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She's the one who took me to my first all-ages show...by linz at 03:58 PM on October 23, 2002 |
I was seeing a band last Saturday with my sister & her teacher friend (we’ll call her Red Hot, in honor of her sweet jacket) & a friend from back home. Sis & I went to the bathroom to powder our respective noses. She is in the stall next to me, and her voice floats over the divider, “Linz…?” Before she can continue, I shoot my hand under the divider with the toilet paper I had already readied for myself. (Aren’t I a good sister?)
We exit near simultaneously, and I ask Red Hot, who is waiting in the sink area, “What do you think of the Charmin buttwipes?” [spell check doesn’t recognize “buttwipes”? Get with the program, Microsoft!] Anyway, the innocent Red Hot goes off about how she threatened to buy her students buttwipes or slap their faces with them or something, and I laughed. Which is when Sis goes, “But you like those, don’t you Lindsay?”
Hold on, here… wait a second… I don’t believe I ever mentioned my liking of the buttwipes to my sister. What this means is that when checking my emails for me (I don’t have access to them at work or at home right now), she MAY or MAY NOT have discovered some certain comment threads that I was unaware would appear in my inbox. I am curious now. I think I will keep this incident to myself, and let her grow more and more incapable of lying to me about it (we can’t lie to each other with a straight face). Then, and only then, will I drop the bomb.
So there goes the post I was going to put up about how I blow my nose in their hand towels when I come over for dinner, and how I peed in her olive oil. Oh, and there goes my plan to give their daughter swearing lessons. And the post in which I question whether I should bring up the fact that I lust for her husband and secretly wish we could have a threesome? Forget it! Now it’s all ruined. Dammit to hell!
And don’t even THINK about telling on me to mom & dad about this. If you do, I will tell them how I stole my first cigarette from you and how you got me high and gave me mini-thins when I was 14.
comments (12)
*Imagning Linz and sister in a threeway*
*Imagning Linz and sister in a threeway*
*Imagning Linz and sister in a threeway*
Oh, great, the rest of my workday is shot.
by mg at October 23, 2002 04:14 PM
Eviltom, where are you? Are you seeing how mg spells "imagine"?
I can think of worse ways to spend the rest of your work day.
by Linz at October 23, 2002 04:33 PM
Cripes. Can't you just take the compliment?
by mg at October 23, 2002 04:41 PM
hmmm... lessee here... mg commented with misspelling at 4:14pm. linz asks eviltom "where are you?" at 4:33pm. dude, do you think i stalk this site or something? ok, actually, i do. except that today, i had to leave the apartment and actually go OUT to work. so there.
and here's the deal about the misspellings... it's not like i point these things out just to be mister smarty pants. it's that misspelling words and leaving out essential words in sentences (e.g. nouns, verbs, pronouns, articles, you know) are just plain careless mistakes, as opposed to being some esoteric grammar rule. and careless mistakes are just an indication that mg doesnt give a shit about his readers. and that didnt seem right to me. so that's why i point these things out. i'm just lookin' out for y'all.
by Eviltom at October 23, 2002 08:53 PM
Linz, honesty is the best policy.
by Frank at October 23, 2002 10:59 PM
Frank, you're an idiot.
by Eviltom at October 23, 2002 11:15 PM
I agree with EvilTom that MG's slacking on the grammar department is a (possible) sign of disinterest for the site. However, I don't think he doesn't care about his readers. (I hope, I hope)
On the issue of Frank, all I have to say is that I don't know him that well.
by Lucy at October 24, 2002 12:20 AM
Thank you Lucy, but I'm quite certain you wouldn't care to know me that well. EvilTom, you really are Evil aren't you. That hurt EvilTom, that really hurt. I suppose you believe in keeping the truth from the Linz's brother-in-law.
MG is doing a fine job.
by Frank at October 24, 2002 09:58 AM
Actually, I care a lot about you guys. I don't think I'd still be doing this if I didn't get the great sort if feedback that I occasionally do. My grammar mistakes are sort of common to everything I write, here, emails, professional documents. I'm just not very good at that sort of thing. I've always wondered if I had some sort of weird learning disability. Or maybe I am just lazy.
by mg at October 24, 2002 11:29 AM
Mg, sorry I didn't take the compliment. Thank you soooo much for your vivid imagination. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Frank, what was I lying about? I think Eviltom just got mad because he is dishonest, and he thought THAT was the best policy. Now he's confused.
by Linz at October 24, 2002 01:04 PM
Oh don't play coy now Linz, you remember the incident with the radish. Do you remember how angry the nuns were?
Why does your sister keep the olive oil in the bathroom?
by Frank at October 24, 2002 02:34 PM
She doesn't keep the olive oil in the bathroom, that's gross...
I peed in it in the kitchen.
Could we please not talk about the radish? That's a dark period in my history best swept under the rug.
by Linz at October 25, 2002 08:57 AM