwood for you. Er, um, a hardwood floor.

by Muad'Dib at March 17, 2002 4:02 PM

what's Kama Sutra tickle powder? is it fun? where do you get it? do you have some? can i come over then?

by kd at March 17, 2002 10:34 PM

Hmm, this floor needs buffing

by melly at March 17, 2002 11:23 PM

Well Melly you do need to get back into the swing of things. I am glad you are! Just because you are now a mom does not mean you gotta be Mother Theresa and devote your life now to be celibate for the rest of your life!

Now about the bra that was returned to your door step....HOW in hell (is my question) at a party did THEY know it was YOURS? hmmm...? haha..

Huggles Melly Mom.

by Pristine at March 18, 2002 5:05 PM

There was no party. And it wasn't the first time we didn't make it in from the truck.

by melly at March 18, 2002 8:00 PM

oh, mercy. the neighbors must love you very much.

i was thinking i wish my neighbors were that entertaining, but then i remembered they're like 80, so, ick.

by kd at March 18, 2002 10:52 PM

ahh..I C. Hmm....then no doubt they were very happy to live by you and wanted to make sure you had what belonged to you. I never get that lucky to live by such fun. Or if I do live by any fun I sure as hell would not notice it! Work at dawn, work at dusk, so who knows. Everything fun happens when I am obviously in bed...or something.

by Pristine at March 19, 2002 11:33 PM

Yu all just don't get it at all. I love men and their tight little butts. I just want to be me and just put all of me into their tight little butts for warmth

by William J. Hoffmen at February 5, 2005 12:16 PM

Ok so you had a party at your neighbours place?

by Spruhi at January 15, 2008 5:56 AM

comments are closed