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Did you ever know that Martin Brodeur is my Hero?

by jesus at 02:05 AM on March 07, 2002

Wow, it's been a while. I didn't leave on a permanent vacation to some far away tropical island full of scantily clad Polynesian women dancing in grass skirts while scary looking Polynesian men play with fire sticks, but I wish I had left on a permanent vacation to said island. No, I simply ran out of crap to whine about, though a vacation would be nice.

Soooo...how's New Jersey this time of year? I've never been, but I've heard nice things. Apparently, the city is like a waste dump for the city of New York, which, according to John Rocker, is a waste dump in itself. I've never been to New York either, but I'm not one to question the infinite wisdom of John Rocker.

I don't know how the tourism industry does in the city of New Jersey, but I'm sure at least 3 people have to wander in there yearly, if only by mistake. Don't get me wrong, I'd like to visit, but I prefer my sheltered little world. Here's a quick rundown of things Jersey is famous for:
-Jon Bon Jovi
-The toxicity of nearby water sources
-Jon Bon Jovi
-A turnpike
-Jon Bon Jovi
-A hockey team
-The minor band members who follow around Jon Bon Jovi

If I showed up there with all my misguided pre-conceptions and expectations, only to find that the city smelled like roses and there weren't temples dedicated to '80's hair rock, it would destroy my view of the world.

So, I'm not visiting New Jersey. Ever. For all I know, the people are kind, Seraphin-like creatures and the streets are lined with gold, but I don't care--I have my delusional views, and I'll be damned if I'm giving them up. Thus, I plead with you, loyal Garden State residents, tell me sweet lies. Tell me New Jersey is a hell-hole. Just don't tell me it's a nice place, my feeble mind couldn't handle the shock.

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