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i'm so tall, can't get over me

by mg at 11:27 AM on August 27, 2001

I really must confess something to you all; I am at the lowest point Iíve ever been in my entire life. You see, I am in pain. Iíve never felt this hurt in my entire life, yet I feel numb all over. Iím lying on the floor, and canít get up. Iíve taken way too many (illegally obtained) painkillers and muscle relaxants. I need help.

Doesnít that sound so terribly dramatic?

If I had known youíd all react the way you did, I probably would have spilled the whole story Saturday. But a) I kind of like being mysterious sometimes and b) I was so doped up on pain-killers that if I had tried to tell the story, Iím sure it would have made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

So, to all of you who sent well wishes and love, thanks. It helped, even though the thing that you all thought happened wasnít really what did happen, knowing you cared helped me through it. Whenever I sort of get sick of running this site, you guys pull through and make me fall in love all over again.

Well, I might as well just to end the suspense as quickly as possible now; KD was dead on when she commented, ďthe whole thing sounds more like a back injury than a broken heart.Ē And, now that thatís out of the way, the rest of the story:

At some point in the past, I hurt my back. For the life of me, I donít remember what I did or when that was, but hurt it, and since then Iíve had periodic bouts of back pain. It is nothing ever really serious, but maybe a little bit of tightness and the occasional spell of spasms. Usually a bit of stretching, some Advil and maybe a nice warm bath will do the trick, and Iíll be feeling a hundred percent again in no time.

Well, a couple days ago, I was going through a stint of tightness in my lower back. I had been over at my momís place, helping her clean up a bit, so that Amanda could move out of my place, and into the spare bedroom over there. I was over there for an afternoon, doing some bending over, lifting, pushing and pulling. That evening, the pain started, but it wasnít too bad, just the usual, and nothing more than Iíve experienced before.

Fast forward to Friday. I was still in a little bit of pain, but, again, nothing outrageous. It was Amandaís first day off after starting her new job, so we decided to take a little day trip. We drove up to the Cloisters, this sort of Gothic museum located on Fort Tryon Park in northern Manhattan.

Growing up in New York, I had heard of the Cloisters, but I never really knew what it was. I always thought it was this sort of Yuppie thing to do, and I guess I was probably right. Iíve mentioned before that I hope I never become the kind of New Yorker who always dresses in black, reads the Sunday New York Times, and goes to place like the Cloisters. So, I should have known that this would be a bad trip.

We got up there, with a picnic basket full of wine, cheese, bread, and fruit, and decided weíd walk around the park, and eat lunch before going into the museum. We walked around a bit; the park is really nice. It overlooks the Hudson River, and New Jersey, which from a distance, doesnít look like half bad a place. We eventually found a nice patch of grass, had lunch and lied down in the sun a bit.

But, when it was time to get up, I couldnít. I felt this shooting, stabbing pain throughout my back every time I tried to stand up. I eventually shambled up and hobbled over to a nearby park bench, where I spent the next fifteen seconds debating whether or not we should still try to go into the museum (the answer was a quick, ďnoĒ) and then another fifteen minutes debating whether or not I would be able to make it back to the car (the answer was a slow, ďhopefully, otherwise Iím spending the night in the parkĒ).

We decided that we were going to have to head back eventually, and now was as good a time as any. I shuffled back to the car. When we got there, it was decided that I would drive; see, itís Amandaís car and all, but she is scared to drive in NYC, and my back didnít really hurt as long as I remained completely motionless. Unfortunately, the car has a manual transmission, which, while much more fun to drive than an automatic (driving it makes me feel like Dale Jarrett), requires a significant amount of shifting, especially through rush-hour traffic.

By the time I got home and out of the car, well, I couldnít get out of the car. My back had tightened up so much that I couldnít move at all without causing my back to go into spasms. Weíd parked maybe fifty feet from the front door to my apartment building, and it is maybe another fifty feet from the front door to my apartment. It took a good (actually, quite awful) 20 minutes to make that walk. Every step was pure torture, and by the time we got inside, I was practically in tears from the pain.

I fell flat on the living room floor, and didnít move for the next 20 hours. Luckily, Iíve got a very big bladder (and you know what they say about guys with big bladders) because I wouldnít have been able to move enough to put my winky in a bottle (to pee in it), much less get up and walk (or even crawl) to the bathroom.

Also, very luckily, my mom is a walking pharmacy, and always has lots of groovy painkillers and muscle relaxants on hand. She gladly gave some up for me, seeing as how much pain I was in, and Iíve been pretty doped up ever since.

comments (11)

See MG I TOLD YOU that you had a ton of friends out here did'nt I? SMILE cuz those are the ones that really matter in the end! BTW, where the hell is Snaggle these days??? He posts and then gives us the slip...hmmmm....

by Pristine at August 27, 2001 11:57 AM

I've always had a pretty Ďgood backí, but lately I spend so much time at the computer with bad posture, when I lay down to sleep, my back muscles have little spasms. So to keep my mind occupied during the initial physical discomfort, i usually review Ďthings I should have saidí (or posted) during the day. It was at that point I had the epiphany that got me out of bed to make that comment about the back injury. *sheesh* I really do spend too much time on the internet.

by kd at August 27, 2001 12:18 PM

I also spend way too much time on the internet, except for this weekend. (I was visiting the Playstation.) As usual, when I do leave, I miss all of the drama.

For back pain, stretching and exercising on those big inflated balls worked great for my dad. He has worked the road for over 30 years and has become hamstrung. Basically, his back became so tight that it knocked vertebrae out of alignment. Stretching did the trick. Just donít stop stretching when you feel better, things will go back to hurting. When you get a job and have the cash, go see a doctor. Your story sounds too awful to not see one. You might be able to keep it from happening again or stop it from getting worse.

Take it easy.

by Josh at August 27, 2001 1:56 PM

STOP! Hold the press! I just thought of something....MG, WHAT DO THEY SAY ABOUT GUYS WITH LARGE BLADDERS??? (thinking I am out-dated or something here...???)

by Pristine at August 27, 2001 3:19 PM

... they have large amounts of urine. :)

I'm still around; today is the first day of classes, so I may not be around for a day or two. Never fear! A post is forthcoming!

by snaggle at August 27, 2001 3:50 PM

Ooooooh, you took painkillers for PAIN. I'll have to try that sometime.

I hope your mobility is restored soon.

by space at August 27, 2001 4:31 PM

Josh has a good suggestion. My dad, too, did something very odd that rendered him incapacitated for awhile. He got one of those huge balls for stretching and posture, and hasn't had any trouble since, which is going on a year now. And it feels good for stretching, even if one doesn't have back problems. :)

by SwingCheese at August 27, 2001 10:48 PM

Fuck. Never occured to me that painkillers are actually used for their intended purpose. Fuck. I thought you were whacked and ready to crack. Fuck. OK, no more posting while you're wasted. Fuck.

by Charles at August 28, 2001 12:17 AM

get a back massage, from someone who knows what he's doing. that helps me when my back goes out like that. pain killers and relaxants help break the cycle in the first couple days. in the long run, some sort of back-friendly exercise can help, like swimming or weight training (be careful) or rowing. i've been meaning to try one of those balls.

by miguel at August 28, 2001 8:10 AM

im so short and i dont no when im gonna get taller and every one at school bugs me abought it, I am like 4 foot 9 and i was wondering how old you were when you got tall because i wanna get tall fast but i keep thinking im gonna be this short for ever

by Kyle at June 14, 2005 11:32 PM

ugh go to a damn hospital?

by jklkghjk at October 3, 2006 9:41 PM

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