« so sorry | Main | so scary »


cough cough cough

by mg at 03:19 PM on October 30, 2000

So, I spent the entire weekend feeling really sick.

I hate that.

Isn't it always the case that the weekend roles around and it is either raining, you can't get to the bank to get cash, or you feel sick. On this particular weekend all three of those were the case. Only it wasn't raining, it was just about 30 degrees colder than it had been all week.

And I could get cash, conceivably, there are 24 hour ATMs all over the place, except none of them had any deposit envelopes. If you can't put money in the bank, you have no money to get out of the bank. And I was sick. Still am.

I think it must have been a combination of no sleep, poor eating habits, too much smoking and watching the Mets lose in five.

Considering I'd been planning on watching games six and seven of the World Series this weekend, I didn't make a backup. So, I basically had nothing to do this weekend. But it is nice to know that I _could_ have done something if I had wanted to.

But no, I have a cough. A fever. Mucus.

Instead of going to Halloween parties, smoking cigarettes, and doing shots off of strippers, I was at home, watching crappy movies, drinking gallons of orange juice and peeing a lot. I drank so much damn juice that when I would take a whiz it smelled like someone had just peeled an orange.

On Sunday afternoon there was the fabulous lineup of "Three Ninjas," "Nightmare on Elm Street Part (actually I don't remember which part but not one of the good ones), "and "Hocus Pocus."

"Three Ninjas" is a positively awful tale of about three plucky youngsters who take down a crime lord. It was equal parts "Karate Kid," "Home Alone," and every live-action Disney pap. It is one of those films where you sit through the whole thing and then immediately begin crying over the loss of two hours of your life. I could have spent that time looking at lesbians on the inter-net!

And next there was one of the latter sequels in the "Nightmare on Elm Street" series. It wasn't so much scary as funny. Actually, it wasn't even funny in that way that really bad horror movies are funny. There was a scene in which Mr. Cruger, AKA Fredward Scissorhands, is chasing after some dumb bitch. He tries to slice her up real good and his claws get stuck in the hardwood floor. It reminded me of a Three Stooges movie and was as similarly unfunny.

Last but last, there was "Hocus Pocus," another piece of Disney brilliance. Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker and the fat nun from "Sister Act" star as three witches. The least said the better. The Divine Miss M is only good when playing herself. Oh wait I take that back, she was playing a three hundred year-old witch, so she isn't even a good actress when playing herself. And have you seen her new sitcom? Right, neither has anyone else.

If I wasn't ready to kill myself after that triple feature, I don't know what would get me there.

Oh yeah, I know, the fact that Hillary Clinton is ahead in the race for the New York State Senate seat. If she manages to win, I either have to immediately jump off the top of the Empire State building or flee to Canada. But I fear it'll be much too cold in Canada in 11/, I get sick easily.

comments (1)

It'll get better in the morning. Now turn your head and cough

by Parawell at December 24, 2003 3:20 PM

comments are closed