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Death to the Infidels

by jesus at 03:39 AM on March 31, 2002

Ahhh, 'tis that time of year again. 'Tis the time of year when we pull homeless IV drug users and pedophiles off the streets, dress them up in humorous bunny costumes, and invite parents to sit their small children on the laps of said vagrants. And then the children are taken home, put to sleep, and when they wake up in the morning they find the pedophile in the bunny suit has left them baskets and baskets of candy. And the children are happy. And the children, in some wonderful Pavlovian twist, learn to love pedophiles.

"But Jesus, this tradition seems so odd. Please, can you tell us about traditions in other parts of the world?"

Yes, strange random voice in my head, I can.

In Korea, for instance, the Korean parents take their children out in the dead of night to look for the Easter Bunny. They all carry flashlights and plastic bags, and wander through fields and rice paddies looking for the ever elusive Bunny of Easter. Once located, the Bunny is savagely beaten and placed in the plastic bag, then taken home and carefully skinned, strung up, and eaten.

"Wow, Jesus! I'll have to tell that one to my Grandchildren! But are there any more?"

Well, Germans go to their local "Bunnenstach", or as we say in Ingles, "Shop of hoppity bunnies", and purchase several rabbits of varying genders. They then lock those rabbits in a small enclosed area, provide them with ample amounts of porn, and let nature take care of the rest. Once the rabbits have bred, they choose the whitest, most hoppity bunnies of the batch and dress them up in miniature SS uniforms. These super bunnies are then paraded along the "Autobon", or "highway of firey death", for all of the passing motorists to see. Those that are not run over or eaten by vacationing Koreans are then sent back to their pens where the process is repeated for the following year.

"And what about the inferior ones?"

They are sent to America, where bunnies are so scarce that homeless men are often dressed up in their likeness.

comments (1)

There is so much about Easter that I didn't know!

Sorry, but none of these traditions can match the real life, modern day crucifixions in places like the Phillipines.

Forcing rabbits to goose step is one thing, willingly hammering nails through your palms is a whole other thing.

by mg at March 31, 2002 8:20 PM

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