molar n a biscuit

by mg at 12:13 AM on March 08, 2001

A complete lame-ass in rural North Carolina is suing Hardee's after finding a tooth in a biscuit...

Ronald Cheeley are suing because they say the incident has caused him great pain of mind and that he has had to receive medical care. His wife Queen Williamson Cheeley is also named in the suit because she claims the incident has deprived her of companionship, which basically comes down to her hubby can't get it up since finding a tooth in his sausage and egg biscuit.

To generate some good press about the incident, Hardee's has decided to start a cross promotional campaign with Pfizer and the American Dental Association to begin serving Viagra and teeth with all their breakfast sandwiches.

In related news, the folks who make Chicken in a Biscuit, sensing a big new market niche, immediately began production of Molar in a Biscuit.

Another round of school shootings are sweeping the nation, but this latest has got to be the most shocking...

It hasn't gotten a lot of airplay because only one person was shot and no one was killed, which hardly seems like news at all following Monday's shooting spree. But yesterday's school shooting in Pennyslvania is the most shocking yet because it involved a female shooter. A 14 year-old girl. At a Catholic school. With the Catholic school girl's uniform. I wish there was video. I can't wait for the HBO movie.

In I'm not gay news...

According to the Metrosexuality Gay-O-Meter I am 54% gay. Which I was a little worried about until I saw that I am "a happy and well adjusted hetereo." Woohoo! I'm Happy! I'm well adjusted! I'm hetereo! The Internet told me so!

To boldly go...

Supposedly the next Star Trek series will be set 100 years prior to the original Capt. Kirk version. I suppose it makes sort of an esoteric sense considering that The Next Generation was set 100 years after the original and prequals seem to be the in things these days. For some reason, I sense this is just an excuse to cut back on the special F/X budget. I was also hoping that Seven would be on the new series. Sigh.

Baboons like swollen asses...

Scientists announce that for baboons trying to attract a partner it is the size and shape of a potential mate's bottom that counts. Scientists can be so smart sometimes. Apparently the bigger and more prominent a female's rear end swellings, the more likely it is that she'll produce lots of healthy offspring. The scientists also warned Jennifer Lopez to never visit the monkey house at the zoo.

In *cough* *cough* *cough* news...

If a cigarette carton opens in a forest does it make a sound? What is the sound of one cigarette carton opening?

Yes, and the death 03/. Or at least cigarette packages will eventualy make sounds, at least if the European Union has anything to say about it. Might I suggest, "Just say no!" I hear that works well in other, similar situations.