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she drives me crazy

by mg at 10:23 AM on September 06, 2001

Iíve always found Anne Heche to be a major league hottie. Iíve also always thought of her as a major league loon, even before last years Ellen-break up induced break down. Last nightís interview on 20/20 with Barbara Walters didnít do a whole lot to dispel either notion.

She looks just as cute with longer hair as she does with short cropped hair, and, even though she declared to Barbara Walters that she wasnít crazy anymore, she still sounded a little off the nut as she described being abused by her dad, her past romantic relationships, her career, and the voices she was hearing in her head for 31 years. I think it was kd who once said, ďcrazy girls are hot.Ē

I learned something about Anne Heche that I never would have suspected; she dated Steve Martin for two years. I used to like Martin, but now that I know he had my future wife, I hate him. Hecheís relationship with Martin, who is 24 years her elder, ended badly. She then hooked up with Ellen Degeneres, who is a woman, and that ended badly. That Anne; isnít she such a wild and crazy gal? She just got married a couple days ago to a guy that isnít even famous (!) and is already pregnant. (Err, I suppose I could correct the previous sentence, but it is easier to just clarify that Heche is pregnant, not the guy she married, because that would just be crazy.)

Last year, at about this time, Heche was discovered by a Fresno, California family, speaking in strange languages, and asking whether theyíd like to join her when she returned to the mother planet. Seems she has had a split personality since being sexually molested by her homosexual, Baptist choir director dad. This alternate personality, dubbed ďCelestia,Ē was both a reincarnation of god, and an alien from outer space.

When Heche was possessed by this alternate personality she spoke a different language and was in direct conversation with god himself, receiving messages from the big man himself even while on the set of Wag the Dog. She also described Ellen as the ďmost ravishing woman I had ever seen in my life.Ē If that isnít a clear sign of insanity, I donít know what is.

Iíve had a thing for Heche ever since she played twins (Vicky/Marley) on the soap opera, Another World. I must have been about 9 or 10 when she was on that show, and it is fairly conceivable I shot my first load while watching her. (To tell the truth, that honor probably goes to the Baroness, from G.I.Joe (actually, Cobra). I never understood what she saw in Major Blood. It must have been that phallic helmet thing he always wore. Anyway.)

When Heche hooked up with Ellen, I was upset because if Heche was a lesbian, it meant Iíd never have a shot with her. But, last night, learning that she is crazy gave me hope. I mean, if she believes she is from outer space, surely I could convince her to give me a shot. Woo hoo!

I wasnít able to find any good quality naked pictures of her, but here are some hot pics of her, where she doesnít look crazy at all: One | Two | Three.

comments (9)

hear! hear! crazy girls are indeed hot, with that blond hair and serenely curved smile, hinting at conformity, but when you're naked and she's naked, and her face is buried in your crotch like a pig digs for truffles and after you come, she cries hysterically for no reason. girls are crazy. crazy girls are hot.

wait, why arent socially awkward computer programming guys hot? not fair. i'm still waiting for the day.

by Tom at September 6, 2001 1:00 PM

Man, that's two posts in a row now that you've seriously weirded me out.

by space at September 6, 2001 4:10 PM

Although I have to agree that crazy girls are hot.

Or as shar would formulate it:

hot girls are crazy.

by space at September 6, 2001 4:14 PM

Am I making anyone else feel weird? If so, maybe it is time to add another phrase to random tagline generator. Something along the lines of:

"Bad Samaritan: If we don't amuse, at least we'll make you feel all weird and icky."

by mg at September 6, 2001 4:57 PM

Now that's a tagline I could get behind in a really big way. Weird and icky come naturally, amusing is more of a stretch (for myself at least).

However odd the last post was, though, this one seemed perfectly normal to me. Makes perfect sense! Hot=crazy, crazy=hot, it all works.

by kd at September 6, 2001 5:37 PM

Well I must say it was a very imaginative post, if nothing else...And it is true that crazy girls are hot, hot girls are crazy-however you want to put it. (But Oh my GOD MG, why THAT ONE????) haha I think that is where the "icky" comes in...But then if she ignites you that is all that really matters right? The post was not really as strange as you could have went with it....say you could have went for both she AND Degenerated white whatever she is....:-) (now that really WOULD have been icky!!!)

by Pristine at September 6, 2001 7:02 PM

crazy girls are indeed hot. Poor Steve Martin, you know she left him to be with Ellen.

by Charles at September 6, 2001 7:57 PM

poor steve martin....he had to move on to some other starlet.

by brian at September 10, 2001 7:29 PM

there is an hbo flick with anne and joan chen making out totally nude. i cant remember the name cris walken is in it also if that helps. good luck

by THE GOBLIN KING at October 2, 2001 6:29 PM

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