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Bad News: Tune In, Turn On, Drop Trou.

by space at 08:16 PM on September 20, 2001

More bad TV news: Danish sexologists (no, that's not the joke) claim that reality-based TV show Big Brother causes viewers to have more frequent and improved sex.

Maybe watching the Big Brother contestants sit around and generally make asses of themselves inspires couples at home to imagine that they too are being watched, as they argue about who left Cheez Whiz on the coffee table and pee with the bathroom door open. "Honey, did you use my Lady's Schick to shave your back again? I hope that gets you voted out of the house." I know I'm turned on.

Taking an interesting stance on the concept of "science," one of the "scientists" stated: "I believe, even if it hasn't been scientifically proven, that TV viewers have a better and more active sex life by watching Big Brother."

Well, if you believe it, then. I mean, who am I to criticize someone's beliefs? I should probably worry about the integrity of your profession, but I honestly feel a lot better that YOU'RE JUST MAKING THIS SHIT UP.

Since we're not worried about trivialities like the "scientific method" or "evidence" on this issue, let's state some other correlations between tv watching and the sexual habits of the viewers, shall we?

Farscape: inspires viewers to secrete green, viscous substance from the pores of their skin during sex.

The West Wing: improves posture during sex, inspires viewers to make "presidential" grand entrances, spend 3.7 seconds in each position.

Pokemon: viewers 80% more likely to use birth control during sex.

Frasier: sexual participants adopt haughty, intellectual attitudes and/or bark like dogs.

So Little Time: (a.k.a. "that Olson Twins show"): causes viewers to imagine their partner as themselves, subscribe, optimistically, to Barely Legal.

Battle Bots: Results in no sexual activity. At. All.

comments (6)

Iron Chef makes it happen for me. All those sweaty, intense men! And, of course, the Jerry Lewis Telethon.

by bobthecorgi at September 21, 2001 6:31 AM

Jackass: viewers 12% more likely to have heavy objects dropped on/hurled at their genitals during sex

17% attempt to have intercourse whilst snowboarding/quad biking/falling out of a tree

by suey at September 21, 2001 7:05 AM

I only watch it because I'm at home with no one to screw. Hasn't helped my situation a bit.

by melly at September 21, 2001 1:14 PM

Hmmmmmmm.... not a regular tv viewer here but I imagine that viewing Regis can be construed as some sort of birth control.......ay?

by othercheek at September 21, 2001 9:41 PM

Battle Bots = no sex? Shit, that must be the problem...

by ethereal at September 24, 2001 12:37 PM

I kinda like Battle Bots. Never thought about it in relation to my sex life, though. Huh.

by SwingCheese at September 24, 2001 3:10 PM

comments are closed