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i'll steal your pop-tarts like i stole your socks
by mg at 12:03 AM on January 09, 2002
Though I hate to admit it, I think I’ve got some sort of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I don’t need to turn lights on and off, wash my hands till they bleed, bleach my skin or get obsessive amounts of plastic surgery.
But I do have problems.
There are lots of little things that I do. I don’t abide drawers that aren’t pushed in all the way. I can’t walk past an open cupboard or closet door without shutting it. Even if I’ve got a mess of festering garbage on my apartment floor, if it is in a neat pile, I’ll be okay. All the books on my shelf need to be pulled out so their spines are all in a straight line.
I just think that there is a place for everything and that everything has its place. That’s perfectly normal, right?
The only thing I do that I’ll admit to being a real manifestation of a disorder is the way I worry about locked doors. I get freaked out about whether I’ve locked my apartment door when I leave my house.
As I’ve mentioned before, we got robbed a lot when I was a kid. I have a reason for being freaked about my door being ajar. I worry about doors being locked because it’s engrained in me that people are evil and they take things from your apartment when you aren’t there to protect your stuff.
Locking your door doesn’t offer complete security, I understand, but leaving your door wide open is surely asking cat burglars to burgle all your worldly goods. In fact, an unlocked door, in my book, is like asking to be robbed. I’ve had enough stuff stolen from me in my lifetime; I never want to be accused of asking to get robbed.
I’ve walked back to my apartment, from as many as three blocks away, just to check if I’d actually locked the door. I’ve done that on occasions too numerous to mention unembarrassedly. I used to do it all the time. I’ve gotten much better. Now, I’ll only go back to check the locks if I’m within sight distance of the front door of my apartment building. If I get that far, I’m safe. If not, I’ll almost always walk back and check.
I can’t help myself.
If someone else is in the hallway, or I think someone might be looking out their peephole into our respective hallway, I’ll not only check to make sure the door is locked, but actually go back inside my apartment under the pretense that I’ve forgotten something, just so that I don’t look like a freak to my neighbors.
I’ll do a lot of huffing and puffing, like I’m upset with myself for having forgotten my whatever. I’ll have to pick something when I get in my apartment, even a little piece of paper that presumably has an address of the place I’m heading out to, and hold it in my hand, obvious to the world that I had just now picked it up, so any nosy neighbors won’t think I’m a lunatic.
Because I’m not lunatic.
Now, this I where I think I might be seriously mentally disturbed. There is one thing that seems to work, one thing that stops me from worrying. I turn the door handle three times to the right. Then I turn it three times to the left. Then I switch hands. Three times right. Three times left.
Once I’m done with that, I know for sure that I’ve locked the door, and all my stuff is safe.
comments (13)
I always forget one important thing before a trip and I always remember it 10 min. after I leave. then I debate for another 5 if it is worth going back for and then I go back and get it.
It's sad really.
by MrBlank at January 9, 2002 12:35 AM
MG DID YOU EVER GET THOSE CDs I SENT YOU?!!
by MrBlank at January 9, 2002 12:35 AM
From what I know about the disorder, most everyone has some sort of quirks that resembles the compulsions that come with ocd. I know you've been doing the lock thing for quite some time, but it is important to note that ocd is often triggered by a traumatic event ... I would be surprised if we experience a steep rise in this disorder among Americans, most especially New Yorkers.
The disorder is measured based on the amount of effect it has on your daily life. Believe me, if you made it up to even a moderate level, your ass would be in a psychiatrist's office talking about your childhood and punching Bobo dolls.
I'm sure you are just being, well, M, but if you are truly at all concerned about it, the best thing to do is get it evaluated. By me.
by melly at January 9, 2002 3:06 AM
Ummm okay, I would NOT be surprised.
Or maybe I would.
by melly at January 9, 2002 3:08 AM
OH, and you are not a lunatic nor are you mentally disturbed (well any more than the average person) ... you can see that your behaviors are not rational. This separates obsessive-compulsives from psychotic disorders because we recognize the habits have no real purpose and we are bothered by them.
by melly at January 9, 2002 3:14 AM
Mikey-
it's "ingrain."
love love LJ (your unofficial editor)
by LJ at January 9, 2002 6:37 PM
i do the same thing, but only at night -- after i go to bed. even if i've already checked, when i'm laying in bed listening to every noise, i for the life of me cannot remember actually checking the locks, so i get up & check one more time. so, either you're not a lunatic, or we both are.
by kd at January 9, 2002 6:59 PM
Okay. I feel better than. I'm not crazy; no Zoloft for me. I just can't spell. Pfizer should make a pill for that.
by mg at January 9, 2002 9:12 PM
Normal. People are far more odd than any other breathing thing on this earth. Funny how we value our "stuff" so much. I mean sometimes it takes a life time to gain this stuff, so we value it so much....but then again thats normal. (I hope...)
by Pistine at January 9, 2002 11:37 PM
On our marriage license application, Denise put "ocd" under "religion."
by Charles at January 11, 2002 12:48 AM
I have the hand washing and door locking thing.
Uhmm
Yep, ocd for sure.
by Crayzee at January 14, 2003 7:10 PM
I don't think your concerns or your actions sound crazy. My apartment was broken in to this afternoon, the door busted, the place trashed, a few things stolen, and the young men who were responsible were chased out by the neighbor across the hall, who knew the young men, and coincidentally, also had his place broken into, but there was, curiously, no sign of forced entry.
I have lived in two apartments which were broken in to, and have also had two cars broken in to. With both apartments, it was inevitably an inside job of sorts.
This email is not worded well.
My point here, is, that I think your actions/reactions are logical, and nothing something to be ashamed of or worried about.
by Phoebe at January 10, 2005 7:27 PM
Reading your content just made my day. Keep the good work. hours drive from where: http://juliaainsworthnotes.blogspot.com/2005/10/opus-land.html , House cancels hearings on Katrina
by Joshua Moore at October 9, 2005 8:13 PM