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i'll be all in clover, and when they look us over

by mg at 07:19 PM on March 29, 2002

For those of you going to hell and completely unaware of todayís religious importance, let me school you. Today is Good Friday.

Good Friday is one of Christianityís high holy days. It is such an important day that catholic priests everywhere have stopped fondling young boys. But just for the day.

Good Friday is a high holy day because it is the anniversary of Jesusí death. By itself, that doesnít really seem like an event appropriate for celebration. But, Good Friday is one of the most important religious holidays because it is the set up for the resurrection. Itís sad and all that Jesus died, but if he didnít die, he couldnít have come back to life, see?

Jesus died on Good Friday, and then rose from the dead on the third day, Easter Sunday. So, it is really Easter, which is the big deal, church wise. Easter is probably the most important Christian holiday, even more so than Christmas, though it doesnít quite get the airtime, unless the guy dressed in a bunny suit that wanted me to sit on his lap and tell him what I wanted was holiday-related, rather than just sick and twisted (but I sat down anyway, of course).

I was never very religious growing up. Iím not sure we even went to church on Good Friday. But, we sure did go on Easter. But what I really remember about Easter is the non-religious stuff. Like Christmas, Easter has gotten to be much more a commercial holiday than a religious one.

When I woke up on Easter morning, my mom would leave a great big Easter basket at the foot of my bed. Inside, there would be Easter Grass, a big chocolate bunny with eyes made of pure sugar, a couple boxes of Peeps, a couple small toys (nothing big, since my birthday was close), some jelly beans and other assorted candy.

Iím not sure what any of that had to do with Jesus. Sure, God is everywhere, but is he even in the creamy filling of a Cadbury Cream Egg?

Weíd had out to Mass and then over to my Auntís house where all the cousins would search the house for the Easter eggs weíd painted the night before. Our hands would be stained with the food coloring for days. Then, my mom, who has never been much of a cook, would make here one specialty; roasted ham with clove and pineapple. Whenever she opened the oven, Iíd pick a clove off the ham and stick it in my mouth until I couldnít feel my tongue anymore.

Iím donít know what chocolate rabbits and colored eggs had to do with Jesus either. And, Iím pretty sure heíd have had a problem with the ham.

Easter also ends the 40 days of Lent. It meant you could go back to doing whatever it was you gave up to be more like Jesus. Because, you know, Jesus didnít touch himself down there, and if I can go 40 days without doing it, I can sit at the right hand of the father too.

I actually meant to talk about Jesus, about how he died for my sins and how in honor of Him Iím going to die and be reborn this weekend. But as I started writing, I realized that, come Monday, Iím just going to be the same old MG. At least Iíll be able to get some 50% off after-holiday Jelly Bellys.

comments (13)

Hey, I was just thinking about Jesus, and doing a little math. Jesus died on Good Friday, but rose from the grave on the third day. So, shouldn't Easter be on Monday? Anyone care to explain this to me?

by mg at March 30, 2002 6:35 PM

Maybe he died really early on Friday, didn't come back 'til pretty late on Sunday, and everyone just sort of ballparked the numbers accordingly. Most of my college come-back-from-the-dead stories involve that kind of exaggerative math, anyway. (They also typically involve largish amounts of tequila, but that's neither here nor there.)

by Antwon at March 30, 2002 8:40 PM

it is my understanding that jesus, like elvis, is everywhere. thus...yes, he would be in the creamy filling of a cadbury egg. but if he's got the whole world in his hands, and a cadbury egg too..which one is he gonna drop?

by Anon at March 30, 2002 8:54 PM

That must be it, the Apostles were all doing Tequilla shooters to ease their pain and just sort of messed up the math. Okay, my mind is now at ease.

by mg at March 30, 2002 8:55 PM

Jesus would drop the Cadbury Egg of course, I mean, it's not like its a Klondike Bar or anything. What Would Jesus Do for a Klondike Bar?

by mg at March 30, 2002 8:58 PM

I think he could take a stick of chewing gum or something and turn it into Klondike bars. I mean, water into wine is one thing, so a Klondike bar wouldn't be too hard, right?

by snaggle at March 30, 2002 11:21 PM

I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I stole his name for the sake of my own amusement and now manage to desecrate his memory each time I make a post.

by Jesus at April 2, 2002 2:44 AM

"Easter is a holiday where we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ in the form of a chocolate bunny" - B.Y.

by Noir at April 2, 2002 3:28 AM

Since He was originally a Jew, his Friday started on Thursday at sundown. After He died He wasn't considered a Jew anymore so He had until midnight on Sunday to rise. This accounts for the extra time. This also accounts for why ham is okay on Easter Sunday.

by Wiseone at July 31, 2002 10:42 PM

Praise the Lord

by Hardcore 4 Christ at December 27, 2002 7:37 PM

by uyhgyhhfgjmkyun at February 6, 2003 1:56 PM

by uyhgyhhfgjmkyun at February 6, 2003 2:37 PM

Actually, Jesus died on Wednesday. The Catholic church taught wrongly for centuries that Jesus died on Friday, called it "good," and we all get a day off of school and work. But actually, on the Jewish calendar, Jesus died Wed between 3 and 6 p.m., and they hurried to bury him because Thursday was a high holy day (due to the Passover, they had to have an extra sabbath). then the women bought the spices on Friday, then sat on their hands for saturday (the regular sabbath), and went to the tomb to see he was already gone on Sunday morning. Jesus said he'd be "in the ground" by the "sign of Jonah", 3 days and 3 nights. so it's sunset wednesday/thursday when he's buried... then thursday day, friday day, saturday day, and finally risen by the time the girls got there Sunday morning. Don't worry about the wrong old teaching and enjoy your day off. Maybe you can use it to learn some Greek and Aramaic and find some other false teachings/mistranslations. LOL

Too much time on my hands,

by KD at April 18, 2003 11:43 AM

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