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miss b

the root of all boy trouble

by miss b at 10:25 PM on November 16, 2001

in second grade i had a crush on peter amadon. he had a mouse colored bowl haircut and a perpetual red ring around his mouth, the result of licking his lips too much with an apparently extra long and overzealous tongue.

in school i was the most rambunctious, loud mouthed little babe of the bunch. i got in trouble with my second grade teacher on a regular basis. i was always the girl getting the "indoor voice" warning and the one who often got sent out into the hall after such warnings had gone completely disobeyed. it wasn't that i was defiant. i was always so caught up in whatever it was i was into - playing house or hide and seek or what have you - i tended to forget what i'd been told a half hour earlier. i also didn't always have a sense of how loud i actually was. i still suffer from that lack of awareness sometimes. on my birthday last september, for example, my friends and i got charged double for our drinks at the neighborhood bar we were celebrating in because we were apparently screaming too much. but that's another story.

while i was a wild child half of the time, i was a terribly shy kid around people i didn't know. i'd pray to be able to disappear behind one of my parents' legs in front of strangers and acquaintances. though it may come as a surprise to those who know me now, i was that way with boys too. so imagine how much courage i must have mustered up for myself the day i decided to kiss peter amadon.

i don't remember what it was about that particular day or moment in school that made me want to plant one on him, or even get that close to him for that matter, but once i got the idea in my six year old head, there was no going back. i don't even recall what we were doing at the time, or what was going on around us. i know that i was standing there looking at him with those perfectly straight strands of boy hair hanging down over his eyebrows and that sad, painful looking ring of fire around his mouth. i debated with myself over whether or not i should make my move. i told myself it wasn't that big a deal. why should it be? what would be wrong with giving him a kiss on the cheek anyway? it was just something nice to do. and i really felt like doing something nice.

so in one swift motion, i leaned in and aimed my heart shaped pucker right for his smooth olive stained cheek. his face tasted like clean, if clean was a flavor. i closed my eyes for that split second that my lips met his fleshy face and then pulled back smiling. (it was *not* a "let's-go-roll-around-behind-the-cubbies" kind of smile, mind you.) i should have just turned on the heels of my mary janes and gotten the hell out of there. his eyebrows scrunched up into themselves and the skin on his whole face turned redder than the chafing around his mouth. i knew immediately that it wasn't the embarrassed kind of redness, though. peter amadon was fished. before i knew it, he'd stomped away having yelled at me something about "telling".

when our teacher came up to me i hadn't moved at all. i was still standing in the same place i'd been when i decided to kiss him. in one quiet but firm sentence, my teacher said to me, "leave. peter. alone." i i'd never kissed anyone before except my parents and my cat. whatever happened immediately after that, i'm pretty sure i've blocked it out. it's safe to say that my relationship with peter amadon never went anywhere.

i think my sexuality was permanently scarred after that particular second grade trauma. at least until my early teens. i never, ever kissed a boy until i was fifteen. by all peer accounts, i was a late bloomer. my friends were talking about "going in the bushes" with each other. i didn't even know what the hell went on in there but i knew it must have been uncomfortable. every day until the very moment that i finally made out with a boy (my first kiss ended up being a sloppy, wet, tongue wrestling marathon on the couch in my ninth grade boyfriend's basement while his parents were at a hockey game), i was scared to death at the thought of making another move on some unsuspecting, and probably undeserving boy. that damn peter amadon. (if you're reading this, peter, i bet you wish you'd kept your rashy mouth shut.)

thankfully i've gotten over most of my shyness. i'm probably more of a troublemaker. after all, kissing boys is a certain kind of trouble. but that's another story too.

comments (25)

ohh, miss b. what a great story, & if i related any more, i'd be you. except, i was less of an outright kisser & more of a note writer, which is so much worse - evidence.

by kd at November 16, 2001 10:43 PM

I punched David Klein in the 4th grade for kissing some bitch named Katie. After making his nose bleed, David's mom wouldn't let me talk to him anymore. Go figure.

miss b-- I bought that book. I LOVE it so far.

by melly at November 16, 2001 11:23 PM

oh, the notes, kd. so much can be said about the notes. so incriminating.

