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how to : care for your kitties

by lizard at 12:34 PM on June 14, 2001

Having only one pet myself, I could hardly be considered an expert on the subject of their care, so I offer these suggestions based on the wisdom of Marilyn Barletta of Petaluma, CA, who recently made headlines when it was discovered that she had over 200 cats locked up in a house she purchased specifically for that purpose. Surely she must possess abundant knowledge in the area of feline husbandry, and we could all learn a thing or two from her:

First of all, it's important to remember, there is no such thing as too many cats. Pick up every stray you possibly can, because if you don't, well, you just don't know what's going to happen to them. But when you take them home to your cat house, you *know*.

When you get them home, remember there's no need to worry about cleaning up after them. You might find the smell a little disturbing, but the cats surely don't mind. If they did, they wouldn't sit around licking their own asses, would they? I may not know too much about cats, but I do know that mine has his nose down there pretty much all the time.

Now, you might be wondering, what if one of my kitties passes away? Don't be sad, death is a natural part of life and nature takes care of its own. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; dead things plus feces equals... mulch! And we all know how beneficial mulch is; it helps things grow! And speaking of growth...

The issue of spaying and neutering is a touchy one. How would you like it if someone took you to the doctor's, against your will, and the next thing you know, you wake up in pain only to discover your goodies are gone! It's a safe bet you would be seriously traumatized, so how could you even consider inflicting such indignities on an innocent creature? Breeding kitties are happy kitties, and then there are more and more happy kitties; remember the first rule of cat care: no such thing as too many happy kitties.

The only real drawback is, when your cat population approaches three figures, people might start to think you're a few fleas short of a circus, but don't worry, you're doing the right thing. You are an Animal Lover, the noblest creature of all.

comments (1)

i read about her. i wanted to adopt one of her kitties, they wern't allowed to stay home.
cat poop sticks to carpet. and cat piss is as foul as my sister's gym socks deep fried in greese and thrown at the bottom of a garbage truck

by whit at June 19, 2006 3:38 PM

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