« Mendoza line? What the hell's a Mendoza line? | Main | "Maybe we've redefined inhumanity...." »


bad news: nothing more fowl

by mg at 10:08 AM on March 08, 2002

As anyone who?s done any summer driving knows, getting bug guts off your windshield is harder than it looks.

Spraying some of that blue liquid and turning the wipers on wont get rid of most stains, and for those big bugs, like your Madagascan Giant Hissing Cockroach, even turning your wipers on high wont make a difference. And when you finally get around to using the squeegee at your local Gaseteria, you've got to scrub for minutes, and when you pull away from the gas station, you?ll always notice you didn?t quite get the whole stain.

So, its no surprise that Chante Mallard took more than three days to remove Gregory Glenn Biggs from her windshield. Biggs was much bigger than your average bugg, after all.

Mallard, a 25-year-old nurse's aide allegedly hit Biggs with her 1997 Chevrolet Cavalier last October. Mallard allegedly hit Biggs. The impact hurled him headfirst through the windshield, his broken legs protruding onto the hood. Mallard then ran from the scene of the crime, with Biggs still lodged in her windshield. Mallard drove to her Fort Worth, Texas home (damn you DFW people!) and parked in her garage with Biggs still lodged in her windshield.

I can understand why Mallard might not want to stick around the scene of the crime. She had been drinking and using Ecstasy all night. I imagine running a man down is certainly a buzz kill.

And I can understand why she may not have removed Biggs body from her windshield. He was still alive.

Biggs pleaded for help, but got none. Not then, or for the next two or three days, as he remained lodged in the windshield, bleeding and going into shock. Mallard went about her daily routine with Biggs still stuck in her windshield, slowly dying. She periodically went into the garage to check on Biggs. She apologized profusely to him for what she had done, but ignored his cries for help.

Three days later, Biggs died of blood loss. Mallard then dumped his body in a local park. Police had no evidence pointing toward Mallard, and would have gotten away with it if not for some meddling kids.

Mallard had recently told a friend "bits and pieces" about an accident when questioned at a party. They were playing Monopoly, with Mallard using the car. On her turn, she hit the guy riding the horse, and dragging him around the board, passing Go three times, instead of going directly to jail. When asked, ?What the hell are you doing?? Mallard replied, ?Isn?t that what you are supposed to do when you hit someone??

The friend, feeling the guilty Mallard herself should have felt, went to the pigs and squealed. Police initially charged Mallard failure to stop and render aid, but later upgraded the charges to murder. I?m glad this happened in Texas, because if anyone deserves to be executed, it?s this woman. Anyone who could be so cruel deserves death, or at the very least, expatriation to Afghanistan.

You know, I hit a guy once. My friends and I were out for a drive the summer after high school graduation. Like Mallard, we had been drinking and we hit this homeless guy. We didn?t take him home with us; we dumped his body into the harbor. I felt guilty about it for a while, but the next summer he killed all of us, except for Jennifer Love Hewitt, so everything evened out in the end, karmicly speaking.

comments (8)

I hit a deer once. All I could think of was: Oh Man, we have guaranteed ourselves dinner for WEEKS. Of course, I wasn't tripping on ecstasy and malt liquour.

File this one under "StOOpId CrIminAl TrIx", eh??

by northstar at March 8, 2002 2:44 PM

i had a car once that was a cat magnet. twice in as many months, felines flung themselves under my wheels. i briefly considered custom plates saying "CAT KILR" or something, but then i thought better of it.

by kd at March 9, 2002 12:58 AM

By all accounts, she was actually on Angel Dust (PCP) - it's the media's facination with making E and liquor the next "evil drugs" that somehow has twisted the story (not that that matters - but have you ever known anyone to be on both E and drunk at the same time? No - it can't really happen. Ever seen anyone on angel dust? Scary.)

I think she deserves the death penalty. Maybe being hit by a car and left in a garage to die several days while she begs for help. That should do it.

by Charles at March 9, 2002 12:23 PM

I was questioning the E thing myself. I'd have thought it'd have maken ("maken"? i meant made) her more compassionate. Angel dust makes a bit more sense.

by mg at March 9, 2002 1:00 PM

I notice she had been working as a nurse's aide. What a scary thought.

by Jean at March 10, 2002 12:09 AM

Not only did she drive home and park him in the garage, she strolled inside and had sex with her boyfriend. Doot de doo, I'm reportedly really really high, drove home after mangling a pedestrian whom I think I'll keep as a hood ornament, think I'll get me some action...

Drinking and doing E together is monumentally stupid, but I see it done all the time. Usually involves a lot of puking, frequently forgetting to breathe, and among the sorority girls a relatively high deathrate. PCP is mostly a gay man's drug, up here, but it's common enough. Based on unfortunate experience, I can't imagine anyone could drive on it, not and find their way home.

Really it doesn't matter what kind of high she was, she's plainly a dangerously ignorant girl either way.

Hey, do you think they can relocate the Marjorie Knoller case to TX?

by Jessica at March 10, 2002 2:19 PM

How strange am I that I am genuinely upset that no one commented about my fowl/Mallard wordplay?

by mg at March 12, 2002 10:02 PM

As a female from DFW, I am deeply offended about your judgement on DFW people. I understand that there are some bad people out there but most of us are good.

by Cypress Raven at May 4, 2002 9:53 AM

comments are closed