i'm so glad you got the sedaris book, melly.

by miss b at November 16, 2001 11:32 PM

i said "so" four times in that last comment.

by miss b at November 16, 2001 11:32 PM

okay, three. but the last one makes it four.

by miss b at November 16, 2001 11:33 PM

I have that problem with the word "that".

by MrBlank at November 16, 2001 11:45 PM

Damn, mg joins the ranks of the intimidated badsam authors.

by mg at November 17, 2001 12:24 AM

it is VERY freaking intimidating, isn't it? i feel that way at my own site. yo, mg, you & me oughta start our own silly weblog where we could be absolved of these pressures. i need that, i'll most likely do it, you are welcome to join me in my insignificance. or - wait - have i had too much amaretto? yeah. sorry.

by kd at November 17, 2001 3:33 AM

incedentally, miss b, "so" is a fine expression. you go girl.

by kd at November 17, 2001 3:35 AM

The first girl I ever kissed was Sarah Farlee; I just gobsmacked her right in front of my entire second grade class. I don't remember why I suddenly felt like doing it, nor do I remember any repercussions. The teacher saw me do it and just kept right on doing what she was doing.

For what it's worth, mine never went anywhere either and I was still shy around girls until, oh, about five minutes ago.

by Muad'Dib at November 17, 2001 4:01 AM

I got busted in second grade, because Sherry G. (third grade - older woman w00t!) taught me the fine art of french kissing. We would go behind the school and I gave her my milk money (so she could buy cigarettes) and we would make out.

by Charles at November 18, 2001 2:06 AM

oh my god. so much more "advanced" than i was at that age.

what a hussy!

by miss b at November 18, 2001 5:32 PM

That was an awesome read, miss b. :D I was always being reminded to use my "indoor voice", too. I haven't heard that phrase in a while. It really brought back some good memories. Thanks.

by wendy at November 19, 2001 9:24 AM

i have a cruch on this boy , and i know that he likes me too, cause everytime i look at him he is always looking, and at the time i was so desperate to have a boyfriend , but i didn't want to make any moves yet. finally i =

by nik at October 31, 2002 7:07 PM

i have a cruch on this boy , and i know that he likes me too, cause everytime i look at him he is always looking, and at the time i was so desperate to have a boyfriend , but i didn't want to make any moves yet. finally i =

by nik at October 31, 2002 7:07 PM

i love someone that does love me?

by at May 8, 2003 12:29 PM


by natz at October 6, 2003 9:40 AM

i was in preschool and me and this gut named mark were kissing behind a tree when his sister found us and told everyone. It turned out that my mom and his mom became best f riends and his sister anf me became best friends!! Now mark is still majorely crushing on me and he makes me sick because he is so perverted.

by shann at July 14, 2004 6:58 PM

i have a frind that has a friend and we have be talking for 2 weeks and he told me yerterday that he had a girlfriend but has only known her for 3 days but he said that he still likes but dosen't know what to do...i can't stop thinking about him what should do?

by jamie at September 11, 2005 2:36 AM

i really enjoyed your story miss b. i too had the "late bloomer syndrome". i didnt have my first kiss until i was 16.

by marie at September 22, 2005 11:52 PM

Great Story Miss B. I use to now a guy by that name. Did this take place in VT.

by Ray at October 5, 2005 4:41 PM

brilliant site! happy to be here. my parents didnt told me about it: http://www.888.com , my parents didnt told me about it

by Sean Chapman at October 14, 2005 11:10 AM

brilliant site! happy to be here. my parents didnt told me about it: http://www.888.com , my parents didnt told me about it

by kenneth ford at October 14, 2005 11:11 AM

Brilliant story! Ive just split up with my bf and i really want to get back with him but he just doesnt seem intrested either, and i just don`t know what to do, hes breaking my heart .

by Gemma at January 15, 2006 11:53 AM

hey i luv the story
well i like this guy and he liked me then he started liking another girl and all my friends hate him and he just left the other girl and said he likes me now again and i think i like him but im not sure what should i do about him and my friends?

by Allie at March 10, 2009 6:32 PM

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